My mother has been living with me for 6 yrs. She fights with me every day about anything and everything. She tells me how loud I can have my tv, how I can train my dog what I can do and not, how long I should be working so she isn’t at home all day with the animals. She has left my home to visit others like 6 times in 2 yrs. She is driving me so crazy that I lock myself in my room so she can’t bother me I’m 54 yrs old. I’ve basically started living in my bedroom because of all her complaining any time I try to enjoy my life. She had breast cancer… I took care of her through, that she also has arthritis and bulging disc’s in her back lots of age related problems. My mother thrives on attention. She can be the sweetest person you know but as soon as you are behind closed doors it’s a whole other story. The past 6 yrs have been the worst in my life. I cook and clean do her laundry clean her room. Make all of her appointment get her special foods her prescriptions take her to every appointment bring her surprises home. She does nothing but lay in her bed and get up to complain at me. Granted she is 75… but my dad is 77 and works 50 hrs a week with a pinched nerve in his back. In 6 yrs she never washed a dish, offer to rinse her dishes or even load the dishwasher. I literally do everything for her but bathe her or help her to the bathroom, I even serve her meals to her in bed…she feeds herself. I fold her clothes and take them to her to put away, I later find them stuffed behind her bed and stacked in other places. She can follow me around the house and complain all day. I make her appts, she cancels them time and time again, she won’t take her meds correctly so she keeps her infections constantly. If I have any comments to say to her about this it’s full blown war. But I’m the one that has to pay the price for her decision. I’m severely depressed for the way that I’m having to live. I think about doing away with myself if this is how I have to continue to live. She had told me before that she would report for elder abuse. I don’t want my life anymore. I’ve finally brought my mother back to her home state my brother lives here and we have her signed up for senior housing. She is throwing a fit telling me that she is a throw away and none of her kids want her. None of us want her living with us because of how she is. I made the mistake of letting her move to my state and moving in with me. I have paid the price of my mental state. Now she has a multitude of medical problems that she kept canceling appointments for and one might be breast cancer again! I told her that my mental state could no longer take care of her and she said she didn’t care about my mental state. I don’t know what to do I can’t take her back to my home state. I would rather not exist as to keep doing this and let her mentally abuse my mind for yrs to come. I can’t get the guilt out of my head. I need for my brother to help with this and my mother live in her own apt so I can go home. I had to quit my job to bring her here and help her get re established. I can’t even hug or kiss my mom anymore or barely tell her I love her. All her mind games has absolutely destroyed me. And she can just tell me it normal for moms to fight with their kids. Can anyone help with this what I’m feeling and thinking? I’m so desperate
She can't report you for neglect -- there's no basis for this accusation so please ignore it. Moving someone to a facility is the opposite of neglect. She's just desperate and pulling out all the stops. My MIL didn't want to go into a facility but now after a while she's actually doing much better mentally, emotionally and even cognitively. It's rather astonishing. On the last visit she was in bed reading a book. Reading a book was something she *never* did in all the years I knew her. She said she loved the novel and couldn't but it down! She is enjoying the social interaction (mostly with staff) and she'd be getting none of this cloistered in her home with a single caregiver. Please work on not feeling guilting. Think of it more like feeling grief. You've done nothing wrong. You gave her a lot and it has been a totally thankless job. Now do what is good for everyone and move onward and upward with your life. Blessings to you!
Once you have healed a bit you may want to refer to a blog by Bob DeMarco:
https://m.facebook.com/alzheimersreadingroom/
He describes his journey with his mother who had Alzheimer’s disease and he discovered quite a lot and developed methods of working with the disease.
Your mother may still be a narcissist but you can begin to understand and forgive at least some of your mother’s behavior. Be proud of yourself that you made a decision and have spoken up for yourself by making this change. You are not abandoning her-you are letting the professionals take care of her.
I’d also suggest you get out quick before your brother has a chance to change his mind.