Mom with moderate dementia insists on sewing but it aggravates her. Should we try to discourage or let it be?

What if the Adult Center "invited" her (w/ your connivance) to show some of her dolls. Take her & a batch of dolls for her to display and talk about w/ the other old folks. Might become a center activity and a "permanent" collection point for some of the dolls and give her a feeling for how it's more fun to share her hobby than to add to it.
BetseyP

Could she make a simple patch quilt? I sew all the time, and do a lot of charity sewing. You can buy packs of 5" squares all cut and it would be so much easier than sewing intricate little doll outfits. Sometimes it doesn't matter what we sew, just that we can sew. Sew many things we can make.

That is what your mom knows best she has done all her life created beautiful things . She gets frustrated because it does not come as naturally to her but don’t discourage her or she will do nothing . Even simpler projects . “ hey mom I really need such or such it a purpose..

There are items that can help a person thread a machine. Help her. She is struggling to maintain her identity.

Oy vey - the dolls!! My Mom was a doll collector too and her house was filled with them. She had given up sewing clothing years before dementia set in but still liked to keep her hands busy with crochet, knitting, embroidery, etc. When she came to live with me I would get her involved in "helping" me sort through my own craft and sewing supplies so she felt useful. When she got frustrated that her hand embroidery looked bad, we bought her colored fabric pens so she could still do something creative. I just kept trying to find alternative ways that would feed her creativity. As for coloring books and children's crafts........no go. She would turn up her nose at anything that was for children so I even had to keep the puzzles she loved more adult in nature. I think, if you can find a way that your Mom can still do some small piece of what she used to do, you may be successful. Best wishes!

There comes a time in MOST elders' lives where they can no longer have the skill set that they once had for their hobby of choice. When my mother became legally blind, she could no longer read, knit or crochet. She managed to still write letters by a very large magnifying machine from the COB (Commissioner of the Blind) as she still had peripheral vision. She did this for years and she even was still able to write out checks! So perhaps your mother could perhaps knit doll clothes - anything - some different way. I only know one lady who is an anomaly. She is 100 and 3/4 years of age! She is the deacon of her church, sets up urns of coffee and make 50 to 60 donuts for parishoners, has a vegetable garden and fruit trees/bushes that she "puts up," e.g. cans, has continued to sew over 5,000 quilts, drives locally (insert - she got in trouble with her grandson, who is a New Hampshire state policeman when she drove down to see my late mother in Massachusetts - she wasn't really supposed to be doing highway speed, 65 mph, driving, but she cheated and he found out about it!) and she hosts dinners for her family!

My first thought is similar to Sunnygirl1's suggestion - remove the sources of frustration. Now, how to do that without upsetting her will take some finesse. It might depend on her level of dementia. If you can try making it disappear over time... remove the materials first, a bit at a time. If she notices, you can always fib and tell her she used them already. Then the dolls... a few at a time. Maybe start with one room, and when there are only a few left, move them to the other room. Best to do this when she is not there to see it happen, if you can get someone to take her out for a bit, or while she is sleeping. Perhaps you can tell her that the dolls needed cleaning, or are being displayed at a school or museum or some other plausible scenario... The sewing machine has to go as well. Maybe tell her it needs to be cleaned or repaired and take it out then. If she asks about it, they are still working on it.

Meanwhile, perhaps some of the suggestions about other crafts that she might be able to handle, to keep her busy/occupied making things. I was really surprised when mom participates in jigsaw puzzles. This is something she would NEVER have done, ever. It started when I joined another jigsaw lover in her MC facility and mom just joined us. When I was there yesterday, she was working with a staff member on one! You never know what might perk some interest - try any/all and see if it sparks any interest! Another option while making things go away is to perhaps try assisting her by threading the machine for her and keeping tracks of the patterns, pins, etc. Can you lock the room so she can't go in unless you are with her?

Our mother used to sew all kinds of things, but eventually just stopped. The stuff just sat around unused. What she did start doing is rummaging through old paperwork. This lead to a lot of frustration for me and her (mostly me!) She dug out old W2s and was insisting that someone died and left her money, but "it doesn't say who." This was related to me by phone so I didn't know what she was referring to (she was still living alone, didn't need a lot of help then.) YB checked once and told me it was paperwork, but didn't take it. Phone calls continued, so I had to check it myself. I got her to understand SOME of it, but with dementia the explanation wouldn't stick. Her final question was why she was getting these now, because ANYTHING on the kitchen table "just came in the mail." I just chalked that up to people sending them being stupid... The W2s indicated Death Benefit, because it was my dad's pension she was now getting. When I tried to explain that was because dad died, she just said Oh he died years ago (still focused on this being life insurance!) She also found an old life insurance paper Dad had started and probably revised/submitted later when they sold the FL condo - these have to go to HR. Even showing her the tax return paperwork that indicated she received it, she insisted on filling it out! Sure, go ahead mom. Where do you mail it to? I left that for later.

In the end I had YB take her out for the day and then swept the place clean of any/all paperwork. Mail for bills and banking were all forwarded to me. SS and pension paperwork (both federal, so POA doesn't work!) took more time to get sent to me instead. Once out of sight, it was out of mind. She did once kind of remember she had something, but couldn't recall what it was. Getting rid of it all took away the problem.

It will be a little more difficult with the items of frustration for your mother, but if you can make it all disappear over time and find some replacement activity, it should reduce/eliminate the frustration for both of you!

(Funny how they can remember these things, yet not rummage around for supplies they tucked away, and then report they need more!!! She had so many paper towels, TP, plastic wrap, trash bags, tin foil, etc, because she would forget where she put them and ask for more!)

Similar frustrations here. My mother hast cognitive impairment from brain tumor (relapse of lymphoma), short term memory, and all signs of dementia progressing. She's been a long-time quilter, by hand on grandmother's frame. Now, she's unable to do any of this successfully by herself. A caregiver or I are her support staff to cut, pin, mark stitch lines. I put painter's tape on the machine bed for visual guide for stitch width. (she was all over the place) She has trouble threading the needle, but keeps at it. Basically, we've got it down to doing everything she can't, letting her sew the seam that's pinned. We joke that she's running a sweat shop, but sewing and (trying) to quilt is all she does now. Can't garden, read, never watched tv, puzzles are hard (even the $$store 'easy' ones), she just can't coordinate eye/hand/problem-solving. And she resists suggestions to do anything else... There's been great suggestions already, hopefully your mom will explore other options. I think the sewing straight lines (lap quilts, and such) may be a good next step.

Thank you to those who offered such great suggestions and over the past week we have tried many. Her response is that she doesn't want to right now, she's too tired, in too much pain, and maybe in a few days. We even offered to buy a new sewing machine that is much easier to thread and to use overall (we even get frustrated with her machine). Sister and SIL have sat with her for many hours trying to avert her attention to simpler sewing projects, but she just get angry and mad at them. Even with doing something constructive with the dolls ends up with the same response. My guess is that she is not remotely interested in doing anything other than to complain about it. I think her brain gets stuck on the one thing she wants to do until another distraction piques her interest and then she will focus on that. I'm finding out there is a definite learning curve in dealing with dementia......especially for those who have a LO that is obstinate, argumentative and negative. Those are the only things that seem to be consistent with our mom. I don't know how anyone is able to deal with this long term and not lose both their minds and spirit. The day to day is brutal.

NY,

Great advice! I find if I offer mom too many options then she will think up a ton of excuses. I love your ‘matter of fact’ approach. I am finding out that is what works best for my mom too. By doing this we reduce the opportunity to show negatively and it relieves some of our stress. Anyway, great answer and I am sure it was well worth your $20 dollars!

If dementia is setting in, I would remove all of the sewing items - too dangerous and things could happen big time. As to the dolls, I guess I would leave most of them. Face the fact she is going to get more and more difficult and given time, her antics will eventually wear you down and possibly destroy you. You have to be extremely firm with her the minute she gets out of line and tell her she must stop the behavior at once. Tell her you will help with all kinds of activities but she must cooperate and prove she is willing to do so. Also threaten her if her behavior continues, she will be placed. Let her rant and rave but protect yourself and your father - and know it may have to happen. Prepare yourself.