Hi, I have an ex-sister in-law that is struggling financially. She is living in assisted housing, receives disability and is broke. She does not have a job. She has offered to move in with my mother as a live-in care giver. She has done this work in the past for many years and has good references. We are planning to have a sit down discussion about the possibility, nothing final yet.
My mother is still living at home but has started to need help with meds and daily care. She recently hurt her shoulder and we have around the clock care now until she recovers. The current care givers are basically their to supervise, make sure she takes her meds, help her up if needed and take her to the restroom.
My question is, if we were to take my ex sister-in-law up on her offer can we do this in exchange for room and board? We could include all meals. We would need her approx 4 hours a day to supervise my Mom. This is as much a benefit for her as it is for my mom (and me). I want to be fair though and wanted to get your thoughts. Thanks.
Can she manage to care for your mom SAFELY?
Research the type of pay that a live in caregiver gets. And what labor laws you have to follow.
Get a contract. I suggest that you have it so that it can be renegotiated after 6 months. This way if she can not handle it then you can look for someone else and her contract will end. On the other hand as your mom declines she may want more money.
One person can not work 24/7/365 so you may need other caregivers that will fill in.
You can not have her work for "room and board" she also has to be paid.
You need to make this "legal" and take taxes out. This may become very important if mom needs to apply for Medicaid.
You also need to be very specific with what she is to do. You say "only" 4 hours a day what do you expect her to do in those 4 hours?
Laundry, housecleaning, meal prep, dishes. What about when it comes to the point where your mom needs help bathing, dressing? Is that still in the 4 hours? Again you need to be specific about what is to be done when you have the "contract" written. (this does not need to be done by a lawyer but be as specific as you can)
If your SIL is equal to the task of providing your mother with adequate support, she's equal to getting a job. I do NOT mean to suggest she isn't entitled to every cent of the disability benefits she's receiving, but why is she receiving them? What's needed is real help for her to become financially self-sufficient. Don't collaborate with her in getting herself trapped in an unpaid, informal caregiving role.
Moreover, you do not want your mother to be dependent for her care on one single person; and that's even before we ask about how they get on with one another as individuals.
I really wouldn't touch the proposal with a stick. They both need support, but not from one another.
So much to consider. Room and board cannot be considered even partial payment for a live in. You need a contract, without one would jeopardize mom's future Medicaid eligibility. Without payment, subject to unfair labor practices, family or not.
Seens awkward in some ways, especially if there is a new sister in law. Perhaps it’s your ex husband’s sister?
Either way, there is also that to consider. What happens when mom needs more help?
Many variables to the situation. If it works, it would be great to have someone you already know and trust.
This could be very complicated & much to consider for Mom & for sister in law.
God bless and help you.
In general, you have to pay a wage as well as provide room and board. Otherwise you are describing modern slavery.
If your family proceeds with this plan you will need to have a care giving contract that clearly spells out:
Tasks, need to be clearly stated
What happens if Mum's care needs increase, either due to another injury or to general decline?
Hours per day
Days per week
Time Off/respite
How long she can stay in the house if Mum dies or moves into a facility
Taxes
Employee benefits
Who is going to prepare the meals? Who is going to go grocery shopping? Just this could easily be 4 hours a day. Add in personal care and medication management and you are almost at a full time job.
Whose car will she use to take Mum to appointments? If her own, how will she be reimbursed for mileage? The same applies to any other use of her personal vehicle.
And the elephant in the room, if you SIL is disabled, will her disability impact the ability to provide care?
Lastly, if it does not work out, can you SIL get back into affordable housing? Here is there a wait list for it.
I will say that there are some red flags though. I'd really think it over carefully, because, it could end up being more of a problem than a help. You say that she is on disability and broke. I'd be concerned that she is able to do what you ask. Can she get bonded? She must need help her herself if she qualifies for AL.
Also, if she were to get sick and take to her bed, who will take care of her?
What if your mother and her just don't get along, once they spend a lot of time together. At this point, she would have given up her AL and possibly other benefits.
With Covid, some states have temporary laws that may prevent you from evicting someone. So, she could be able to live in the house rent free, even though, she doesn't do any work. Also, what if she gets hurt? What if she sues your mother? I'd likely consult with an attorney and maybe an accountant about it. I'd be inclined to want a written contract, drafted by an attorney who can anticipate all the issues that could arise.