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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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My Mom worked hard her whole life. She was born in the depression and was a child during WW2. She also slept most of the time in late stage dementia. I figured she deserved the rest after a lifetime of work.
Sometimes words on comments/threads/texts get lost in translation or people read between the lines. There are times when people comment in a rush or misread a word or experience loss, fatigue, sleep deprivation or brain blips when commenting. My hand is raised 🖐. Life gifts us peace, joy and contentment when we choose to build up rather than tear down, explain not complain, seek to understand, and not to be understood. We're all learning, growing, failing and succeeding in different ways until our last breath. Live. Laugh. Love. Out. Loud!! ❤️🩷💜
What would you have her do if she were awake, with advanced dementia? Insist her dead loved ones were locked away in the closets, like my mother did? Get so agitated with Sundowners that she'd need medication just to breathe w/o hyperventilating?
I'd have given anything for my mother to have "slept her life away" peacefully during her horrible last year of dementia.
Yes, let her sleep. Some difficult behaviors go with dementia. When she's asleep she is peaceful and not exhibiting those behaviors, some of which are hard to live with. Like moaning, screaming, tearing things up, walking around the house and not being able to sit down and rest.
We have to practice not "projecting" onto our LOs what we think they "should" or "could" be doing at any point in their journey. Sometimes increased sleep is a symptom of depression, if your LO is not on any meds for that at this point. Sleeping more may feel wrong (and worrisome), but isn't. Whatever keeps them in a state of peace is right. There is no wrong way as long as they aren't suffering.
Thank you for this post. My 86 year old husband is in mid-stage dementia and I'm trying to learn as much as I can about options, what to expect, etc. This is helpful.
Yes Darlene, it is very common for someone with advanced dementia to sleep a lot, especially as they are nearing end of life. I would now get an assessment from hospice to see if your mom qualifies for their care. My late husband slept about 16-18 hours a day the last 6 months of his life and then about 20+ hours a day towards the very end of his life. I wish you well as you take this final journey with your mom.
Thank you a thousand times for this post. My 86 year old husband is in mid-stage dementia and I am trying to learn as much as possible about what I can expect. While I know each case is different...there is no way to know exactly how it will play out, only the end result...I do appreciate everyone's willingness to share their paths. Blessings.
First, sleeping a lot, increased sleeping is a decline that Hospice looks for when recertifying a patient on Hospice. My Husband went from sleeping a "normal" 8 - 9 hours to sleeping 23-24 hours the last month of his life. As a person declines it takes energy to keep the body running. Breathing, heart beat, digestive system, kidneys and yes the brain even though it is broken. Sleeping is a way that some of the outside stimulation can be shut down so it does not have to be interpreted. (hearing, vision, taste, smell) I also read an interesting pamphlet called "Crossing the Creek" (a guide to understanding the dying process) and the thought there is that sleeping is a way for a person to resolve conflicts. A lot more can be accomplished in dream state than can be in a waking state. So in essence I would not worry about sleeping a lot. If she is as active as she can be during the time she is awake and if she is eating, drinking as she should then again I would not worry. If you have not contacted Hospice I would do so. They can provide so much help as well as information along with all the supplies and equipment that you need. If you do have Hospice and they have not explained the process and what to expect then they are not doing their job well. She is not sleeping her life away...Dementia is taking what she has left, she has lived a life, what remains is a shell.
Your LO is in the advanced stage and I am sure this is so difficult to see her in a shell of former self. How is she during her awaken state? Calm and pleasant? Or confused and agitated? Can you even make her stay awake? Does she drift off in any environment?
At this stage I would recommend assessing her during the awaken period to see if she is able to do more and stay awake. Don't force just let her take the lead and embrace extra awake periods that are free of agitation.
My mom sleeps about 20 hours a day with at most 45 minutes awakening periods. She is most comfortable this way. She will drift off even in an upright position at a table.
At this point her confusion is to far along to force her to stay awake. A short pleasant awake period is far better than a longer awake period that is mostly confusion that leads to agitation.
My mom slept more and more as she got closer to the end. I let her sleep unless we had an appointment or reason to go out. It's a natural process, I believe. I made use of the extra "me time."
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'd have given anything for my mother to have "slept her life away" peacefully during her horrible last year of dementia.
Be thankful that she's comfortable!
May you receive peace in your heart.
I would now get an assessment from hospice to see if your mom qualifies for their care.
My late husband slept about 16-18 hours a day the last 6 months of his life and then about 20+ hours a day towards the very end of his life.
I wish you well as you take this final journey with your mom.
My Husband went from sleeping a "normal" 8 - 9 hours to sleeping 23-24 hours the last month of his life.
As a person declines it takes energy to keep the body running. Breathing, heart beat, digestive system, kidneys and yes the brain even though it is broken. Sleeping is a way that some of the outside stimulation can be shut down so it does not have to be interpreted. (hearing, vision, taste, smell)
I also read an interesting pamphlet called "Crossing the Creek" (a guide to understanding the dying process) and the thought there is that sleeping is a way for a person to resolve conflicts. A lot more can be accomplished in dream state than can be in a waking state.
So in essence I would not worry about sleeping a lot.
If she is as active as she can be during the time she is awake and if she is eating, drinking as she should then again I would not worry.
If you have not contacted Hospice I would do so. They can provide so much help as well as information along with all the supplies and equipment that you need.
If you do have Hospice and they have not explained the process and what to expect then they are not doing their job well.
She is not sleeping her life away...Dementia is taking what she has left, she has lived a life, what remains is a shell.
At this stage I would recommend assessing her during the awaken period to see if she is able to do more and stay awake. Don't force just let her take the lead and embrace extra awake periods that are free of agitation.
My mom sleeps about 20 hours a day with at most 45 minutes awakening periods. She is most comfortable this way. She will drift off even in an upright position at a table.
At this point her confusion is to far along to force her to stay awake. A short pleasant awake period is far better than a longer awake period that is mostly confusion that leads to agitation.
A lot of dementia patients sleep a lot. It so much work for them to be awake, it tires them out.
This is not unusual.
Learn more about dementia, read books, Google everything you can find
You tube Teepa Snow.
Best of luck