Will convalescent homes take agitated patients? Will agencies send out a caretaker who can take care of an agitated person?

My mother may also have some paranoia and anxiety agitations. She lives in a board-and-care, and last week after my out-of-state family took us all out to get her nails done and to enjoy lunch, Mom refused to go back into the CARE HOME. She wanted to go back to "OUR Residence instead or live on the street!! She yelled at everyone and screamed, and got mad at the staff, too, and they and the Care Manager had to call the cops to talk with her to calm her down and make some sense! Her primary care doctor ordered some stronger sleep medications to please quiet Mom and so she may sleep better, also (with Love)!

My heart goes out to this woman with Paranoia! I had severe Panic and Anxiety for the entire 9 months of my pregnancy and everyone treated me as though I were crazy, when in reality it was brought on by hormones. After my first trimester I was put on medication for the remainder of my pregnancy and I made it through.

I think someone should look at the current medications she is on and see if any of them alone or in combination could be causing the Paranoia. This woman needs something to calm her down and allow her to sleep and her Paranoia may correct itself or at least improve. If it doesn't then at least medicate her for her own comfort, it is not fun feeling so out of control and afraid and it's continues to grow until everyone looks at you and considers you to be the crazy lady, when you are not.

One of my doctors spoke to me about my mother's condition and she told me that more doctors were leaning towards Pallative care, where the ill person or those in charge of their care can remove all medications and allow the person to live without assistance and pass away without interference. She stated that many doctors were dealing with families that wanted to keep "grandma alive at all cost" and they would have them "shocked back to life" 5 or 10 times when there was no way that this person would ever recover and the doctors wanted to see their patients be able to die with some dignity.

At 95 years of age and her husband passed away 20 years ago, she has no reason left in her life to live. My mother is 84 and is the same way, she lost her husband of 60 years about 7 years ago and all she is waiting for is to die and she verbalizes that repeatedly. The ONLY place she will going willingly is to the cemetery to place flowers on her family's graves. She completely gave up on life when my father died.

It is very sad that people like this 95 year old woman and my mother could not give their remaining years to people who are fighting with horrible illnesses who desperately want to live, but that is not possible so we need to at least make them as comfortable as possible until they do pass.

I truly hope this woman gets some relief from the Paranoia so she can at least life the last moments of her life in peace.

God Bless her and be with her in her time of need!

Summerdove, I have had my Mom over 5 years and that aggitation is just a stage. My Mothers neurologist prescribed depakote sprinkles and she was just amazingly calm on it. Each time I tried to wean her off she got aggitated again, until about 1 year. At first they get very tired but then that wears off and they are just calm. It was a lifesaver for us. We had to put high locks on all doors and even windows as she tried to leave also. Thats all over for us, been through it all and now she is happy as can be but cannot walk or barely talk. Still, shes my sweetie and my husband is so supportive. When I was still working I used moms SS to hire a 2 hour a morning caretaker. She came, got Mom dressed and to Daycare. My quiet Mom began to look forward to breakfast with the other people there and even thought she worked there. Good luck, tough to get old.
PS If her husband was in the war, you can get an Aide&Attendent plan for her which is more money for caretaking for you, or Aides, clothing, etc.

Summer Dove,

My heart goes out to you!
Dealing with facilities and their rules is really tough for caretakers stuck with a very difficult elder; it can seem hopeless, at times we most need relief.
When one facility after another refuses to take our difficult elder when we honestly describe their behaviors, it ramps up our own stress levels, as we start thinking there is no hope or relief.

I've had Social Workers tell me no facility would take my Mom, who's had some real "special" behaviors all her life + events that made her behaviors pretty over-the-top; now she's elderly, to boot!
I felt at extremis--shattered, at wits end, unable to last one more day with her.
If someone hadn't shown up the day they did, to remove her, regardless of how they did that, I would have been perma-curled in a corner of a padded cell, sucking my thumb.
The worst thing any systems could have told me, was yet one more refusal of help--yet that kept happening--I was in no condition to figure out anything more, at that point--just needed someone to move her out, and/or, put me out of my misery somehow.

This situation causes caretakers & families to become dishonest or conniving, to get relief & proper care for their elder.
=It's common for families/caretaker to allow an elder to be taken to the E.R. for any emergent medical condition that crops up, then tell the hospital they cannot allow the elder to return home or under their direct care. Seen plenty of that, though some of those fail to block return of their elder to their home.
=It's common for caregiver to stoke the elder with whatever meds the Doc will prescribe, to get them calm enuf to get through admitting process at a nursing home, only to have the elder go wild when the meds wear off, leaving unsuspecting staff to deal with it.....which also helps feed "observations" that elders often have fits of bad behaviors shortly after admissions...how much study data is twisted, based on that? Working in nursing homes, I saw plenty of that.

If an elder has managed to squeak by their whole life, avoiding diagnoses for mental/emotional issues & managed to keep buffaloing others about it that long, it will bring a whole 'nuther facet of difficulty in getting them properly diagnosed as an elder.
Families and friends may commonly describe them as "complicated", or "her moods", or "she's always had a hard life" or, "special", etc.
But getting proper diagnosis is really the better thing to do, because it makes a difference in how they are treated, medicated or not---a difference in their care plans & possibly their prognosis.
IF paranoia is due to an occult infection, a nutritional deficiency, or even dehydration, it makes a difference in their treatment & care.
OTH, if they have some other catastrophic illness that is contributing to their bad behaviors, it may or not be treatable, or may or not be worth treating--in context with overall picture.

It's not likely anyone can change her dementia, but the paranoia MIGHT have something they can relieve...but only if they can deduce cause.
Otherwise, they'll simply "throw drugs at it"....many Docs do.

Nutritionally, it MIGHT be possible that supplement of GABA &/or Rhodiola Rosea, might reduce paranoia. Or B-Vitamins, even.

At 95, considered very advanced age, elders often "give up" struggling;
they've lived a long life, lost what's familiar & enjoyable [quality of life!],
& simply don't want to expend energy to keep putting on a show for anyone, not even beloved family. Perhaps, that needs to be OK?

You might be the one who needs to make that choice for her.
It doesn't sound like she's able to make rational choices for herself.
It feels heartbreaking to make that kind of choice for another, but in some circumstances, it is the kindest thing one can do, to bless them on their path.

Please consider her whole overall circumstances:
=What would she have wanted for herself, in times when she was thinking more clearly & logically?
=Is something realistically treatable to restore some quality of life?
=Is it more humane to allow her to dwindle?

We are all on a path, eventually, to our own deaths; it is part of life.
HOW that process plays out, takes as many different paths as there are people.
We can argue ethics, science, economics, spirituality, etc., but it still heavily boils down to a person's choice--those with dementias can still make choices driven by deeply rooted beliefs & feelings.
They often still get their thoughts & wishes across to others, even if scrambled & veiled by other confusing things--are we really, deeply listening?
Are we able to allow those choices, even if they feel painful?
It can be heart-wrenching, yet relief, too.
You do the best you can, in the moment, with what you understand, with what you know.

Please talk with the hospice nearest her, to see if there is something they might do to relieve you of the bulk of her care. Rules for hospice have changed some over the years. Time limits in it, and reasons for being in it, have expanded.

If she wants to make a report to the police about "stolen" stuff, then call 911, to help her make a report.
Since you're there, you might be asked to tell them =your perspective= on what happened for the report.
It won't take much for them to see what's going on with her.
There are also "well-checks" that could be called on her via the sheriff's office, even if you're there, so someone outside the household is checking on her health & welfare, and documenting it. These reports could help protect you as caretaker.

Please keep us posted!

He was Native American and in the ceremony dirt or tabacco is thrown on the casket and someone must stay with the casket until it is fully in the ground. When asked if she wanted to throw dirt, she said that she didn't need to go near the plot as she would soon be there herself. She stopped eating and two weeks later died.

At the same time in her room was a 90-year-old woman who had just broken her hip. She had lived independently in her own home until that time. She said that she wanted to die but her children had her force fed, and there was a struggle in the room every day. I think they eventually had a feeding tube. The only relative that was against it was her grandson.

My mother does have a living will. No force feeding and no machines.

We would never do that to her. Back in the early 90s, my dad's cousin was in a nursing home dying with breast cancer. She had been living to take care of her husband who had heart disease when he dropped dead of a heart attack. H

Thanks eibunicom. Doctors say she doesn't have dementia, but I think she does. She does have depression, been severly depressed since my dad died 20 years ago and has wanted to die for all those years. For the last few years doesn't eat much and has lost 30 pounds over 2-3 years, 12 of that in the last 1 1/2 years. She says she does want to die and I think her reduced appetite and decreased fluid intake is because of that. She has no terminal illness and her doctor says her heart is still strong. She does have lots of other medical problems including labile blood pressure (although a heart doctor did get that under pretty good control with medications.) She has asked her heart doctor and her primary if she could go off all of her medications (she suffers from terrible dry mouth, although they say probably not from medications but from age and trigeminal nerve cut 25 years ago) but they say that wouldn't kill her, just prevents her from having a stroke or heart attack which would leave her in worst shape.

Doctors say agitation is from paranoia but without dementia. She believes a caretaker stole clothes from her closet (started with one pair but has now morphed into tons of pants, pant suits, dresses and replaced them with the caretakers "castoffs." Wants police, agency, and condo association and neighbors informed. Several weeks ago we went to family gathering and when we got back said caretaker had gotten into house and stolen more clothes while we were gone. Primary physician has prescribe .5 Haldol every 8 hours. Didn't work, primary wasn't in so associate said increase to 1 mg every 4 hours. Really helped. But next day I talked to her primary and she said .5 Haldol at bedtime, and .5 every 8 hours. Didn't work today as she was agitated not too long after waking up. (Agitation is always about calling police and talking to condo association and then lots of things to say about her children for not believing her.)

Siblings called a few nursing homes and homes said they wouldn't take her in while in an agitated state. It's a problem for us because we need to get her calm and she won't take medications while in the agitated state.

Agencies are trained to care for all kinds of people. I have been with an agency for over 3 years who care for my husband who is basically very calm but does get fistey at times and threatens. They he says he is sorry. The caregiver knows how to redirect. I wish I had some of that calmness myself.

I asked the same question when visiting the memory care unit of the nursing home we are looking at for my mom when the time comes. The director told me that when patients are physically aggressive, they go to a hospital unit called Hope Haven where doctors can try medications and other things to help. I would start by asking some directors of memory care units about the procedure in your area, as this seems to be very common as dementia progresses. I just read a Hallmark card that talked about "A Circle of Friends" We all need to start gathering these friends around ourselves as we assist with our parents' needs. Hang in there!

This is why a living will and a person with Medical Proxy is so important. To me, this sounds like a hospice patient but that is hard to know without advance directives.

I hope today's doctor visit helps clarify what is wrong. There are some medications that can help calm agitation. I hope this person had a living will so or at least you know how he or she feels about force feeding, etc. At 95, a person should be allowed to do what he or she chooses. The paranoia concerns me as that is miserable, and if that's the reason for not wanting to eat or sleep, then I do hope a doctor can order a medication (maybe a patch or shot) that will help calm the person. A nursing home should be able to help.
Take care,
Carol

yes nursing homes will take agitiated patients, does he or she suffer with dementia? does he or she have a living will? no one can make her eat or take fluids if she has made a living will that states she does not want to be force fed, my mom had that, are you mpoa, if you are then it is your choice whether to have a feeding tube placed if this person will not eat but at 95 years old I personally would not do this, when someone gets to the point of not sleeping eating or drinking, it usually means it won't be long before they go to be with our Lord. You may also call hospice if they have given this person a terminal illness diagnois or pallitive care. will keep you in my prayers