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No, you are thinking correctly. I know in my experience, the nursing home tried to get my mom and I to sign financial responsibility papers for my uncle (my mom's brother) who was dying of cancer and was only there for 4 1/2 months. He was already on medical assistance so we saw that as a way for them to get more money and/or money up front without going through the hassle of the red tape. My mom already had full POA and while we oversaw my uncle's medical assistance and ensured bills were paid, etc., we did not sign to be financially responsible for any outstanding bills due.
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No, tell them Insurance will pay for 20 days then let your mother in law come back to live with you and let her Insurance pay for Home Therapy
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You are not being selfish. They are trying to con you.
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No not selfish.... Have a sit down with yourself and be thankful you are alive and well to assist mom in any way you can. Remember one day the shoe may be on the other foot and money will not matter!
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Island9445 Jan 2021
Wow what an insensitive remark. I'm sure that really made her feel better. This has nothing to do with loving or not loving your parents. No where does it mandate that the children, family members, etc. are responsible monetarily for their LO's. Lord knows we go through enough guilt as it is. I agree with others who stated to let insurance pay for the first 20 days then hire in-home care for the remainder.
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Do NOT sign those papers. All you need is a POA for her financial affairs. What the nursing home is concerned about is being "stuck" with her bills. Medicare only pays for the first 20 days.

Once her money "runs out," then you can apply for Medicaid.
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WolfeyKat62 Jan 2021
When my husband went to his SNF/Rehab after his foot surgery, I was told medicare paid for the first 100 days. Feb. 2020. Although he was already on medicaid. I'm sorry the facility is trying to scam you at a very stressful time. You are not responsible for your Mother's medical bills when she has health insurance. That place sounds shady.
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Do you have legal paperwork in order? For example, are you POA? It seems odd that they would ask you to pay if your mother has the means to pay. I would see a Medicaid attorney right away so you know what could happen when your mother's money runs out and she will need assistance to cover nursing home expenses. Notice I didn't say elder law attorney, but Medicaid attorney -- big difference.
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I spent almost a million dollars of MY MOTHER’S MONEY on 5 1/2 years of exemplary care in the best local nursing home I could find and never regretted it for one second.

That said, when my father died intestate, I signed what was at the time, my rights to a third of his estate over to my mother (this is no longer law in my state as far as I know).

In retrospective I realized that my father would PROBABLY have preferred that his legacy be spent on my children’s education, but at the time besotted with grief, I did what I thought would be best for my mother.

STILL, no regrets.

ALL THAT BEHIND ME, I would NEVER have signed making myself responsible for her care.
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coppertino Jan 2021
You are a wonderful woman. I see I am not alone in how I took care of my mom. Almost same story!
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We are not responsible for our parents debts. I will never sign papers to accept my moms nursing bills. We have ourselves to pay for if we live long enough to need care.
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No you are not being selfish. And what ever you do DO NOT sign saying you'll pay. You are not required to do so. I ran into the same problem when my mother in law needed to go to assisted living. Told them no that I wasn't signing anything that said I was responsible to pay her bills. Then walked her paperwork trough for SSI and she got approved. (In Florida). When it was time for her to be moved to a nursing home instead of assisted living she lost her SSI but didn't need it for the nursing home. They took all her money except for $30.00 a month which was used for hair cuts and her snuff. Everything else was covered.

A sweet story: We were blessed to get her into really nice places. The nursing home was a two minute drive from me and I was allowed to go visit her anytime I wanted, 24 hours a day. (Years before covid) I got a call one time if I would come help getting her to calm down. This was at ten at night. No problem. I got there and quietly walked down the hall and there was my mom in law blessing out a poor orderly. He didn't know I was watching. He was so sweet to her. I asked my mother in law what she was doing and she sad, "I have no idea." We all had a good laugh and she went to bed.
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You are absolutely NOT being selfish. Do not sign anything. You have to think about you and your husband’s financial future.
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It might be wise to schedule an appointment with an elder law attorney who specializes in Medicaid planning so you know what your options are for her future care.
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PJsummer Jan 2021
I will definitely get an elder law attorney. Thank you.
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You are not being selfish one bit! Never sign Nursing home admission papers stating that you personally will be responsible for paying for someone else's care. Ever! Mom's money and insurance pays for her care, and once that runs out, Medicaid will take over. You tell the admissions person that mom can sign the paperwork. I would also advise considering strongly not to bring her back home with you if you feel her caregiving needs will be too much for you to handle even if the NH says she's ready to be released.
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PJsummer Jan 2021
Bringing her back home too soon is also a concern. Thank you for your advice.
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No, don't sign anything that commits you to her expenses. You are not responsible for them. You are rsponsible for yourself just as she is responsible for herself. Agreeing to pay her medical bills could drive you into bankruptcy.
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PJsummer Jan 2021
Thank you for your advice. I did not sign. A red flag for me was that I was asked to sign when my mother was capable of doing it herself. They said it would be too traumatic for her. With my help, over the phone, she signed the papers yesterday.
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No, you should not sign making you personally responsible. You could sign your mom's name by you as POA. Then you would be responsible to pay bills with mom's funds, not your own.

Are you her POA? If not whoever is should sign as POA. If there is no POA, you or nursing home could pursue emergency guardianship to access mom's funds for payment.
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