I already know that many people who have loved ones pass away in hospice think that it was a God send. Namely because the person was probably already actively dying prior to hospice involvement. This post will not resonate with you. This post is for the droves of families, like mine, who were rushed into choosing hospice for their loved ones OR falsely manipulated into thinking it was necessary because your loved one had a terminal illness.
The thing is that my mother, although having a terminal illness, was laughing, dancing, talking, eating and very alert on the day I signed for palliative care after they pressed me to death about it. I felt I had no choice. They assured me that they'd make her comfortable and whatever she wants she gets. It's all about her desires during this transitioning period.
I took a video of my mother dancing and smiling only hours before she fell almost into a comatose state. They told me that ONLY AS NEEDED they'd give her morphine and Ativan. They told me because her body will start to produce great pain as the process progresses. So I agreed. What I didn't know is that after that initial permission given by me, they were doping her up at least 3x a day and swearing it was the lowest dosage.
Even after I demanded they stop the morphine and they did their best to convince me that any little movement was a sign of distress, my mother kept getting worse. Finally after thinking that maybe I am tripping, I decided to look this subject up. To my dismay I found droves of stories identical in almost every way to mine.
I took my mom off of hospice and she's on life support in the ICU. We (the people with this experience) are not all just in denial or lacking understanding or simply grieving. We all have the exact same story. Loved one very responsive though terminal. Could have lasted a good while longer. Exact same two drugs given (morphine and Ativan), promise of lowest dosage and suddenly our loved one completely vegetated overnight. Nurses trying to convince you that any movement at all was pain and they needed more drugs. Dehydrated because the ability to request water was taken away but they sure can swallow the liquid meds.
Who thinks they should be investigated and is willing to do whatever it takes to get them at least investigated? Hospice in general. The practice.
Sadly I think you may possibly fall into the group of family members who has a difficult time accepting the inevitability of death. I very much doubt your story that a Hospice entered your Mom's home and dosed a singing, dancing, laughing woman to her death, and that is really what you are suggesting.
None of us were present during the time your particular hospice cared for your Mom. I suggest you take your concerns to their own counselors. I think you may also want to consider the counseling of a Certified Licensed Social Worker in private practice who can help you work through the grief of this hard loss. It is known that many will stay in a state of trying to blame others for death as a way to prevent their having to move into and embrace the grief of final loss.
I thank all the powers that be for Hospice. As an RN my career I saw such suffering before we got Hospice here from across the pond, where it began. Such awful needless screaming suffering as you cannot imagine, and I assure you, had you witnessed that for your Mom the images would never leave you. It saddens me that I see Hospice now moving into the for-profit military industrial complex, offer less individualized care than once they did. Still I thank goodness they are there for us.
I wish you peace in your grieving and I hope you will seek help for yourself as you have had a great loss and you deserve help.
Once the patient passes, Hospice is no longer being paid. Does it make sense that Hospice would want to accelerate that patient's passing?
There are cases where a patient graduated from Hospice and continued to live. Hospice takes one off of all their pills except for pills that provide comfort. Some times patients going into Hospice were taking way too many different pills, and once getting off many of the meds started to feel better.
I know when my days are numbered, I would be very angry if my family decided not to bring in Hospice to help me be more comfortable.
Hospice doesn't get paid if their patients are dead. That alone should resonate enough for you to understand that they aren't killing people ahead of their time.
I'm appalled that you would put a dying woman on life support. THAT is the cruelty, not hospice.
I'm going to guess you didn't read any of the information the hospice company provided when your mother was admitted to hospice. You didn't know that a doctor has to make the recommendation for hospice and hospice has to ACCEPT that diagnosis in order to accept the patient. It isn't all in your court, except to give the OK to do the humane thing and focus on making your LO comfortable and focus on the quality of their life and not the quantity. That's where you failed your mother.
I guess hospice will now have to screen family members for suitability for hospice, not just the patients. I can't imagine being a hospice nurse and having to fight with a family member who doesn't have the slightest idea what's going on and relies on internet stories for their information. Thank goodness my family knows and understands how hospice works and would never make me suffer on life support.
The healthcare system truly failed my sister at every turn, including when the doctors sent her to hospice. The very few people who actually treated her decently were those affiliated with the second hospice agency we chose--unfortunately, she needed that level of care and treatment far sooner to truly help her make a meaningful recovery from the initial injury (brain damage due to a blood sugar drop in her sleep). Once she woke up from her coma, she was misdiagnosed, dismissed, and often completely ignored.
As her guardian, I could find very few healthcare providers who cared to make any effort on her behalf at all. The fact that she is in hospice now is largely the result of a culmination of many doctors writing her off because of her age. She was in her 70s--why should they bother trying to save someone of that age? She's old, so it makes sense to just let her go peacefully. That is the attitude we got--ageism at its finest. The original poster might have gotten a very similar response.
We got a call Wed night that he was comatose and we all raced to the hospital, to find him sitting up in bed, eating a cup of soup and talking about his planned trip to Spain! We all sat around like idiots for a couple hours and he was almost manic in his behavior--very unsettling. The dr was there and said "He is just rallying. There is no way he can last more than 48 hrs at MOST with the fact he has almost no red blood cells, and his lungs are filling with fluid. This kind of behavior happens ALL THE TIME".
We all went home, only to be summoned back 6 hrs later to find him comatose and barely able to breathe. The change of 6 hrs was hard to believe, but the dr (who had spent the night with him) said that he was now actively dying and in distress. Asked if he could 'give him something to help calm his breathing'. Of course we said yes, and the DR! administered an enormous dose of what I can only assume was morphine. Dad settled down. He was unaware of us, of his surroundings, and was definitely not going to make it. Doc said he'd be on the floor and would come back to check on him in a half hour.
FIL passed quietly and peacefully within 15 minutes. I am very grateful we got the hour with him the night before he passed.
I feel sorry for you and your pain. Truly--there is NO financial upside to drs calling in Hospice. People feel that it's a mean, cruel thing to do to someone--and it's quite the opposite. And there is no 'pot of gold' at the end of a hospice situation. Once the patient has passed, they aren't making money from them. I don't mean to be unkind, but give this time and get some grief counseling.
I only shared my story b/c it did illustrate how caught off guard we were by FIL's sudden death, when he had acted like he always did when hospitalized--well fed and VERY chatty. We were not prepared for the sudden shift in his health.
((Hugs))
Please get counseling for your grief and pain. Please.
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