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. I just got that "horrible " reality check that dad ( has good wife) independent is losing mobility, some impaired thinking. I am 59 the only child, living in america, most died. left are: ( dad's side nice but standoffish 1st 1/2 blood cousins +family business . they fly holiday in my country,, not once invited me in 25 yrs to come see them?68+70+72+81 yrs .. .( divorced MOm's side ( dead) cousins ( Barely know)/stepdad's family ( nice warm) ( met 2 times) .., I have 57age 1 NARC brother,+ live in 48GF aloof person met her 3 times,, Both parents aging in place, so no huge responsibility. Do I just fake the family vibe..cousins dinners or separate the visits, between mother side / and father side ..I am stressed even thinking about the flights ( 4 planes) two cities. should I extend 1 visit , or make the whole trip longer....take hotel in between...I am tired of feeling high anxiety, with my narc brother parading his ego...making awkward increase. Does anyone have good plan to offset my own neglected heart. I wish I had sister, or close ally...or even husband..so alone

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I think you do not have a specific question for us, so I will just welcome you to the forum and hope you find some helpful suggestions here, invite your questions, and tell you I wish you well. To me, what is very clear is that family that remains in the country in which your parents live, will for the most part be taking on the responsibility. That is simply a fact logistically. Hopefully you will be able to help them out monetarily when that is required, so they can get a bit of extra help on board.
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thank you. I will try to be more articulate
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AlvaDeer Nov 17, 2024
Please forgive me if I suggested you weren't articulate. That would be the farthest from my thinking.
I find you exceptionally articulate. Glad to have you here. And I absolutely identify with being the only child. When my parents were failing I had my big brother, the Hansel to my Gretel throughout life, and my rock.
But when my brother himself failed with Lewy's dementia five years ago I felt so alone. I can completely identify with you. I had not thought what it would be to be facing things all alone. Now at 82 and 84 respectively my partner and I know their one of us will exit on the other, or fail on the other. And the aloneness, though without an answer, is terrifying. Even when there is family, one cannot really find answers in that, and often only finds more confusion in suggestions.
Aging is just a crucible. For all involved.
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If you are not close to these people, I would not worry about seeing them. Maybe visit Dad if you can afford it.
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If you are experiencing such "high anxiety" already and you haven't even left for any visits yet, I would recommend just staying home, saving your money and hanging with your friends that don't cause you such angst.
And you can just call the family members that you choose to, when you want to get any kind of updates, while staying in the comfort of your home.
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