He is currently going through chemo and has fallen at least 5 or 6 times in the house. He lost weight and is very weak from the side effects of chemo. Three to 4 days after chemo he can't stand on his feet and doesn't sleep well. He is not making rational decisions. Recently my daughter drove with him and he was weaving on the road although he got where they were going.
I'm very concerned being his POA.
Please advise.
Joe
First and foremost as others have suggested, you need to keep the car away from him. You can tell him a therapeutic fib, like, "The doc says no driving until you've recovered from your treatment." or something along those lines so he can't blame you.
Then make sure he has lots of rides when he needs them to lessen the impact of this loss of freedom. Otherwise he will just be calling you up and cranking about it every day.
If you have a hard time getting him to voluntarily giving up driving, ask his primary physician to order a virtual driving assessment through the OT dept (occupational therapy). This is how I got my 95-yr old to stop when she was 100% resistant. The OT, primary doc and Dept of Public Safety do all the dirty work. Can't blame you.
But then you'll have to still take away the car. My Mom went so far as to hide the keys so well even she couldn't remember where she put them. Then she also did the same with the car title to prevent me from selling it (it didn't work but made more work for me).
FYI my 90+ yr old uncle drove through a red light and was t-bone on the passenger side, killing his wife and the dog in her lap. She survived cancer twice but not the poor decision of their adult children to not deal with his impaired driving skills. Fortunately the other victims were not seriously hurt.
FYI chronological age is not what should determine whether an elder drives or not. At 92 my Mom was a good driver still (she drove me around and I also would secretly follow her to keep checking). She also knew her limitations: didn't drive after dark, didn't drive in snowy or rainy whether, didn't drive during rush hour or schoolbus time; didn't drive to unfamiliar places.
The days Mark had immunotherapy and I couldn't get off work, a shuttle took him to and from appointments. Medicare paid for nine rides a year.
Would you ride with him?
I am guessing no.
From what you have described he does not sound safe at this time.
I say that because some of this might be caused by his current treatment. If he has not had problems previously it might be related. Meaning once he has completed treatment and regains strength he might be a safe driver. That remains to be seen. For now I would say he should not drive.
You can ask his doctor to say that for now he should not be driving.
I am not one to say that just because of a persons age they should not drive. There are ways to evaluate a driver and that should be done before he drives again.
If that's a no , I don't think others want to be on the road with him driving either.
I know how hard this is to take someones freedom and lively hood away from the. Not to mention the difficult in explaining it to him, and the arguments. But this has to be done.
Best of luck to you.
you came to that part about weaving on the road.
So no, of COURSE he should not now be driving. However, if he is not demented you POA means nothing whatsoever now, does it? He is still in charge of his own choices.
So it is now time for the honest sit-down--which goes something like this:
"Dad. Myra told me that when you and she were out in the car the other day she noted you were weaving in the road. She was quite frightened for you both, as well as for others on the road with you. Don't be mad at her, because she's terribly concerned for you.
You know, Dad, that chemo stuff effects everything, your body, your reflexes, your strength, and most of all it can give people a sort of "brain fog" they call it. Which can make driving really dangerous no matter HOW old you are.
I am going to ask you Dad, now to give up driving while you are on this chemo. Then let's go out together and see how it goes for you? And if we have questions we can let the DMV decide with a driving test. Because this isn't safe.
I don't want to step on your toes here. But I hope you are considerate enough to know you don't want to end your life having hurt your granddaughter, or another driver on the road. I hope you will agree with me.
Now if Dad is adamant you have some decisions to make. I would start those decisions with a trip to the DMV to speak with them. I would go to his doctor as well to report this. They may intervene.
Your POA is useless for someone who is competent under the law.
You have your voice.
You have the hope your father is a decent enough human being to think about others if he doesn't care much about himself at this point.
I can only wish you the best. Not everything can be fixed. But granddaughter needs not to be in that car anymore, and that goes for everyone else as well.