ohmeowzer Asked February 2018
Did you quit your job to take care of your parent?
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I’m seriously thinking of quitting my job to care for mom. I’m an RN and I just don’t have enough caregiver hours to cover my 3 12 hour shifts ...I’m 3 hours short and Mom can’t be left alone at all. I’ve aplied for vouchers but I think I used all my time on them. I have a 401k and I’m only 55 so it will be a penalty to use it. I'm so stressed out and wonder what am I gonna do? My sister died 4 years ago and it’s been horrible since then. I am really alone. No children everyone’s friends living their own life. I’m so sick of being stressed and worried about not having anough hours. I have lots of worries.
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I was between jobs when I moved home to "temporarily" help my mom and was just considering moving on when her health took a sudden turn for the worse. At that point I was certain she would not last 6 months, I'm not sure I would have made the same choices if I had know how much worse things could get or how long she could hang on.
Who's your employer, and how long have you been in this job, and all things being equal - just say we can solve the hours problem - would you like to stay in it?
Now I know that there are some companies/agencies/organisations, sadly, where you don't even let anyone know that you ever have any problem of any sort in case they decide you're a weak link. But assuming that if you're with one of those you'd rather work somewhere else anyway, I'm hoping that you don't work anywhere like that. In which case, have you thought about approaching your HR team and seeing - just *seeing* - if they can do anything to help?
It's three hours. Just three hours, causing a disproportionate loss of sleep. Worth asking, surely?
In my town, there are church volunteers who will come and sit with the housebound, the sick, and the dying. You don't usually have to be a member of those churches. Also there are members of service clubs like the Rotary, the Lions, Kiwanis, Soroptimists, etc., who do the same thing. The Rotary is a HUGE volunteer organization in my town. There's a list of those resources (and other resources for caregivers) that goes around to all the community social workers and agencies.
Maybe there's a chance you can get some help from those volunteers to cover the 3 hours you are still at work. The hospital social workers will know about organizations that send their members out to volunteer in this way. You HAVE to have an income, and this is really the kind of situation volunteers want to be able to help with.
I really urge you not to quit your job. You have to think of yourself, your future. Others have made great points about this, and it IS harder for women in our old age because our earnings tend to be so much lower. I suspect that your mother, in her good years, would not have wanted you to impoverish yourself to do this all yourself.
Some caregivers who quit jobs, have no income, so when the person they care for dies, they are left homeless, no money, no job, outdated skills that make it hard to re-enter the job market.
There is thread that asks how live-in caregivers cope. And there's a thread about what people hate most about caregiving. Just to name a few. Do search for those and read through to see what your future might hold for you.
Don't say we didn't warn you. DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB.
Do I recommend this? Depends. Depends on who you are and your circumstances. My personal circumstances and my mom’s were pretty clear, I’m an only child, my mom was living by herself overseas after cancer, severe depression and too many other ailments to list here. The medical system is not the same as in the US and if you need to go somewhere when you’re elder you simply need to pay for it and that is far from cheap.
I’ve literally no help, and my mom could not stay alone. She has an extremely difficult personality and no external help would work.
Those were my circumstances, plus I’m the type of person that cannot apply that famous phrase of “ she lived her life, you cannot sacrifice yours for her”. I simply could nor live with myself if I left my mom alone, no matter how difficult she or the situation becomes.
That’s why I said ir depends on who/how you are, and your circumstances.
Of course I think you should try to exhaust ALL other avenues. Here all the comments you are getting are helpful in providing practical ideas as to what to explore. But when it comes to your heart and mind, do what you feel you need to do.
I’ll share something because it’s true. Since I decided to basically live my life behind to care for my mom, most things -from a practical perspective- have turned somewhat positive, almost like God moving the pieces, truly. So I do believe when you do something selfless, He helps you even more!
Of course don’t put yourself in a difficult situation unless it’s absolutely necessary , and even then, be very careful and be a responsible good planner, but at the end it all depends on what you want to do.
God bless!
loss of money being put into Social Security/Medicare..... loss of other benefits such as matching 401(k).... profit sharing.... workman's comp insurance.... company sponsored life insurance.... vacation pay, sick pay.... tuition assistance, etc. [source: in part Reuters 5/30/12]
And for me the sanity of being around other people.
FWIW, if you terminate service after your 55th birthday, you should not have a penalty on taking out your 401(k). You will have 20% withholding on any amount you do not roll over.
Still, there has to be some other solution other than placing yourself in such financial jeopardy. Or maybe you are thinking that your mother will not live long and you will be able to reenter the workforce and recoup your savings then? I hope that works for you - nurses are probably more in demand than other professions for people returning to work at older ages. Good luck!!