My mother is 85 and lives with me now. She refuses to be told what to do what not to do, she enjoys her alcoholic drinks and last night I had to call the ambulance because she drank so much she was throwing up for over an hour and a half, had fallen and hurt her self. I have removed all alcohol from her room and in the entire house. First thing this morning she tells me we need to go get more, I said absolutely not and she got upset with me, I said if it’s a problem she could move in with my brother. I realize at times I’m dealing with a 2 to 16-year-old but I’m also dealing with my own health issues just coming out of a 22 year marriage due to divorce taking care of our property, house, yard, dog and kids. I reached out to my mother's primary care this morning and set up a video appointment for Wednesday I’m thinking some sort of antidepressants or anxiety meds will be needed. Does anyone have some advice dealing with an alcoholic parent? Thank you.
What I do know for certain is that if your mother is used to a certain amount and you withdraw her without a detox in facility there could be mental and physical repercussions. I am so sorry you are faced with this. I think you should opt for placement for your mother, especially if there in now dementia, alcohol related or otherwise.
Second, educate yourself on the risks of an alcoholic going cold turkey.
Third, enlist the help of both your GP and hers. Yours for your own peace of mind, hers so the doctor is fully aware of how much she drinks and how often.
Many years ago I thought an alcoholic was someone who drank every day. I later learned that it can also be someone who cannot control the amount they drink after the first drink, but they do not necessarily drink on a daily basis.
There was a research project in Vancouver a few years ago where alcoholics were given measured doses of alcohol throughout the day. https://www.phs.ca/project/community-managed-alcohol-program/
Having had one relationship with an alcoholic, I know that I could never live with one again. I do drink socially and study the wine industry as well as attend wine events, but I do not drink to excess.
There's nothing fun about living with an alcoholic, I know as my first husband was one. My son from that marriage also became one in his early twenties. Thankfully both are now considered "recovering alcoholics".
Al-Anon was eye opening for me when I was going through this with my son. It helped me see that I was in fact enabling him, and not helping him in the choices I was making. Once I made that realization, I stopped enabling him, and it was at that point that my son actually reached out for help himself and got sober.
You don't need this added stress in your life as you have your own family to be concerned about. One thing I know for sure, and that is unless an alcoholic admits they have a problem, they will never seek help, and there's nothing you can do to help them. Time to get mom out of your house. Good Luck.
What you described was tantamount to alcohol poisoning. Does this happen frequently?
Actually, one of the biggest no-no's in taking antidepressants is that you MUST NOT drink alcohol with them. How's mom going to handle that?
No doubt her PCP is very aware of her alcoholism and has given her the riot act many, many times. She is non compliant.
You have 2 kids, right? And they are seeing this behavior. Not good.
I'd be looking into long term care facilities if I were you. And getting mom out of my house and daily life.
Unless she's ready to dry out and 'behave' you are whistling in the dark.
I wish you the best of luck.
Long story short, dad ended up in memory care at age 78 and died at age 81. Mom continued to live at her home (three doors away) and was using a walker at age 76. Now she's 78 and has been in and out of mental health facilities, skilled nursing facilities, and is a regular ER visitor - all since age 72. I have recently sold her house and moved her into a rental apartment to get her far enough away that my own household can be happy again. But, she REFUSES to go to any type of assisted living. She falls regularly, has multiple broken bones, bruises all over her arms, bleeds like crazy at the slightest injury. She has dragged me through the mud since I was around age 40 to now age 53. And, heck she's not even 80 yet. I can't give her another decade. There have been so many promises that she will straighten up her act, including just yesterday, but it NEVER changes, it ONLY GETS WORSE. She has kept me in "crisis" mode all of these years. I feel I will NEVER be free.
Keep your distance from an alcoholic parent. Protect yourself. My parents were model citizens, business owners, loved in the community, very highly thought of. I am an only child. I never saw this coming, never expected it, was unprepared for it, and I have no backup. RUN RUN RUN.....