My father has been living in his AL MC facility for around three years now. I only recently took over the role as a primary advocate. My mother passed away earlier this year. So earlier last week I saw my dad flirting and kissing multiple female residents. I spoke with the staff and they told me that is how my dad has been and they don't get complaints so it is all good. Idk this does not sit right with me, should I try to address it. My father is young and old he is 68. I know my dad has always been a ladies man. He cheated on my mom a few times so this behavior is not exactly out of pocket for him. The staff seem to be aware and okay with it. So I guess it is okay no?
There is no way that she could give consent.
I would be quite upset if she were assaulted this way.
No consent = Assault
The MC MUST redirect him.
I would send a note to inform his doctor that he should be tested for STD's the next time he is in for any reason. (easy to send a note if you have access to his medical Portal)
I see no need to bring up the conversation with your dad.
If there are complaints though be prepared to have this conversation. There are some family members of other residents that might not look on this so calmly.
I don't see a problem here.
I think your father has had enough losses for a lifetime if at the young age of 68 he is already in care. I would let him be unless there is a problem. Your mom is gone and cannot be hurt by this behavior now.
It is, you should understand, exceptionally common, and somewhat a comfort to my mind that special loving friendships and flirtations consider in care forever in many circumstances. Often visiting husbands of wives have to accept the new love as the one the person with dementia believes is their spouse. It takes courage, but the person is no longer the person they were known to be throughout a lifetime. As Oliver Sacks says "They have a whole entire world; it just isn't YOUR world".
This is all just my opinion and you may see it differently, but I am not certain you can DO much about that, after all?
I am caring for my father, living in assisted living with alzheimer's / dementia.
Combine that with her saying he's living in "AL MC" a couple times and I think it's clear dad's in Memory Care Assisted Living. Until she clears it up, I'm going with that.
What do you mean "relationships" OP? Dad is having sexual relations with other residents in Memory Care in their rooms? If that's the case, consent cannot be given when dementia is at play. I am surprised the admin is ok with this, frankly. I feel like this WILL come back to bite you one day. One of these women will tell their loved ones she has a boyfriend or a lover and all hell will break loose.
I would not have been happy had I found out such a thing when my mother lived in Memory Care Assisted Living. Then again, she was loud and vocal and would have screamed bloody murder had a man even entered her personal air space, let alone anything else.
The other way to look at it is two adults enjoying themselves. But w/o the ability to give consent, THAT is where the potential problem lies. Your father would be better off keeping his pants zipped up, and would've been his whole life, huh?
I don't exactly like it, but on the same token what exactly can I
do? Not like talking to him will help. He does not even recognize me.
I feel like you’re being warned here, and all it would take was for a family to complain, and they might ask your Dad to leave on short notice.
I’d figure out a way to make this stop, if I were his Dad.
Again, no consent? Assault.
I don't want him to be removed from his placement. My mother went through a lot to find him his current placement.
It doesn’t matter if people are “having fun” , “enjoying closeness”or however we want to categorize what is going on.
No consent? Assault.