I've been my mother's family caregiver for seven years and have watched her go from moderate cognitive impairment to very advanced dementia. She's lived in three different facilities and I go to see her once or twice a week. I've also handled all her bills, medical appointments, taxes, ordering medications, buying diapers, everything. My brothers live across the country and usually visit once a year for a couple of days. I'm spent. The visits with my mom have gotten more and more difficult. She usually recognizes me but she's barely a shell of the vivacious and intelligent woman she used to be. She can't put more than a few words together and sometimes she just moans, like she's aching to get out of this life. I get so depressed when I see her. I try to hold her (she's very affectionate), play music she likes, take her outside, bring her treats to eat. What else can I do? And how can I keep from getting bummed out every time I see her?
(As I look through the topics it's hard to know whether to list this under Caregiver Burnout, Depression, Activities & Recreation or Life as a Caregiver! I'm dealing with all those things!)
Take comfort: you're doing the right thing by still going. Your mother's awareness of it may have dwindled sadly, and will continue to deteriorate, but whether you see it or not your love is really important.
You are not just allowed, you're supposed to be sad. Seeing your lovely mother attacked like this is a wretched experience. Often when something is horrible we 'can't bear to look'; but for as long as she lives, your being there helps her - so that's why it's worth doing. That's your motivation, and all sentimentality aside it is a noble one. Take pride in it even if you cannot take any pleasure.
5 - 10 minutes a day is easier than an extended weekly visit for both of us i think .
Keep posting on here, that's what AC is all about.
Hugs..