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My dad has been hospice for 8 months now with colon cancer. He has swelling and fluid in his chest. Right now he keeps having days where he declines and gets really bad and his hospice team think he will pass but then he bounces back and gets better. He keeps doing this over and over. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster that never ends. I'm so exausted of being his only caretaker and constantly having these ups and downs with no end in sight.

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Just Go with the Flow .
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Reply to KNance72
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lealonnie1 Dec 8, 2024
And this is helpful how? Being dismissive of a caregivers feelings is flat out wrong.
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((((((hugs)))) I am so sorry. Please take breaks and have some respite for yourself. Focus on your own needs as you can. It's important that you look after yourself too. This is so stressful. You can't do anything about what is happening to your dad. But you can do something good for you today.
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Reply to golden23
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Cal, I'm sure this is very difficult, you must feel like you are hanging by a thread. These things do happen, I don't think anyone knows why , and why some peoples bodies give up quickly. My mil was told she had 3 months to live, and she went into a coma a few hours later, was gone a few days after.

This will sooner or later change and your dad will be gone, and at peace, and you and your family will be at peace.
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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My late husband was under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life and was completely bedridden, and he too would have times when he would seem to decline, and the hospice nurse would say that perhaps he was dying, yet he continued bouncing back.
Even when it was obvious that my husband was nearing death and his nurse told me that he would be dead in 3 days, it wasn't until 41 days later that he actually did die.
It is exactly like being a roller-coaster, and it is exhausting, so I hope that you're able to get away occasionally to do you, as you matter in this equation too you know.
And not to scare you, but once you get off this roller-coaster, you'll be getting on another one called grief/grieving.
Stay strong and know that God's got you and that you're going to come out of this a much more compassionate, empathetic and understanding person when it's all said and done.

And on a side note....I hope that hospice has your dad on some Lasix for his swelling and fluid in his chest. My late husband too retained a lot of fluid in his chest and he was on Lasix for many months while under hospice care.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I hope your taking advantagevof the respite that Hospiceboffers.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Hire a caregiver, with dad's funds, to give you respite a few days a week. Then leave the house and go shopping, have lunch with friends, see a movie, anything, to rejuvenate yourself before YOU get sick from stress and anxiety, ok?

The human body is a very strong machine that fights hard not to die. So rebounds are common with hospice.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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My dad’s hospice agency maintained a list of private caregivers, not employees of theirs, but people they’d worked with and knew to be good. I hired a few of them to give me a break when the around the clock caregiving became so very hard. They were excellent and invaluable. I’d highly encourage you to do this as well. Maintaining your own wellbeing during the unpredictable roller coaster is vital for you to continue to be good for your dad. This is an emotional and physical hard road, I recall all too well, help is crucial for you to continue. Wishing you and dad both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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This is a really difficult time. I ended up hiring a night nurse the last few nights my brother was alive because my nerves were so frayed and I had to keep him from trying to get out of bed randomly overnight. He also lasted longer than expected. Not dramatically, but he was “actively dying” for days when it is usually hours. He was not at peace or accepting what was happening to him and I think he just fought it with every ounce. Could your dad be hanging on / fighting the process due to worry or unfinished business?
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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