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Imho, consult Adult Protective Services or an elder law attorney. Prayers sent.
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Call Social Services. This woman doesn't belong at home. Your heartless soon to be ex obviously doesn't care if she dies on the street. You have no POA and can't take care of her. You obviously aren't going to get help from anyone in the family.
For your own health and well being, as well as her own, this woman needs to be taken care of by someone who knows how to do it. Dementia is tough enough to deal with from your own blood relative. I can't see how you could do it given the resentment this whole situation has brought up.
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Why should OP put out her money for someone not related. I would call APS and hope the state will become Gmas guardian under the circumstances.
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In all due respect, why are you asking us what to do?
Perhaps you need a lawyer. If she is still in 'your' house (which may be community property with her husband), she might be legally entitled to live there.
I wonder, did you tell your husband to make arrangement for her or take her with him? What you said to him in this regard is important. Providing us more information could also have helped me understand the situation with more clarity to provide feedback.
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Isthisrealyreal Dec 2020
Husband is headed to jail and doesn't care what happens to grandma. Last big hoorah before the big house it sounds like.
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I'd be calling Adult Protective Services and making clear you are not kin and have no responsibility for her...unless it is your desire to become her caregiver and want to seek out an elder law attorney and set up a caregiver agreement so you are adequately compensated for this insanity. ANd do take a moment to be glad your hubby is out of the picture.
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Contact the local Department of health and human services. This is the agency that can help you figure out how to get her placed.

You must make it very clear that she is in an unsafe situation and requires care that has walked out. Please do not wait or you could be in trouble. You don't want her neglected and you don't want to look like a solution, it is a terrible situation for you. Please call tomorrow and get the ball roiling. Worse case scenario, call 911 and report that she is a danger to herself and others, this will get her transported for a psych evaluation and then you will have a case worker with the hospital to get things rolling.

Best of luck finding her the care that she needs.
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Could we just spend a moment thinking --with compassion--about grandma? Her whole life is upside down and although she doesn't know all the details, she can feel the tension in the air
She is not a commodity or a lost dog. Let's give her some love and respect.
I realize that this is not solving
anything-- it's just caring for another human being.
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mstrbill Dec 2020
Showing compassion would be contacting social services and making sure she is placed in a situation where she is taken care of properly.
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Well first of all she isn't related to you so you do not have a legal right to care for her. Contact her family and let them know that they need to get her out of your home and take care of her. This isn't your responsibility anymore if you husband has left and didn't consider his grandmother's care. If his family doesn't respond or act you can call the county and they will have to get involved in this mess. Good luck and I hope you get your home back.
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