Mom has been to ER more times than I can remember in 2 years or so. I never waited during covid with her in er waitinfg room so as to minimize risk. Then we just sort of kept going like that/ she will decide she needs an er dr visit and it usually is 100% correct thing to do, but now she sends me to the er first to see if it's crowded, not wait in the car send me in, nut wait at the house and send me across town, then report back to her my impression of wait time, then will decide to go or not. So i treat it pretty casually and deposit her in the lobby, wait for triage or intake or whatever it's called, usually within 5 minutes, then I go to the car and listen to my phone etc. She is in there waiting alone. This time it is low sodium and they're admitting her overnight... please, will you give me your opinion of this set up? I feel like I'm being hard but the coughing/etc that happens in that er waiting room is awful I dont want to be in it. Poor Mom
I am surprised your Mom's health insurance would cover all these ER visits, as the cost is very expensive compared to urgent care.
For important but not critical time dependant care I have called ahead to ask. This helps with planning.
I have done different things at different times. Sat in ER for hours. Dropped off. Arranged EMS & ambulance & met there. Let the ambulance go ahead & go home, eat dinner, relax, turn up later. Not turned up until next day.
I don't think there is a 'right' way. It differs. Per family, per visit.
You had a valid reason NOT to wait in the ER during the worst of the pandemic.
I think now you are fighting two thoughts;
1. I SHOULD wait with Mom.
2. I should NOT wait in a crowded ER to reduce risk of illness to myself.
Both valid thoughts.
Re 1. Does Mom actually NEED you there? (For communucation support, talking to staff? Help get to the toilet? Push her in a wheelchair? Emotional support).
Re 2. Are there other ways to reduce your risk? Eg wear a face mask.
If you don't Want to wait & don't Need to wait, find a new *reason* instead of *pandemic* to tell yourself. (In fact the same reason is still valid enough! Covid & Flu (RSV) are stull running wild where I live).
If mom is alright alone in the waiting room.
If these factors are in place then you are actually safer waiting in the car.
You are less likely to pick up any "bug" that happens to be present.
You free up waiting room space.
One thought though.
If the trips to the ER are valid trips
(And the above factors cognizant and alright alone are there)
Would it not be faster and easier to call 911 and have them take her to the ER and you can come when she is ready to go home. She would get more immediate care being brought in rather than a walk in.
One thing faster though...
Many Pharmacies and medical sites have "Walk In Clinics" or "Immediate Care" where you can get even faster care in a much less crowded space. And I don't know about her insurance but with mine ANY visit to the ER that does not result in admission costs me WAY more for the co-pay than a visit to one of the "walk in clinic or immediate care" locations.
But - you're running around in circles at her behest. It must be exhausting.
My mother had the ER habit. She wanted to go at all times, day and night, and someone was expected to dance attendance around this. Sometimes it was a legitimate problem and sometimes it wasn't. One time we were there all day, and as I was driving her home, she said, "That young doctor was very nice but he didn't even touch me." There was nothing wrong with her! She just wanted attention.
If you can find an express care, great. If there isn't one nearby, check with her primary doctor's office and find out if some of these things could be handled on an emergency basis there. My PCP's practice is large and it's hard to get an appointment, but we've twice had emergencies (broken wrist and diverticulitis) where they fit us in to see a PA who evaluated, did X rays right there and prescribed with follow-up scheduled for later. I was surprised that they would do this, but I think they were willing because they didn't want us in an ER with sick people. It's worth asking.
My mom is deceased now. I was at my mother’s side when I took her to the ER. She didn’t hear very well. I wanted to be with her. This was before Covid.
It is exhausting going to the ER and you have to take care of yourself. So, I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to look at this situation.
Your mom isn’t complaining about it and is accepting of this routine, so she must understand how you feel.
Hospitals do not make it comfortable for family to stay. I had to because Mom had Dementia. If she hadn't, I would not have rushed there.
You do what works for u and Mom.
When someone is sick or injured, they aren't exactly able to think clearly.
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