I have found caregivers napping when my Mom's asleep. Should I be upset by this?

CFG - sounds like you've got that well and truly sorted. Well done :)

I'm the original poster and am very grateful for all the input. I'll try to give some clarity to some of the questions. I've been a caregiver (varying between part-time & full time) for my parents (90's) for 3 years (Dad passed over a year ago). I'm single and balance care giving with a full time job. Many of you alluded to working several jobs and it being helpful to sleep. I get it. I've taken many Alzheimer's caregiver classes, so that I can understand what Mom is going through and help her to the best of my ability. My Mom is middle stage Alz in good health. Memory is her issue. The confusion brought on by the Alz is part of the reason she sleeps so much; it quiets the brain. Well, that and she's 91. She sleeps through the night, soundly, even with the major naps (10-11:30 am and 1-4 pm ) during the day. She can handle moderate activity in other rooms or quiet activity in the room where she is sleeping. She's also a sound napper. I often work, generally on a computer in an adjacent room. I also handle phone calls. This does not disturb her. I'm close so that I can reach her quickly if need be. Times where this is most necessary are phone calls, doorbell, or dreams. These things cause her to bolt off the couch (her favorite resting place) in a semi-concious state and agitate her greatly. I realize from my own care giving that the boredom can be intense! Coupled with being tired, sleeping while she's sleeping seems logical. Done it myself. My Mom is not a TV watcher and is mostly annoyed by it. She'll only want to watch a bit in the evenings. The TV is in the room where she sleeps. My husband used to care for her and worked in the same room on a couch across from her. It didn't seem to bother her. Except that the lack of memory would lead her to ask who he was and why he was on her couch. A question that I get from her about caregivers. I've explained that they are there to help her with anything she needs and are specialists with people who have memory loss. I tell her they are required by their job to be in the same room as her, just in case. That seems to satisfy her, except when they sleep. She doesn't understand how they are helping her if they are sleeping. A question, I myself, found hard to satisfy for an 8 hour day shift. The result is that she wants them to go away completely. A battle I don't want to engage in. Hence, the reason for my question.

Particulars:
Yes, I have found her awake and them asleep. The house is not getting cleaned, a fairly new problem (same caregivers). Nutritious meals are not prepared for her. I'm also noticing blankets laying about and various beds in the house with rumpled covers...my Mom is meticulous. A crease or lump in a bed cover makes her crazy. She flawlessly makes her bed every morning. You couldn't find a wrinkle in the thing with a magnifying glass...wife to an x-military man. LOL

My realizations:
I didn't mind when a caregiver occasionally napped with her in the same room. I understand boredom and fatique. My problem is that is has become a habit. For months after my first experience of finding a care giver asleep I said nothing. Now my inaction is interpreted as permission. Mom and I've talked about it and neither of us is comfortable with a care giver sleeping on a daytime shift. A paid daytime shift of 8 hours should not need to sleep on the job, especially if Mom is awake. It is a safety, ethical/professionalism issue for me. It is also against the agencies own policies. I need to discuss with the care givers my feelings about sleeping on the job and share with them what Mom has told me and I know for myself. I will talk to a care giver before going to the agency. I realize I need to set some guidelines. If Mom is awake the caregiver should be awake. If they can do chores in an adjacent room while she sleeps, that is the priority. If daily chores are done, then stay in the room where she's sleeping and do something that won't disturb her. I'm fine with the suggested items-read, computer (work, home, even games, just nothing illicit obviously), correspondence, crafts, music w/headphones (1 in, 1 out so she can be heard), study, etc.

I've also realized that my Mom's care needs have changed. I need to keep updating care giver responsibilities as her condition changes. She used to drive the household duties, but isn't doing that now. I need to be have some guidelines for my care givers about duties. From all the input it sounds like guidelines are helpful to all concerned.

Thanks for giving me clarity and piece of mind on the issue! Mom and I thank you!

I think that paid caregivers can take a break or to as long as he or she does not neglect her caregiver work that she is paid for. If the caregiver is not paying complete attention to the job he/she is being paid expensive costs by the relative or the client to do the proper care, do not make an issue with the caregiver. If the problem cannot be resolved between you and the caregiver, it is time to call the agency or even another agency for help and ask for a proper caregiver who is able to do the right job.

I think the key point that really got me was that it bothered your mother. If Mom is not comfortable with it, then I think her feelings should be considered. Her life and well being are in this person's hands afterall. If Mom doesn't want them moving about while she sleeps, perhaps they can do activities in the room that don't require a lot of movement. Read a book. Do a puzzle like crosswords or word finds, do your shopping lists and to do lists; something that doesn't require noise.

I would talk to Mom first about her concerns and what she wants. Then I would talk to the caregiver. There is probably a happy medium somewhere. But ultimately, if the caregiver needs to stay away while Mom sleeps, they need to stay awake.

I'm not in this situation, but if it were me, I would probably have a problem with it. The caregiver is not working early morning or late evening. Its 11am to 7pm, hours of the day that it should not be difficult to stay awake when you are paid to do so. I think its different when you have a family person caring for a relative vs someone who is paid to come into your home for this specific task. Its part of the job that you are renumerated for. Obviously there is a reason why a caregiver is needed to stay in the room with them when they sleep. If the caregiver is sleeping, how can they possibly watch for problems? This caregiver doesn't wake with Mom, otherwise Mom wouldn't have said it bothers her.

I don't agree with aides sleeping while the patient is sleeping. Nurses in hospitals don't do that. They are being paid hourly to sleep??? Don't think so.... I would say something about it right away, and if it has been more than one aide that does this, I would talk with the agency. It is completely wrong, unless it's a nightshift job and it's in the job's description.

*chuckles* once again the two Ladees are on the same page .. This has been an enlightening conversation .. and .. I'd love to hear back from the original poster. Still too many unanswered questions to give an informed answer.

It depends on what responsibilities the care taker was assigned. If they were told, no napping, then there is no napping. I personally don't see how they are hurting anything, by dozing when she does. They are in the same room.

There is no easy answer here. I was my mothers care giver for almost 2 years.
It nearly killed me. I was not being paid. It was a really bad situation. Still is.
I had to leave mom to fend for herself. Mom won't allow in home care. & my mom is an alcoholic. She's dirty. Smells. Won't shower. Is mean. Sleeps weird times during the day. She sneaks calling a taxi to have her wine delivered. Lost her drivers license. To a DUI. Which I called the police on to catch her drunk driving. Not good at all. !!!!!
As far as this caregiver napping. While on shift. I think it's fair to say that's between the care giver. The patient. & the person paying the bill.
In my moms case. My brother who is supposed to be her poa. He should have gone down & found a part time caregiver to at least bathe mother.
He Has done nothing. I couldn't let mom sit in dirty clothes. Day after day. Not showering. Not washing hair.
My situation is pretty extreme.
The lesson it taught me. Is you never know what another family is dealing with.
I am still having major panic attacks from trying to help my mom.
Too emotional. Too draining.
Did I sleep when needed. ??? Not at first. Now I regret that.
My body is paying the price trying to be superwoman.
Not fun.
The ? Above is should a caregiver take naps. Depends on the entire situation. If we were paying help on my mom. & that person needs an hour nap to get thru the day.
I would say amen. Happy snoozing. Only because being a care giver was the hardest thing besides giving birth to my babies that I've done in my entire life.
Peace to everyone.
Do the best you can.
D

If the caregivers are accomplishing their major duties toward your mother, and you must know what they are, it is only natural to be weary and sleepy around someone who sleeps a lot and there is no pressing duties left to full fill in that shift. I have some in home care givers whose agency does not expect the caregiver to be awake at every moment. However they are expected to be in the same room, or within close hearing distance in case they are needed. Most women who are caregivers have a good ear to wake quickly if needed. Especially those who have had children of their own. You sorta sleep with one ear open.
Circumstances are always to be considered. If for some reason one would have an individual to care for that would "quietly" get up and be hard to hear them arise from their bed, then slip away from caregiver and become lost in the community, or get into something dangerous in the house and hurt themselves, that might be another matter. ( you may consider putting an alarm on the bed that goes off if mother leaves the bed. She might have to be conditioned to accept it for her own good. ) They use those in hospitals and other places that are concerned for the well being of a roaming individual or one who has special needs . One has to be balanced and reasonable. Right? My particular case is a bed fast husband who does not move much in the bed anymore. Much less get out of it. He sleeps lots, and watches some TV when awake, which I leave on for his spurts of wakefulness. He is fed, washed, and cared for like a disabled child. So when his needs are finished each time slot, there would be no concern if the caregiver slept, if the major chores or duties had been cared for.
Circumstances and reasonableness enter in. Here is a hug for your sincere concern.

reverse roles. i agree about the cameras. they are useful in so many ways. i never wanted our PT to feel like she was being spied on. but just as you would do with a babysitter, a camera is logical to have.

right again ladeeM!

Not one time has the 'asker' of this question come back and replied... but it has been a great conversation... as a paid caregiver, it is insightful to read how you all feel... I do not sleep on my job, but can understand if someone needed a 'power nap'..

When I was paid caregiver, it would have driven me to distraction to not be able to work during my shift. I mean if the client was napping and demanded absolute silence, it would be difficult to imagine what I could be doing to help?
In my line, my longest shift was three hours. Sometimes when my work was finished I would just sit and talk or ask if there were any extra things they needed doing?
After a couple of weeks some of these folks houses were so spic and span after three hours of ME a day, it was hard to find anything baring putting a new roof on the place, lol.

One hoarder I worked for let me clean her house out over a period of months... something she would never let the family do. Each item had to be gone over with absolute approval from her.

ME: I could get you all the empty milk jugs you need from a recycle center. If we toss these now, I promise I will bring you brand new ones, if you need them.

I eventually made her little trailer from complete disaster into a lovely place. The family was impressed to say the least!

That is when she asked me to make decorations for her great grandaughters wedding. And I did it. She had hoarded thousands of plastic flowers, ribbon, you name it. She was SO proud, pointing out to the family that they had wanted to throw all these lovely things away. True, however it required lots of ammonia and soap and an artists touch to make these things valuable again.

I would have probably been fired for doing this mind you. Although my company didn't mind if you sat and went through old photo albums with them for hours.

If you trust this caregiver, and she is the sort that CAN cat nap and wake up more effective than someone who is expected to prop her eyes open with toothpicks because she is not allowed to move or make a sound, then I don't see the problem?

I am not sure what you expect this caregiver to do if she is needs to be in the presence of your mum, and also not make a sound?

This site makes a huge difference. Well, to my life anyway.
I am starting to wonder how much memory we lose from simply going quiet.

I am remembering things here, that I thought were forgotten.

:Too Long Didn't Read... "your mum has someone to nap with, all watched over."
I think it is lovely.
I wish some of us could trade off... like we did when we had toddlers.
Our elders would have company and we would get a break.
A play date we call it whith children.
Our parents could get together and complain about how much we suck.

"Ohhhh, you think YOUR daughter is awful, wait till you hear what mine did the other day" lol.

CFG, ever think about cameras, fake or real? I have both, I trust no one and have found out things you wouldnt believe, people are fake, its hard to find great caregivers but they are out there. Best of luck.

Omg I also don't sleep until I hear my Mom snore. I had an agency woman who fell asleep here 2x and I called the agency and out she went. I hire privately now and in no way would I let them sleep. There is plenty to do, laundry, folding, sweeping, sterilizing the bed, wheelchair, dishes, preparing foods for the evening and nighttime. And, how does your Mom sleep at night? I would be upset letting her sleep so much. Their job (in my home) is to keep Mom happy, safe, comfortable, well hydrated , well fed and good and tired when I get home. Cant they play cards, sing to music, do household chores? Regardless, I wouldnt allow sleeping on my clock here. I want 110% attention to my Mom at all times. Dont feel guilty, your "gut instinct" is telling you what to do, trust it.

I am guessing Mr Rochester has never done an overnight as a caregiver. There is moderation in all things Sir

As with any other job, napping is not an option.

I am sure that you might be concerned but as any parent can tell you - a nap while the child is napping is good for you. I think the same applies here. If you feel like it is happening while your loved one is awake - then I would be very concerned.

If these caregivers are in the same room as the a client sleeping I find little annoyance with that. However, if they are deep sleeping and snoring it might be another issue. I've had private duty assignments where I slept when the client slept. Being easily awakened whenever needed is important.

What Mark and his wife Lynn are offering is fine for them and fine for you if you can afford double what it cost for a private person. But, IMO, if you have found a good caregiver or helper who enjoys your elder, and more importantly the elder enjoyed them, you can't just call up the agency and get a replacement. All the talk about not professional notwithstanding, if the required work is done and the elder is completely supervised, napping or resting is the least of your worries. This is assuming the person is honest and caring and that we're not talking about a deep sleep, like sawing logs. Certainly they need to do their regular "8-hours" off the job. But, for private help, a good one is a gem, and you need to be careful nitpicking a little rest. As previously stated, get a room monitor. They work great and don't leave the elder feeling as if their room is invaded. If the Elder is less aware, a reclining chair by their bed could certainly be in order.

I feel I must comment on this because I own a Home Care Agency. Sleeping on the job is NOT tolerated (unless its an over-night live-in situation). But as has been said, these caregivers are wonderful people, they usually have one or two other jobs, and they have a family to take care of. If they fall asleep while your Mom sleeps, its certainly understandable. Let your caregiver know that you don't want her sleeping on the job. Ask her to bring a book, or some other quiet activity, and have plenty of coffee ready. If she keeps falling asleep, call the agency, they can assign her to another case which has less down-time. Your surprise visits are fine. Only you know its a surprise visit, you have every right to stop by and check up on your Mom any time you want to. Its not the caregiver you are checking up on, its your mom, right :-)

I may be in a unique position to have a different perspective on this question. Even with my own disability, I was the 24/7 caretaker for my mom with drug-induced dementia. That was until my sister obtained conservatorship and forced a paid caregiver into our situation. She worked 8-6 M-F & 9-5 on Sa, because I was supposedly incapable of care taking, yet I was responsible for all the other hours, including all day sunday by myself. Hmmm. This without consultation or conversation, only by assumption.

Our "helper" was a very nice lady, competent, working toward her LVN, and we liked her. But my mom was having none of someone else doing her personal care. So, our lady accompanied us yes two doctors appointments, did a little light housekeeping, making mom's bed, grocery shopping, other errands and watching mom on the few occasions that I needed to nap during the day because my mom was a sundowner.

What EVER did i do before she came (I mention, sarcastically)?? Well, I already had things set up. A ROOM MONITOR for one thing. My mom rested a lot and I didn't want her disturbed. Ultimately it was left up to me to handle my moms schedule. I believe my sister felt that the helper was supervising me, but the helper believed that I was supervising her and she considers me her "boss". We laughed about my sister's disconnect, behind her back of course.

Because I am the kind of person who tends to get involved with other people, I knew our helper's life situation. Her husband had recently passed away unexpectedly, daughter and schizophrenic spouse with two children living with her, 1 unemployed son she was helping out. She was tired, yet studying to better herself. AND I consider paid caregiving generally a thankless job, overworked and underpaid.

She helped us for nearly two years until my mom passed away. We had a reclining chair in the living room. And a couple of nice Afghans. I told her to rest whenever she wanted as long as my mother with cared for. Sometimes she and I chatted because neither was tired. Sometimes I would work on my computer well she studied or rested. Sometimes we would both rest. It was just a matter of who kept the monitor receiver. One search of us had it at all times when my mom was resting. One peep out of my mom and one of us was on alert.

The operative part of the caretaking, IMO, is "care". I was in a more obvious position to watch whether or not someone else worked. I never, EVER, begrudged her the ability to rest. In fact, I ENCOURAGED it. I believe it made her happier and more capable of taking care of my mom.

As a former home nurse, I slept, but I had the 7pm - 7 am shift. I did not sleep very well and was always semi-asleep. Don't be so hard on the help unless the agency rules state they absolutely cannot sleep. My patient died within an hour of me leaving my shift and no matter what, your mother has a terminal illness.

When I looked into this type of care for my Mom, it was very expensive. If I read your post correctly they work during daytime hours. They are being paid and should be awake. There are other issues, such as a fire, so caregivers should be alert during their shift. Personal activities like reading or needlework would be acceptable. ~jan

as long as other assigned tasks are done...and they wake when mom wakes...and THEY SHOW UP means alot...let it go :)

while working in long term care I have once or twice found myself falling asleep while a client slept. Both times we on overnights and it was embarrassing to me! I know how hard it is to stay awake, but you must take things to do while client is resting if you have already taken care of other chores. I was paid to make sure my client was safe and secure...can't do that if you are sleeping.

Although it may not be professional for them to nap on the job, it wouldn't bother me as long as they were awake when they needed to be. It also wouldn't bother me if she read, watched TV, or got on her own computer as long as she was doing the job she was hired for. Now if her work was not getting done it would be something else entirely. If the caregiver was dependable and did her job, it would be all I would worry about.

In an ideal world caregivers will never nap on the job, But most caregivers do not live in an ideal world. The pay is so low they often have more than one job plus a family to care for. I would expect them to remain in the same room as their patient if they are napping and by napping I mean in an easy chair where they are ready to spring into action. Other quiet activities are perfectly acceptable especially during an overnight shift either in the patients room or in an adjoining room. Everishlass you are to be commended for your devotion to your patients. Have you really never ever fallen asleep. I once saw another nurse fall asleep standing up. She was on call at night having already worked a day shift. I will confess to falling asleep especially as a supervisor when I would be summoned by phone. I do not advocate a caregiver pulling out a cot and blankets that is definitely not acceptable
Boni I am sure you are not comfortable going to sleep before your mother but even so something could happen during the night when you were asleep
Behaving responsibly is the key here and making it clear to your caregivers on day one what your expectations are. People die next to their spouses at night all the time. My insurance agent did just that. His wife woke up and realized he was not snoring and he was very dead

I really appreciate your question.
Being a care-giver is a big responsibility.
these caregiver are trained to do a great job.
they are only human just like you.and so what if they nap .
They are following your mom's schedule not yours.
caregiver have kids and families and for them to do such a caring empathetic is a godly thing,
bless all caregive,PSW, RN'S and RNA"s.
like you said no theft,abuse but on safety, and keeping ur mom active well fed and taking her mind of depressing things,
I hope this reply answers your question.

sharon

I sense that there is no trust issue with the caregiver, the only concern you have is the caregiver napping during her shift. You have to know if she remain asleep when your mom wakes up, if that is the case, you have to talk to her. You can't risk thae fact that your mom may wander around while the caregiver continues to sleep. As a piece of advice, there are caregivers specifically trained to handle specific conditions, so if your mom have Alzheimer's disease, choose a caregiver that has training in the management of the disease