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I so wish you had said in your question what you said in your response. You may have gotten more helpful answers like peaceforall. It maybe worth all the trouble to take him if it means giving you a break. You being able to enjoy family and having Christmas with them. It all depends on what you are willing to do. If its no problem for you, then do it.
I just saw your answer saying you do not think it will work. Don't give up yet. It sounds like you may get somewhat of a break going to be with your kids and grandkids and that would be good for you and for him too of course. My Mom is incontient both ways and with diarrhea often. I still take her places and we just do the best we can. Every time we walk out the door I take the following in a prepacked bag: depends, pads, paper towels, wash cloths, soap (baggies to put the used wash clothes and soap in), wipes, small trash bags for the used depends and pads and triple bag them to try to contain the odors), a nice room spray usually lavender and extra clothes (top and bottom). My Mom is 90 and mostly uses a walker, sometimes a wheelchair. She has advanced dementia and needs guidance with the walker. I disagree with people who are saying as soon as someone is incontinent they go to a nursing home. But if you do not have love for your husband because of how he treated you I doubt I would go through all of that for someone like that. You have your own reasons for whatever you do and no one can tell you what to do, just what they think they would do. If this is something you really want to do, do you think maybe one of your kids would be willing to come to you and help the two of you get there? It seems like driving would be easier than flying. I hope you can work out something that works for you. Good luck to you and big hugs.
Justperforming: You're going to require multiple stops in order for this gentleman to ride along on these short and long trips. Perhaps this challenge would be much more difficult than you perceive.
SueGood 1 min ago Edit Sorry for the lack of editing before. I am not exactly sure how the tea works, but boy does it. And all natural. It is a loose leaf tea with a variety of flowers herbs and fruit including cranberries. It somehow balances one's system. No more smell, no big leakage. My Mom would flood her bed each night. We changed the whole bed daily. And not to disrespect my Mom, but most people could not tolerate the smell. After the tea, no more smell and most nights were dry.
Lastly, I did take my Mom traveling when she had incontinence. It took a village, planning, but doable. And worth it.
If traveling is an option, your husband should not travel, either long or short. If traveling is necessary, a nurse or certified caregiver should escort him to help him.
Shop an online or local medical supply company, possibly a larger store like CVS, and purchase external male 'catheters'. They are a slip-on that can be placed - either DIY or with assistance - and can be used with a leg bag or placed in a collection container. Suggest the addition of adult pullups too, just to be safe.
I would assume this question was asked because of Thanksgiving. Just, did u need the info because you felt you wanted to take husband to a family gathering or because you needed confirmation that taking DH out of ur home would be an impossible task?
Sadly, you need to be practical here, I would not advise taking him anywhere if he’s in continent. Hire someone to be with him while you go out or place him in a facility. That time is coming no matter what.
such an easy question I am a pilot and often at 7000ft nature calls and In a small plane there are no bathrooms. They make urinary devices that slip over the penis and can catch the urine. they make a female version too.
1. Try to avoid taking the incontinent male on short or long trips. You do not mention what illness is causing the incontinence. For the incontinent person ( male or female) it may be best to help them maintain their dignity and self respect by arranging for them to be cared for at home and, not travel. This may sound insensitive to their need to be " included" and, I assure you that it is not. Perhaps find very very short outings say to park or a one stop store/ place, doctor or other visit if you feel they must be taken out. Of course the depends will need to be used and if male pt. someone male will need to be with you to go into make restroom to help change as needed( that is if the pt is ambulatory).
The more dignity and self respect can be maintained with minimal to no travel unless you hire a male caregiver or have make relative to assist and IF patient is able to be cooperative and compliant.
There is nowhere your bed bound(?) husband needs to travel. If you are his only care taker, then you don't ttavel, either. Are you asking this in reference to upcoming holidays? You do not need to go.
Bell's Lifestyle bladder tea for men. Guaranteed. Or your mobey back. Store told me never a retyrn. Only 1 mug a day works. May take 2 weeks to build up but then magic. If you drink more than 1 mug a day, may work faster. My Mom suffered the worst incontinence our caregivers had seen. After 2 weeks, pure magic, praise God.
You don’t. Embarrassing for you and the husband (if he’s cognitively aware he’s doing it). Consider other people… most people would be sympathetic and not blame you or him. But even if they understand why, they don’t deserve to have dinner, a trip to the mall, etc ruined by pee and poop smells. I don’t have a weak stomach, but if I have to smell poop when I’m trying to eat? No way, I’d retch!
You could smell it if you have to use the public restroom. Retch over the smell. I've been in the restroom where a guy comes out of the stall after pooping and heads out the door without washing his hands. Talk about retch.
Don't. He doesn't need to be out anywhere! Other people don't want to smell, touch or be contaminated with feces; that's a health hazard for you and other people. Years ago I drove on a two-day one-way trip and two-days back with a male who was sometimes urinary incontinent. He insisted on peeing in a bottle while sitting in the front seat next to me. Sometimes I'd empty the bottle at a rest stop but other times it would be full and he'd open the car window and empty it out as we were driving on the interstate. He could not be reasoned with and he wouldn't wear Depends. Never again. As a caregiver, let me tell you: there's a time to give up. This is that time for you.
If getting to a toilet quicker is the issue, some prepping & planning may help. - Knowing the route, where the public toilets are (disabled facilities if you need extra space to help) - Bringing a urinal bottle to use instead. - Easy trousers, no fiddly belts - eg elastic waisted.
If past that stage & incontinent then *aim to contain*. This is what the Continence Clinic RN advised; - If mobility good, take a change bag: wipes, rubbish bags, spares (pull-ups/pads/clothing). Cleanup & change as required in public disabled bathrooms. - If mobility poor, have to return home for cleanup. Consider falls risk + injury to caregiver. Take a supply bag: wipes, jumper, blanket. Jumper to tie around waist (for walkers) & blanket to throw over lap (in wheelchair) to hide the mishap. Then exit. - Talk to Doctor about suitability of longer term solutions eg catheters & leg bags. - Consider getting as many appointments as possible via telehealth/phone. Obviously many have to be in person eg podiatrists, wound checks. Try for services that can visit. - Consider having an Aide accompany when out.
For me, double incontinence was my limit. After some car seat puddles I insisted pullups be used & I placed protection pad on seat. I stopped providing transport after the first double incontinence in public.
Thank you for your reply. I am ashamed of so many people saying don't take them or put them in a facility. We travel to outpatient therapies and make short trips, changing him in public bathrooms. He is double incontinent, right side paralysis but can stay standing with support and supporting self on wheelchair back. So I change him standing up and throw diaper in plastic grocery bag. It takes planning and bringing along supplies and clothes change. If a diarrhea day, we alter plans. Thanks again. Stroke stricken individuals need to be seen and need to go see.
In August, you posted, "Husband is mostly bed bound. Taking care of incontinence and stroke issues. Getting dependable care has not worked. I hate having to care for him after many years of not being cared for or provided for by him."
How do you plan to take any types of trips with a husband in such a condition, I guess I don't understand? If there is an urgent need to travel, I'd hire a nurse to travel with you and to take care of him along the way, or hire medical transportation for him. Otherwise, you'd have way too much to deal with, trying to care for a mostly bed bound man with double incontinence issues, and such trips would become hellish for you, I would think. If you're on a plane, 2 people can't fit into the lavatory on board, so changing a brief would be impossible. If he were to have a BM on a plane, he'd have to sit in it for the length of the trip, and everyone on board would have to bear the odor emanating from his soiled brief. Not a great idea, unless you hire a nurse to deal with all of it.
If you're traveling in a car, you'd need to find a restroom to accompany him into. But again, if he has such mobility issues, it doesn't make sense to me how you'd be able to manage him alone w/o help of some kind. Nor why you'd want to take any trips at all with a doubly incontinent elder, unless there was an urgent need to do so. Then I'd look into hiring medical transportation or a nurse to go along with you.
Wait until its your turn dearie. I had a stroke after years of marriage and found out that vows go out the window. No for better or worse stuff. I am being punished for having a stroke, My wife, now an ex, left me alone day after day, I had to fix my own breakfast. Incontince was minor compared to most, but still she complained about "cleaning up your sh**". Praise god my a*s.
In August, you posted, "Husband is mostly bed bound. Taking care of incontinence and stroke issues. Getting dependable care has not worked. I hate having to care for him after many years of not being cared for or provided for by him."
How do you plan to take any types of trips with a husband in such a condition, I guess I don't understand? If there is an urgent need to travel, I'd hire a nurse to travel with you and to take care of him along the way, or hire medical transportation for him. Otherwise, you'd have way too much to deal with, trying to care for a mostly bed bound man with double incontinence issues, and such trips would become hellish for you, I would think. If you're on a plane, 2 people can't fit into the lavatory on board, so changing a brief would be impossible. If he were to have a BM on a plane, he'd have to sit in it for the length of the trip, and everyone on board would have to bear the odor emanating from his soiled brief. Not a great idea, unless you hire a nurse to deal with all of it.
If you're traveling in a car, you'd need to find a restroom to accompany him into. But again, if he has such mobility issues, it doesn't make sense to me how you'd be able to manage him alone w/o help of some kind. Nor why you'd want to take any trips at all with a doubly incontinent elder, unless there was an urgent need to do so. Then I'd look into hiring medical transportation or a nurse to go along with you.
Wanting to travel a 12 hr trip to our kids and grandkids. Would require an overnight stay. Plan is to stay there for 2 - 3 months. Family would help with care while there. I was needing advice on how, if possible, to handle travel with him. I don't think it will work. Thank you for your advice.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
SueGood
1 min ago
Edit
Sorry for the lack of editing before. I am not exactly sure how the tea works, but boy does it. And all natural. It is a loose leaf tea with a variety of flowers herbs and fruit including cranberries. It somehow balances one's system. No more smell, no big leakage. My Mom would flood her bed each night. We changed the whole bed daily. And not to disrespect my Mom, but most people could not tolerate the smell. After the tea, no more smell and most nights were dry.
Lastly, I did take my Mom traveling when she had incontinence. It took a village, planning, but doable. And worth it.
So, what did u finally do.
they make a female version too.
Of course the depends will need to be used and if male pt. someone male will need to be with you to go into make restroom to help change as needed( that is if the pt is ambulatory).
The more dignity and self respect can be maintained with minimal to no travel unless you hire a male caregiver or have make relative to assist and IF patient is able to be cooperative and compliant.
Practice good self care.....you are impt too...
Are you asking this in reference to upcoming holidays? You do not need to go.
There comes a time when traveling for pleasure is done.
If it's necessary travel, then take the suggestions below about hiring nurses and medical transportation.
- Knowing the route, where the public toilets are (disabled facilities if you need extra space to help)
- Bringing a urinal bottle to use instead.
- Easy trousers, no fiddly belts - eg elastic waisted.
If past that stage & incontinent then *aim to contain*. This is what the Continence Clinic RN advised;
- If mobility good, take a change bag: wipes, rubbish bags, spares (pull-ups/pads/clothing). Cleanup & change as required in public disabled bathrooms.
- If mobility poor, have to return home for cleanup. Consider falls risk + injury to caregiver. Take a supply bag: wipes, jumper, blanket. Jumper to tie around waist (for walkers) & blanket to throw over lap (in wheelchair) to hide the mishap. Then exit.
- Talk to Doctor about suitability of longer term solutions eg catheters & leg bags.
- Consider getting as many appointments as possible via telehealth/phone. Obviously many have to be in person eg podiatrists, wound checks. Try for services that can visit.
- Consider having an Aide accompany when out.
For me, double incontinence was my limit. After some car seat puddles I insisted pullups be used & I placed protection pad on seat. I stopped providing transport after the first double incontinence in public.
We travel to outpatient therapies and make short trips, changing him in public bathrooms. He is double incontinent, right side paralysis but can stay standing with support and supporting self on wheelchair back. So I change him standing up and throw diaper in plastic grocery bag.
It takes planning and bringing along supplies and clothes change. If a diarrhea day, we alter plans.
Thanks again. Stroke stricken individuals need to be seen and need to go see.
I hate having to care for him after many years of not being cared for or provided for by him."
How do you plan to take any types of trips with a husband in such a condition, I guess I don't understand? If there is an urgent need to travel, I'd hire a nurse to travel with you and to take care of him along the way, or hire medical transportation for him. Otherwise, you'd have way too much to deal with, trying to care for a mostly bed bound man with double incontinence issues, and such trips would become hellish for you, I would think. If you're on a plane, 2 people can't fit into the lavatory on board, so changing a brief would be impossible. If he were to have a BM on a plane, he'd have to sit in it for the length of the trip, and everyone on board would have to bear the odor emanating from his soiled brief. Not a great idea, unless you hire a nurse to deal with all of it.
If you're traveling in a car, you'd need to find a restroom to accompany him into. But again, if he has such mobility issues, it doesn't make sense to me how you'd be able to manage him alone w/o help of some kind. Nor why you'd want to take any trips at all with a doubly incontinent elder, unless there was an urgent need to do so. Then I'd look into hiring medical transportation or a nurse to go along with you.
Good luck.
My wife, now an ex, left me alone day after day, I had to fix my own breakfast. Incontince was minor compared to most, but still she complained about "cleaning up your sh**".
Praise god my a*s.
I hate having to care for him after many years of not being cared for or provided for by him."
How do you plan to take any types of trips with a husband in such a condition, I guess I don't understand? If there is an urgent need to travel, I'd hire a nurse to travel with you and to take care of him along the way, or hire medical transportation for him. Otherwise, you'd have way too much to deal with, trying to care for a mostly bed bound man with double incontinence issues, and such trips would become hellish for you, I would think. If you're on a plane, 2 people can't fit into the lavatory on board, so changing a brief would be impossible. If he were to have a BM on a plane, he'd have to sit in it for the length of the trip, and everyone on board would have to bear the odor emanating from his soiled brief. Not a great idea, unless you hire a nurse to deal with all of it.
If you're traveling in a car, you'd need to find a restroom to accompany him into. But again, if he has such mobility issues, it doesn't make sense to me how you'd be able to manage him alone w/o help of some kind. Nor why you'd want to take any trips at all with a doubly incontinent elder, unless there was an urgent need to do so. Then I'd look into hiring medical transportation or a nurse to go along with you.
Good luck.
I was needing advice on how, if possible, to handle travel with him. I don't think it will work.
Thank you for your advice.