A temporary situation looks like it may be long term. My 90 year old mother was supposed to go live with her sister, then her sister suffered a stroke and my mother is now living with us. I had to remove her from her home because she could no longer live on her own. She is ok for a few hours at a time, but her vision is bad, she gets confused, so I cannot leave her for more than an hour or two. I am becoming very resentful, and feel like I am a prisoner in my own home. I am 70 and up to this point was an avid golfer and enjoyed being outside. I have multiple myeloma (cancer) and although doing well, I want to be able to enjoy what time I have left. Putting her in Assisted Living is really not an option, she has two small dogs and taking those away from her would be devastating. We have three dogs of our own. I guess I could look into having someone come into our home, but basically they would just be sitting around. I hate feeling resentful, but it is stressing me out. I have a sister, but she lives 12 hours away and has health issues of her own. My husband is still working fulltime and although a great help, cannot be a caregiver. Any advice would be welcomed.
Secondly, The advice below, get help in the home is 100% correct. A companion care aide either private pay, or through Medicaid or VA (if either of your parents served in any of the forces.) Caregiver burnout is real and will affect your health, your attitude and your marriage. So please see where you can get help in the home, even if its friend that is looking to earn a few extra dollars.
Lastly, you need to develop a new plan. I'm not saying your old way of thinking will never be. What I am saying is stop comparing your life to what it was and understand what your home life will be. Kinda like bring home a newborn child or when you first brought home your new puppy. You and your husband changed. There were new protocols; new things changed or were deleted from your life. You need to start thinking about "What is Your new Normal?" with your mother living with you? Try to create a new normal with things you can live with; something like a compromise. Example, Every Wednesday is your golf outing with the woman's league. You don't have to or want to change that, so look for a person to adult-sit on Wednesday. So you are not pressed to be home and your mother is taken care of.
If you have questions please feel free to ask,
Most important...
Stay Inspired,
Shonda
You are a prisoner in your own home. You are becoming resentful because you're giving more than you have to give. Don't feel guilty about that.
Your life is more important than your mother's dogs. Put her in assisted living or a nursing home. Visit her often. Be very active in her life and her care, but do it.
Everyone will be better off for it. You, your husband, and your mother. The two of you will get your home and life back and your mom will get one of her own because she'll be around other people and will have activities to do.
Now it's a pleasure having my Mom with me because I'm not the one TRYING to care for her when I really can't.
Get some hired help and you will feel a lot better.
Best wishes to you and your Mom.
You need to start setting boundaries. At 70 with cancer, you are not doing yourself any favors by attempting to care for your mother. What if your own health suddenly goes down the tubes?
Don't wait until it becomes an emergency situation. It's time to start pursuing other options for mom, such as Assisted Living or Memory Care.