I take care of a 95 yo lady that had a partial hip replacement 3 weeks ago. Her mind is sharp as a tack and she had a personal trainer come to her home 2 times a week for at least the 3 yrs I have been working for her so she has as fit of a body as I've ever seen on someone her age. I've been with her 24/7 for 3 weeks now and she makes me walk with her to the bathroom every time she goes. She does the rest, I just have to go to the bathroom every time she goes. She has p.t. 3 times a week and said today she didn't want it anymore because it wasn't doing her any good. But I still have to walk with her to the bathroom and wait on her hand and foot. I have a 15 year old daughter at home by herself and another client that this one refuses to let me go check on. She says she needs me. There are no complications from her surgery everything went very well. She says she has to be "released from doctor" before she can stay alone. We can't go back to the dr until at least may because of corona virus concerns. I don't want to rush her but I have my own life. I feel so guilty but manipulated as well.
Much more honoured in the breach than the observance, this rule; nonetheless it IS a rule, and a rule you can get "pinged" for, as they say in ball games. I once explained, in all sincerity, that I try never to think about the next call because it distracts me from concentrating on this one; and that excuse for not answering when asked where I was off to next (apart from its being true) seemed to go down quite well.
You are a professional caregiver. You are not this lady's friend, nor her ministering angel, nor her life support system. You have the luxury that you can write your boundaries down in black and white, on a timetable that shows exactly when you will be on duty in her home, working the hours for which you are paid, in accordance with your contractual agreement with her. Focus on providing her with objectively excellent care and reject all her attempts at emotional blackmail.
You cannot - nobody can - do this job 24/7. It's ALREADY unreasonable.
Sure, she needs someone with her until her doctor signs her off. So she needs another 2 x caregivers for the time being. Do you know any fellow professional caregivers you think well of that you could recommend to her? - if not, you can still help her recruit good ones.
She has to pay you overtime for anything over 40 hours a week, unless your contract stipulates over 8 hours a day.
If she is not, this needs to be rectified immediately.
Did you agree to 24/7 for an unknown amount of time because of the surgery? If not you have no obligation to stay with her. If she can't be left alone you should inform her that you will call Adult protective services for her so she can get into an assisted living facility until she doesn't need 24/7 care.
It sounds like she is manipulating you and only you can stop it.
Best of luck getting her to see that you can not abandon your family for the duration.
Welcome to the forum.
Tell her that she needs to hire another caregiver for another shift. Offer to help find someone if you want to speed up the process. You could fill in the new person on what is needed.
Your 15-year-old daughter shouldn't be left alone. You are telling her what your priority is (not her, which it should be).
You know what you should do, which is cut this woman loose. She is okay to be on her own, according to the PTs. Can't you see what she's done to you?
You are handling this well and doing what you feel like you should by helping Betty and going home to your family.
If I can recommend one thing, when your manipulative client starts throwing a tantrum, quietly and calmly tell her that is enough, if she doesn't stop you will be leaving immediately. If she doesn't stop, you go. Even if you are only gone for 15 minutes. She is making herself sick to control you and I promise you that you want to nip this in the bud. No disrespect intended, but seniors are like dogs, if you let them do something 3 times it becomes a habit. You have to teach her that her antics only cause you to leave. She is safe to be alone, she is just frightened. The way to over coming fear is to face it. So leaving her everyday will help her adjust and you can do it in a way that isn't abrupt.
Give her time boundaries with her shower. Sweetheart I need to have you in the shower no later than ?? at that time tell her that you need to start within 5 minutes or it will have to wait until later, then don't start the shower later than you can manage and still get home to see your family.
Remember that you are dealing with someone that is having a second childhood but has a lifetime of experience with which to work the situation. Imagine a 3 year old spoiled brat that has the life experiences of an 80 year old, scary what that looks like.
I would personally tell her what you need to do to support your family and make it clear that you have to do this or make the choice to be there for your family fulltime. Give her the choice to continue to have your help or lose your help completely because you can not abandon your family any longer.
In caregiving it has to work for everyone or it doesn't work, you are seeing that 1st hand, your resentment is a clear indication that it isn't working.
You can do this!
You are not held prisoner. You are a staff member & as so, should have agreed hours & pay. Yes you are being taken advantage of - but it's up to you to stand up for yourself & change this situation.
That was a good idea getting the PT review. Use that to discuss (& sign) a new work contract with this client that you BOTH understand & agree on.
Be professional but firm. THESE are the hours I can do.
If she is capable of making decisions, she hires extra staff. If she is not, her POA will need to arrange.
Just remember, she is not evil, just old & needy. When needy, people get manipulative to try to get their needs met. She trusts you, so she is trying to keep you - it's simple from her point of view really.
Another work option you may consider would be to work in nursing homes. You can care for many & will learn how other staff engage with their client, then gracefully disengage when time to leave & tend another. It takes practice. Good luck.