Dad left his home last December 25th. I was helping him get dressed when he complained about his head hurting. Turned out he had fallen the day before in the shower, twice, hit his head, and we didn't know! I felt the back of his head and there was a large bump. We took him immediately to the ER. They admitted him and then we felt it best that he go to a care facility. There were limited available beds (he had to go on Medicaid), but they were able to take him at the SN facility where my mom was. He will be transferring now to the AL, where my mom transferred to about a month ago.
It was so hard as he didn't even get Christmas dinner that day. Then he thought he was in rehab care these past 7 months. Now he is better at understanding his house is not safe for him or my mom. But he still wants to come "home" to go through things and to "do some projects". We took care of him full time in his house for 6 months and he never even started one of these "projects"
He is doing much better than he was at his house. I try diverting the conversation (he has Lewy Body Dementia), but it keeps coming up. On top of that, his 15-year-old kitty died a month ago from cancer (we did everything we could with vet care, to make her comfortable and I held her when she passed), and we have not told him or my mom. Their providers think this is best as it would be too much emotionally right now for either of them.
I just don't know how to keep answering him as he wants to come home.
Sorry for the lengthy post.
There is a sometimes poster on here who would take his dad home and even on fishing trips when he first went to an ALF. He has since moved to memory care and had suffered a fall and broken hip. His father has vascular dementia. His name is Linkabit if you want to do a search for his thread. He made it work for him for a good while but I think that is the exception to the rule.
I would want to take him home if it were me but I think each person has to evaluate their own circumstances.
The death of their cat makes it more difficult to take him home as well. Not sure how you would get around that. It’s a tough situation.
My MIL is physically and cognitively able to go there whenever she likes. She has no dementia. She does mourn the change, but accepts it. Still, we do have to watch to make sure she doesn't overdo, so the heavy work is done while neither parent-in-law is there.
MY FIL definitely has dementia. He LOVES to overstretch his limits, and to attempt to smuggle items like, oh, chainsaws(!) back to Independent Living. (Every time we think we got all of the dangerous stuff off the premises, there's one more item lurking in a corner.)
Hence, we are now taking MIL for light visits only, and keeping FIL out of the picture.
My husband is also slightly disabled. So, we who are not disabled, and can still plan and can drive, try to work our schedules so we can work unhindered while granting the less-able their dignity.
Sad times. I'd never pictured this, but that's where we are.