Dad had surgery recently to fix what he tells me is an issue with his bladder and peeing (penial implant?) So now he is missing the toilet. Probably has something to do with his weight (I am sure cant see it). At first it was dribbles in front of the toilet, now it is puddles. Last night I came home and thought the toilet was leaking there was so much and on the lid (how did that happen)? This is new territory for me to talk with him about these issues. I have been dealing with the living together issues for 3 years now this. Do I just come out and say it? I am not chicken it is just an uncomfortable conversation. My wife and I are tired of cleaning the downstairs bathroom every time. I can't even imagine the hall bath our daughter and her husband use with him (we dont clean that one).
I know what my late Mom would have done. She would have handed the cleaning supplies to Dad for him to do the cleaning. She did that when Dad was refusing to use Depend type garments. Mom was in her 90's and getting down to clean the floor wasn't easy for her any more, but Dad [also in his 90's] still could do the bending as proof from him working in the flower beds. After Dad did a couple of cleanings, I noticed Mom had written Depends for Dad on her grocery list :)
My parents also replaced their toilets with the taller ones to make it easier to stand up afterwards. If there is a weight issue, a different toilet bowl seat with a cut out in front, or replace the toilet with an elongated style.
I seem to recall you blew up at the time of the surgery because you thought was something and turned pout to be something else? We're you able to follow up?
So, TG, there is a LOT of information online about various "penile implant" procedures that address urinary issues. My husband is having some issues right now and is seeing a urologist, so I'm kinda knee deep in information.
The thing is, knowledge is power. So, can you have a talk with your father about what the procedure he had done, what the followup is and whether this is having an effect on his peeing on the floor?
It's kind of beyond me that your approach is "I think maybe he heard me last night"; have you not learned that the direct approach to communication is better in the long run?
I will say, probably repeating myself, that you or someone should be accompanying him to his doctor visits to get accurate information, since from what you've posted in the past, he's having some cognitive/mental health issues that prevent him from being open with you.
Will see, Even when I do talk face to face it works for a little time but then he goes back to the original issue. I am just so stressed with everything here, it is starting to affect me. Apparently it has not been better the past few days my wife has been cleaning the bathroom right after he goes in. Have to talk to him today. Face to face I guess.
As my mother got older, it was clear to all of us that she was not taking in what the doctor was telling her; she was hearing what she THOUGHT she was going to hear. It wasn't a matter of "Mom, I'm going to tell the doctor what you're going to do". It was "Mom, I think we need to figure out TOGETHER what the doctor is saying and then talk over what you think the best course of action is".
She was making decisions based on inaccurate information and it was frustrating to her, to the doctor and to us. Us kids were all her health care proxies and when we'd call the doctor to discuss stuff, he was on a whole different page.
I think it really behooves you to say to your dad "I'd like to help you figure out how you can stop peeing on the floor; it must be really embarrassing for you".
Direct, assertive, confident and authoritative discussions don't need to be arguments or confrontations. I'm not sure that anyone in your family realizes that.