Yesterday I went to NY to visit my apartment where I had lived since 1996, but for the last 3 years I've been living with my 104 year old mother, taking care of her in NJ. I try to go to NY at least once a month to get my mail, see friends, etc. Yesterday I had a dermatologist appointment. I had never been there before. It was on Sullivan Street, next to MacDougal. I live on MacDougal and Prince. For SOME reason, I got it in my head that I just had to go straight up MacDougal. I had it in my head it was Sullivan Street. I wasted 20 minutes calling them trying to find it. Finally, I asked a bike messenger who told me it was the next street over. I was gobsmacked. I was on the wrong street. A street I knew well.
Now I will say I have always been "spacey". I have been very stressed lately taking care of my mom who has dementia and now, my brother who is an alcoholic schizophrenic with a horrible temper. His house burned down Dec. 17. I also am helping a few people with their film projects and am helping another friend with a legal matter.
I think I'm close to burnout.
Is there something wrong with me for thinking I was on Sullivan Street when I was on MacDougal? I know the difference! I just got it in my head that I was on Sullivan. This is very upsetting to me. Is this a sign of dementia? Thanks. Appreciate your thoughts.
You are stressed
You get to that area 1 time a month.
This was a new dr. A new location.
Give yourself a break.
Now if you truly have concerns do a little deep thinking. Are there other times that you missed a street, did not know that date and were confused when you found out the right date? Were there times when you forgot what a direction in a recipe meant? Forgot what a spatula was? Or if you are not into cooking forgot what a direction was in a particular hobby you enjoy? Did you leave the water on? the stove on?
I have said that pinpointing dementia is like looking at a picture from a distance then as you get closer you realize that picture is made of hundreds of other pictures that make the whole. (I hope that makes sense)
When you go for your Annual Physical...and if you don't have one scheduled please schedule one.. your doctor should be doing a Mini Mental Test. (if you are Medicare age) If it is not part of the exam ask that you be given one. And be open and honest with your doctor about your concerns.
Honestly I think you are burning your candle at both ends. You can not sustain the pace you are.
Please look into either placing mom in Memory Care and/or cutting back on some of the other people you are helping.
I say this because I believe it will bring you peace.
If this is worrying you enough not to just say to yourself "Well, you fouled that one up", and move on, then I think perhaps other things are bothering you as well.
I would say we worry these things much more as we age; I am 81, my partner is 83, and yeah, we get forgetful. We say more often to one another "But don't you REMEMBER! I told you that YESTERDAY".
Then we question is it in our HEAD or in our EARS? Is it normal or is it something to worry about? And on and on and on.
You are so right that dealing with "stuff" makes us spacey. And more so as we age. I told my doctor at my last checkup that the anxiety I can get is worse with age. It can just kind of send me into a freeze-frame in which I don't much compute any thing; at worst I am a bit like one of those silly goats that freeze with any anxiety, and I feel I could be tipped over with a push!
You sound, in your note to us, really quite articulate.
But you are worrying.
And it's my guess that making an appointment with your doc for a check-in would relieve your mind. So just DO it. Meanwhile practice spelling Forum backwards! And other words.
As a retired RN know that I used to tell the doctors when they did neuro exams with that "tell me the last three Presidents business" I couldn't pass their exams on my best days! Just the anxiety of the questions would--well, to be honest--TIP me OVER!
Good luck. Remember to know you can't do it all, and to do some self care now.
I lived in NYC for 58 years and worked in Manhattan most of my adult life and knew the city very well. I have lived in California for ten years now. When I come back home, I frequently get disoriented when I get off the train at stops I got off for years. Sometimes I can't remember which direction to go to. One time I got on the M60 and ended up in Queens instead of West 106th.
I wouldn't worry to much about it if it is a one off. You've got a lot on your mind. If it makes you feel better, go to a doctor. But things like this happen.
You are super stressed with everyone's stuff. Maybe it is time disengage from caregiving a 104 year old with dementia and place her in a NH. Not sure what you can do about your brother. But take something off your plate to ease your load.
I truly wish you all the best.
I had 4 boys, one time I was dropping them off at a friend's, and almost dropped them off at school instead.
Also lack of sleep
I would take advantage of your free Medicare annual wellness physical. At this exam ask them to give you a cognitive and memory test so that there is a baseline measurement in your records. Then every year you can measure how things are going, rather than fretting and guessing.
The more important issue is: do you have all your legal ducks in a row? What's your own plan for care when the day sneaks up on you (or clobbers you) and now your decisions are in someone else's hands? Do you have a facility vetted and chosen, should this be something you'd need?
Who is your PoA? Hopefully you have one, and hopefully it is someone an entire generation younger than you (ie no sibling, spouse or friend, but an adult child or younger relative or other who is capable, willing and local).
If you don't have a PoA please work hard and fast to figure this out. You also need to have a Advance Healthcare Directive, a Pre-need Guardian document, and a Last Will. Someone should also be your Medical Representative (a HIPAA doc you sign at your doctor's office, not with a lawyer).
When I was still in my 50's I twice left my van running in my work parking lot for the entire 8 hours. I wondered whether I had ALZ. It hasn't happened since and I can't explain why it happened then, but now I'm 65 and haven't displayed any other unusual cognitive problems.
No one can control or predict most types of cognitive decline. No one wants to think about themselves getting dementia. But it's a possibility for every one of us and the best we can do is be prepared.
FYI my Mom's family is originally from the Bronx (Paulding Avenue) and my 94-yr old Mom's sister (my Aunt) in FL will turn 105 this May, with no end in sight! I joke with them that they're living long just to spite me...
Thank you for your answer. I was going to mention that I am 69, but forgot! ha!
Yes I have all of those things but do not yet have POA for me. I have no children. I do have younger friends.
Thanks for telling me about leaving your van running. That sounds like something I would do but have been doing all my life. My mother used to say if your head wasn't attached you'd lose it. I'm amazed I got this far in life. It's amazing your van wasn't stolen!
But if you are concerned, ask your PCP to evaluate you for dementia (which he should be doing anyway).
Thank you for reminding me about a B vitamin deficiency as well.
You said you have been taking care of your 104 year old mother for the last 3 years. Have you been getting out of the house every day? Getting exercise? Eating right? Having regular interaction with people - conversations?
I agree with Alva - go see a doctor- get a full physical - share your concern - it won't hurt to get a checkup.
But there are LOTS of reasons why anyone would have periodic bouts of momentary memory loss.
When I was menopausal - I had to cancel a meeting I scheduled at work because I COULD NOT remember the leader code for my bridgeline. A # I had been using DAILY for years. It just evaporated completely. I was almost in tears.
The next day - it was right there like always.
Prolonged isolation can mimic dementia. My mom is caring for my 98 year old grandmother and my grandmother will not go and do much of anything - even though she can. As a result - she believes that mom should be isolated with her. Mom started to notice memory gaps, depression, mood swings. She told my grandmother that she was welcome to stay home all day every day but she wasn't doing it.
Mom started going to the senior center and taking classes, exercising, going out with friends, getting more social interaction (my grandmother can sit for HOURS and not say a word, and doesn't want the tv or any music on).
The memory gaps, the depression, the mood swings - have all improved dramatically. The memory gaps are gone entirely. The depression only gets bad when she can't get out of the house. Same with the mood swings.
Isolation can be very dangerous.
Also, if it helps… I had a professor explain Alzheimer’s as this:
If you can’t remember where you put your keys, that’s just being forgetful.
If you can’t remember what keys are FOR, that’s Alzheimer’s.
What did you have to do to get diagnosed?
p.s. I'm ALWAYS in a rush; trying to get things done quickly. And trying to get as much done as possible. I suppose before I forget about. I need to keep up that momentum or I feel I'll get stuck in inertia.
I have noticed I am foggier when the weather is gloomy. But so far I seem to be able to calm myself down by telling myself I haven't lost anything yet! I am blaming stress also,, but I looked at mini mental eval and one of the first things was to count backwards from 100 by 7s.. oh no!! I can't do math on a good day! But I do know the day and date..LOL I see my Dr next week, she knows me well so hopefully all is fine, for both of us !
Moreover, that spell Forum backward thing? Easy with practice and visualizing the word, otherwise, when sprung on someone in an exam, many people freeze a bit. There is normal loss, and forgetfulness and words searching with NORMAL aging. For instance, cannot think of the name of a hydrangea or nasturtium, but 20 minutes later, there's that word. But actual dementia much more profound.
Doctors at yearly exams can reassure those of us aging as to whether our aging is kind of "normal" if there's such a thing, or a tad worrisome.
Those who WORRY are almost always better. With real dementia comes denial. Often.
True story for you; two days ago I was walking to my car, unwrapped piece of chocolate in the right hand, car keys in the left. I stopped myself from biting into my car keys - I’d lifted them to my mouth and was about to chomp down - because I’d forgotten what was in which hand! ( If anyone witnessed that I’d tell them I was checking if my keys were made of gold )
I have adhd & some dyslexia ( adult diagnosed ) and that comboed with perimenopause comboed with elder care management and all that entails has created the perfect storm of making my head a blender! With the lid off and stuff flying out.
IMO I bet you’re overloaded and no cognitive decline. That said, why not get a work up …might as well…take care of yourself!
Good luck! And remember, don’t bite car keys …
You certainly do have alot going on in your life to add to any possible confusion. In my mind combine that with the lower East side and there is a recipe for more confusion.
The guidelines of the bigger Avenues intersect creating more confusion. I used to feel when there I was in no men's land.
When we are ill or stressed, that process is interrupted, we aren't concentrating and everything is harder. We put milk in the cupboards, a can of soup in the refrigerator. We throw away the papers we intended to file, save the discards for filing.
As we age things do get more difficult and require more focus, attention and concentration, that's normal aging.Worrying about cognitive decline when we do something silly just adds more stress.
Stress makes everything so very difficult and you sound as though you have reached your limits. Take some deep breaths, try to slow down a bit and reassess. See your doctor, get a physical and please take good care.
OP, if brother is an alcoholic schizophrenic you are under a lot of severe stress.
NYC streets are confusing. Make sure to always get plenty of sleep and drink a lot of water. I find when I am dehydrated my memory is not as good. Take care of yourself.
My uncle had schizophrenia and Dad was a hard core alcoholic. Being around either for more then an hour caused severe stress for me.
You have so much on your plate right now--my guess would be, just from reading your post which was well written and very cohesive--you're just exhausted.
And you probably can't do much to control that, either.
The advice given is great. Take some time for yourself, get plenty of sleep which 'knits up the raveled sleeve of wear'. (darn it. is that right? it sounded good in my head!)---keep hydrated and don't worry. You are as normal as the next person--we all have a limited amount of a 'memory shelf' and when it's full--something has to fall off.
I remember sitting at a stoplight more than one time with a van full of kids and actually saying "Guys, where are we going? I really don't know". They thought this was hilarious, and then the other day my daughter said the exact same thing.
You're fine. NYC is daunting to even the people who grew up there!!!
"During various very stressful times in my life I will have 'episodes' of forgetfulness and I would kind of freak out, thinking "early onset dementia!!"--when in fact, it was always due to the seemingly never-ending stress of just, well, being."
And this:
" get plenty of sleep which 'knits up the raveled sleeve of wear'."
Thank you for your very thoughtful response. It helps