I have a lot of questions about my wife's conduct and if it is related to dementia or is a mental disorder.

Has your wife been examined / assessed by a professional / a physician?
I would think this would be the first course of action once these behaviors started.
She may need to be medicated.

Also, while it would be 'good' to identify what is going on with her brain, in some ways personal to you, your behavior will need to adapt / change accordingly regardless of the diagnosis, i.e., if she's calling you 50+ times a day, regardless of the reasons she is doing that, you will need to change your response / automatic behavior.

Do you have a therapist or professional you can go to for support?
This would be important for you right now. So many families / spouses are forced into this unknown territory and have no language, skills, or knowledge to handle it. It isn't YOUR or anyone's fault. People are not equipped nor trained to handle or interact with these health issues - and when they happen, family is in a state of shock not knowing what to do. This is a good site to turn to. In addition, do google TEEPA SNOW and watch some of her webinars. She is the country's expert on the many different conditions of dementia.

Take care of yourself. This is critically important: eat healthy, meditate, exercise - do what you need to do to keep yourself together.

Aggieflyer65, My Luz was DX with FTD and PPA (primary progressive aphasia)
Time meant nothing to her. Getting her dressed was a chore for both of us. Simple things became the wrong thing. She would try to consume her drinks with a fork until I would give her a spoon. She used a fork or spoon to push food onto a knife and eat from the knife. She would try to pour a cup of coffee but had difficulty realizing the cup was full, leaving at least two cups of coffee poured onto the counter. the last time she tried she forgot the cup. She developed a cough and would spit any where or place. I carried a towel to clean up the messes.
She still liked things orderly and would stop me in stores to straighten up shelves. Or she would pull stuff off of the shelf to put into our cart that she had no need for. Most cashiers understood something was wrong and would to me for an answer. She still loved people and would stop to help anyone in need.
Her aphasia was so bed she quit talking and just made a one of two noises. One for help with something and one for her confusion with a task. She could still talk but did not or it might take her five minutes to answer with one word. If sshe knew the word. She started to eat less and lost about 30 pounds. It seemed like chewing was too much work.
I mentioned my concerns to our primary and he took it as simple age related until he ask her some questions and she just laughed. His tests resulted in us being sent to the Cleveland Clinic for simple clock test and a CT scam. Her frontal lobe had shrunk almost a quarter of an inch. She lived less than three years from the date of DX until her passing.
It was a difficult life for me but I loved every minute I was with her. I did find a good source for hiring a companion to allow me to get out for a few hours to do some shopping because life still went on and we needed things.
I think each of us could write a book on the life we have had or are having with a LO and no two books would be the same.
If our lies were taught in college it could result in a new degree program up to the Doctorate level.
You are doing a miraculous job. I wish you the very best and to listen to the advice given here. Return often and and share your life with us.
God Bless you.

Dementia effects people in different ways, Things that are common are short term memory loss. So asking the same question over and over is typical. Depending where it is in the brain , Dementia is known for reversing personalities. This does not happen to everyone, Someone who was normally patient became very impatient. If the person was always on time, became disoriented when it came to time. Her behavior seems to be part of the diseases normal destructive path.
I would suggest that you educate yourself on this disease and consult your Doctor. For now live in her world and remember that she must be so scared and confused. It has to be extremely frightening to be lost in your own mind.

Neurologist consultation will result in an MRI and/or CT scan which will answer if something is physically happening inside her brain
Has her mind always worked this way??Dementia is a generalized descriptive about declining brain functioning.

Get her to a neuro to assess STAT, if her behaviors are new.

I highly recommend you re-view Teepa's website. She is one of, if not, the country's expert on dementia. I've been studying her webinars for over two years. There are many offerings (webinars, DVDs, workbooks, trainings) to learn about dementia. In addition, you could call them; the staff is very supportive and kind. I can't tell you how much I learn each time I view her webinars or read her monthly journal. She addresses absolutely everything one could encounter interacting with a person who has dementia. https://teepasnow.com/

This is very typical with the brain disease of Alzheimer's. Her brain functionality is totally broken and it will not get better. The fear of being alone is a part of the disease. How is she able to dial the caregiver's phone number? "She won't stay home" begs the question as to whether or not she is wandering? If so, that should be amended. Many patients start to wander and are found (or not) lost.

With my experience I would say she wants to do things now because she knows she will forget to do them later. She still has some sense of time. Shes compensating. Its classic dementia.
The first sign we saw with my Mom having to repeat things for her over and over. It takes patience for sure. Then some of her fears or suspicions surfaced about fidelity and the fear she was going to loose the house she lived in for most of her life. We were constantly trying to reassure her only to have her bring it all up again.
You need some more help buddy. If you have brothers, sisters, nephews, children they need to come to an understanding about where shes at and where you are. You need to get ahead of this and determine with a close friend or a brother, pastor where your breaking point is when you need to protect yourself. This can have a huge effect on your health and social life.
There will be a time where she stops being so demanding about time etc. She may end up deferring everything to you. This happens later. In my opinion heart medications and many other drugs serve to keep the body alive and have nothing to offer for the mind as it deteriorates. We stopped the heart meds etc.
Again reach out and expand the resources you have around you for help. Goodluck friend.

My experience only: Mom, Grandmother and Great Grandmother all had the same issues. All experienced strokes that did not affect their speech or body, but affected brain functions. It was not clear-cut, one minute they were one way, the next they were worse. All of them were able to pass many neuro tests...at first. But as things progressed, they all eventually needed memory care. Since none of them had an autopsy, it is unknown what kind of dementia, if any, played a part. Dementia is an individual disease. All my relatives mentioned were hugely narcissistic, neglectful of their children, trapped in a small town, and highly intelligent, quick thinkers, and were persecuted, stuck in early marriages to abusive men, murderers, alcoholics, etc. So, I think in my case, genetics, the environment, the times, their (lack of) choices, contributed to their having such similar symptoms. Calling 20-40 times a day. An almost coy, childlike disregard for courtesies is very much like a toddler demanding needs to be met. I always thought that once the rough edges of their personalities were sanded down, from the strokes, what was left was their childhood developmental neglect = pre-empathy behaviors, needing constant validation, impulsive, short attention span, no idea of time, how to tell it, what day it is, an almost willful glee in refusing to learn something as simple as the year "what do i care, if i need to know the year, i can ask someone" was/is the reply...I noticed these problems in my mother years and years ago, but she was so paranoid and suspicious that we were trying to "put her away" or "have her declared" and she was so incredibly secretive with money issues, her health status, by the time she was dragged out of her home, she had lost 50 lbs to a dangerous weight of 130 (most of it was skin) (after weighing 250+ her entire life, then bariatric surgery, down to 180), she had malnutrition, dehydration, a quart of pee in her bladder, and the bathroom was covered in feces, she had not showered in a month. The good news: now she is in NH. She eats three meals a day, tears around in her wheelchair, had made friends, learned some hard lessons about negative people using her, she works out at their gym (!!!), her pills are handed to her, she sleeps, they come to get her when it is time for events. The insane calling and repeating has been controlled with some medications, but mostly by the fact that she is no longer "bored". Now there is something to do and people to talk to, all the time. Very intelligent 78 yr old mother needs stimulation, but in a controlled setting...and on top of everything else, she is schizo/phrenic-affective, with both auditory and visual hallucinations. Meds have fixed her up. NH setting has fixed her up. POA is a POS and her elder lawyer is a lying jerk, but mom is safe, secure, and we can have a relationship now that is not based on me worrying myself to death and the phone ringing 40 times a day. I wish the best for you. This forum is very helpful. But the symptoms you describe are to my mind, less important to definitively diagnose than to treat them. You can see my mom isand has been diagnosed (40 years) mentally ill, prob has dementia, there are both genetic and environmental components, she has had three strokes, and had various physical issues to fix, she is indigent, on Medicaid, with a crap family, crap POA and crap lawyer...and she is doing great. Oftentimes the treatment working or not allows the diagnosis to occur. (Like "there is something wrong with me, blue, tired, sleeping"...Doc gives you Prozac and it helps, so there you are...you were "Depressed".) So IMHO work on relieving the symptoms, that is my best advice, and dont lose hope; I would never have believed my mother could possibly have recovered so well from her life, parents, experiences and medical issues to be as happy and sane as she is now.

aggieflyer65;

Several people suggest testing, but your profile indicates Alz/dementia and anxiety, so clearly she has been Dxed to some degree. IF this is totally new behavior, then getting an assessment would be a good idea. It is never (almost never) a bad idea anyway, as conditions like UTIs, under and over-hydration and other medical conditions can exacerbate what she is experiencing.

As one person said, if you've seen one person with dementia, you've seen one person. While there are certainly common behaviors for each type of dementia, not everyone experiences them and/or experiences them at the same time/rate. Different types also have different behaviors/time lines. Again, if this has been a progression of behavioral changes, it is likely just what she is experiencing, however other forms of dementia CAN be present as well.

Most of what you describe IS common to dementia:

 Asking the same question over and over
 Repeating the same statements over and over
 Calling you multiple times a day.
 Don't want to be alone problem. 
 Attention span of a gnat
 Cannot tell time or day

Unfortunately the repetitive questions/statements will happen, but we have to learn to redirect/refocus, if possible, onto something else. This short-term memory issue was one of the early signs in our mother and I realized I needed to learn a LOT about dementia! If you can't redirect her, then patience is needed so that you can reply over and over! It gets tedious, but it works (over and over!)

The not wanting to be alone and calling you are probably related. Although we never really had a Dx on dad, he was becoming more "reclusive", BUT didn't want to stay home alone if mom was going out or to run errands. She also started becoming reclusive, self-isolating in a way, finding excuses not to join the neighbors/friends at the senior center, canceling appointments, etc. She had not reached the point of going out/getting lost before we moved her. We planned to bring in aides (started with sanity/med check, one hour minimum, planned to increase as needed, but she refused to let them in - in her mind she was FINE!)

Knowing time and day (or even year!) is also a dementia "feature." It doesn't generally cause an issue for those with dementia, but since she needs to call you and/or the aide when she awakens/is alone, is there any way you can remove the phone (rely on cell only with caregiver) or put it in a location that she cannot get to it? She shouldn't be alone at all (especially if she will not stay "home"), so your schedule and the care-giver should overlap. Others suggested adult day care - is that an option for when you are working?

The last suggestion is perhaps asking her doctor about anti-anxiety meds. A definitive Dx would need to be done before resorting to this, as some types of dementias don't work well with some medications. Generally our mother is pretty quiet, sits reading paper, magazines, peruses the sale flyers and tears out coupons. However, when she got a UTI, she was out of control in the later afternoon/early evening and we had to get Lorazepam in addition to the antibiotics (until the UTI was cured, she still needed the Lorazepam or she'd be ranting she needed to get out, go home, had guests coming and would try all the doors, setting off the alarms.) We keep it on-hand, but as needed only and it is the lowest dose they make. If your wife checks out okay otherwise, she may need something every day. It is not enough to keep her doped up, just enough to take the "edge" off (you indicated she does have anxiety.) I am NOT a big med person, don't take anything myself, but this was an absolute necessity for mom!

I assume it’s all new behavior? Some of those , like the lack of ability to wait , “ now “ is the only time frame, can be lifelong ( ie common with ADHD, if it’s not now it’s never with ADHD ) but if it’s new I’d take her into a geriatric specialist or neurologist for evaluation.

It sounds like dementia, and fairly classic sounding, but if she has suffered from mental illness during her lifetime, none of that will make it any better or easier, and it can play into it. Wishing you the very best; know this has to be so very difficult.

This is a very common dementia problem.
I suggest for you to 1. Watch Teepa Snow on YouTube. She is an excellent speaker on dementia and working with dementia patients. I worship this woman and wish someone had told me about her from the beginning.
2. Read the book 36 hour day.
Dementia is not something you want to be surprised by. The symptoms can be hard to cope with. Time to read up.
Keep up your good work but make it a tad bit easier with a little research.
Now go watch Teepa.

Howdy! How the 'heck' are you? Losing the ability to keep track of time & zero attention span & no realization of the consequences of the same were some of the earliest signs DH had a problem. It took years to get anyone to believe me & get DH a thorough evaluation. He was very adept at show timing & being "with it" during dr. appts. You know something isn't right. Keep asking questions until you get the answers & treatment best for your wife. It is a hard journey. People on this site are here for you. Blessings & prayers!

To Saint aggie (and you are): as they say "When you've seen one case of dementia you've seen...one case of dementia." Everyone's cognitive loss affects him/her differently. And it is possible that your wife may have, along with her FTD dementia, some form of undiagnosed mental illness such as bipolar disorder, anxiety, BPD, etc. If so, the two may be exacerbating each other. And there seems to be little going on in how to deal with this particular dual diagnosis. You may already be doing all that can be done: caring for her to keep her comfortable and feeling secure and reassured. That leaves yourself to take care of. I hope you get at least a few hours a day to yourself when you can get away. Are family members available to relieve you? Friends, church groups? At some point the only option may be to move your wife to a LTC home. Consider what level of medical treatment she will have before the time comes. Has she ever discussed with you what she wants in terms of end-of-live care? If you have her PoA, great. If not, move to be appointed her guardian before there is an absolute need.

And yes, you are dealing with some of the same issues that a parent of a two-year old child with autism may have. Good luck.

My wife Christy, in 2006, began saying "huh" in the middle of my sentences. I would have to start over.
She began to mix up and make up words. Helicopter became hellimacopter. Motorcycle was motormasucker. She couldn't give her birthdate for ID.
She became a silent background, would not converse. Date, time, place, had no meaning. She was once a people lover. Then suddenly other people did not matter and she would be angry with someone for no reason. In 2010, she knew that she was broken and gave her aikido gear to the dojo, her radio equipment to the hot air balloonists, voluntarily stopped driving.

In 2011 she asked who our daughter was.

In 2013 she forgot who I am.

In 2015, she was diagnosed with a combination of Frontotemporal FTD variants.
https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/types-frontotemporal-disorders\

She is now an autistic 2 year old. Physically healthy and hyperactive.
Her brain does not interpret input and she can't comprehend language.
She is physically capable, but she has to be hand fed and hydrated.
If not redirected, she will bump into walls and fall over objects.
Her eyes work, but the brain does not interpret.
She is enraged at restraint, constraint, redirecting touch and loud voices.
I have cared for her since 2006, retired early from my career in 2013.
Christy requires 24/7 supervision.
There are no facilities capable and Alzheimer's medications not only do not work, but have adverse affect with FTD.

https://memory.ucsf.edu/treatments-stays/medications-dementia

Do not allow medications until FTD is ruled out. Christy was given Donepezil in 2014 before her diagnosis.
It further reduced her cognition and bent her over for no physical reason.
A legendary 2nd degree aikido blackbelt, she used to stand erect, aware and would glide as she walked. Now she is still stooped over.
There are no facilities that can care for her.
Family left careers and homes in other states to relocate nearby as caregivers.

From 2006 until 2014 even university doctors did not know.
It was just by chance that I was on the phone with a social worker who's husband had suffered and died with FTD.
The lady recognized Christy's whining and growling in the background and exclaimed,
"OMG! That is FTD! My husband died from that. She is miserable and afraid, you must get her help. My husband became violent and I could no longer care for him. He did not survive long in the facility,"

Once I had the term, FTD, the university doctors recognized it, but it was too late to stop the affects of the meds.

This journey has been long and intense, with more to come.
The artlcles on FTD have evolved over the years and I would assume that I am the most experienced as spouse and caregiver for 13 years.

Christy is prone to seizures as her brain is attempting to reconnect. There is no mediciation for FTD seizures, but we found something that stops the seizures, immediately.
The medicine also affords her several hours of quality life, for us also.
She can actually be a hoot, and we laugh much.

It has been 13 years and I can do this for another lifetime.

https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/what-is-dementia/types-of-dementia/frontotemporal-dementia

aggieflyer - your wife's behavior is almost identical to that of my mother. who has mid stage Alzheimer's.

My mother also can not wait. She always want to be going someplace, being on the move, doing something. It's not the destination that she wants because when she gets there, she wants to go else where, home for instance, and when she gets home, she wants to go somewhere. She wants to always be on the move.

My mom can not be alone. She's afraid of being alone because she knows she forgets and doesn't understand what is going on. We have to have someone with her 24/7. It makes having a life for the rest of the family very difficult. We hire sitters to take her out several times a week so we can have a break.

The asking repetitive questions again and again and again drives everyone nuts. Every few minutes she comes out and asks: "When are we going?" or "When is so and so coming?" again and again and again...until we take her out.

She wears a bracelet with her name, address and our phone numbers, so that in case she wanders off, someone can identify her and take her back. I haven't been able to find a tracking device that is disguised as a bracelet or small pendant for her to wear. However, someone is with her at all time.

I agree with other posters that your wife should be seen by a neurologist who can test her and give her a proper diagnosis.

Cannot wait doesn't necessarily mean any form of dementia. We are living in a time of immediate gratification. Fast foods, NetFlix - we are no longer accustomed to having to wait for anything. Even Alexa will turn on your lights for you.

People have lost sight of the fact that Senile Dementia was linked to malnutrition back in the 1970's - and with fast foods and everything being available as pre-made and packaged - we are filling ourselves with all manner of chemicals with no nutritional values at all.

Just going back to "square one" and getting proper nutrition helps immensely. My DH was almost 97 when he passed and he did very well until he contracted pneumonia in Nov 2017 and still had it in December until I used alternative medicine (colloidal silver) to cure it when the medications failed to do so. 2 months of pneumonia took his memory; Iodine therapy brought it back with days. But his body started shutting down and he passed May 2018. But he knew me the day he went into the death-coma and I was able to keep him at home right to the end.

You would be surprised how much good a Nutritional Shake is for the elderly. DH was drinking them and for a full year after he passed, Nutritional Shakes kept me alive and healthy when I lost the will to cook and eat.

DH drank Ensure Plus and for the year after he passed, I used Slim-Fast and then Premier High Protein Shakes with the blessings of my family physician. His only stipulation was that I not use any form of appetite suppressant.

Dear aggieflyer65..Yes, your summation is absolutely correct! One of many phases of ALZ..Short term memory loss, no concept of time of day, numerous phone calls, etc..

My Mom is moderate/severe dementia..Presents with the aforementioned..Now, tells me she eats bland casserole every day(not so!🙂), nurses don’t wake her for dinner, calls me 12+ times a day..

Easier said then done BUT, pls try to give yourself respite time..I learned the hard way, this will take a toll on your health, and compromise your patience level & strength for caregiving..Hugs & prayers to you & your wife.🤗🙏🏻

Ditto what many others have said...
My wife displays similar behavior.......and was diagnosed a year ago...
She can't tell time......She wanted a new watch...so I bought her one for our anniversary......She will ask me what time it is...I ask her to look at her watch......it is always "about 12".....
She can still use her phone and sometimes she will call me when I am in the same house....
She also does not want to be alone anymore...

All great answers. As usual.
Love this site ....
Can you respond, respectfully.

Good luck.
I take care of a woman who has dementia. Anything Goes!!! Everyone person acts differently.
& the family asking,about unusual behavior is the first to know..
God Bless

That is part of dementia, the loss of sense of time is a real indicator.

I suggest that the caregiver arrive before you leave.
She should not be left alone for even a short time.
With her diagnosis of Alzheimer's you never know when the "can't wait" will turn into "I am going to leave now" and she may begin to wander.
It sounds like she has a cell phone correct? If so you might want to make sure you have a way to track her with the phone so if she does wander at least you have some way to find her.
You are her "rock, her anchor" so when you are not there she has no concept of where you are, the time you have been gone or when you or someone else will come in and "keep her safe". Sort of like a boat adrift.
If the caregiver can not get there before you leave is there a neighbor that could come in for a cup of coffee and stay there for a "visit" until the caregiver arrives?
Or is it possible that you could change your start work time and get home a bit later?
Another option would be find Adult Day Care that would keep her occupied for the day, she would not be alone and she would get socialization and stimulation as well.
But again I would not leave her alone when you have to leave in the morning so much can happen, she could try to cook, fall, wander off.

Common for Dementia. My Mom is ready to get out of the house at 8:30-9:00am. not having a plan ! She calls my name 30 times a day. Wants my permission ! When we get down the road, she asks me which way? Still writes checks for cash at the bank. She cannot spell simple words. She needs help with remembering which day & date it is. She spits in the floor and at stores, because she won't take medicine for trush in her mouth.

It seems obvious that some kind of dementia is taking place. If she hasn’t already been evaluated, that seems the next step to take. A word of caution: be sure to have some way of getting away from it for at least short periods. I hope you can arrange some caregiving in order for you to have some semblance of a life
outside this difficult (to say the least) burden thrust upon you. Best of luck.

I also suggest seeing your primary care physician. S/he can give a mini-memory screening test as well as screening for other things. Abilities regarding time is something that folks lose. My husband was always worried if someone was not around - even though they were in the next room. Best wishes.

It sounds like she has advanced Alzheimer’s. You need to have her checked out. She shouldn’t be driving or going anywhere by herself.

Are you only person noticing? Have friends family said something? Could be lots of things.

Some of this sounds like my husband, immediately post-stroke. If we had an appointment at a particular time, he'd try to get us both going as soon as he woke up (crack of dawn), even if the appointment was later in the afternoon. If we were separated for a few minutes, he'd phone me. (Both of these behaviors dwindled over a period of weeks.) To this day, if something's on his mind, he'll brood on it until we act on it.

Did these symptoms pop up suddenly?

It is possible to have a mini-stroke, or TIA (transient ischemic attack), and not experience symptoms at the time ... but after-effects may show up quickly after.

To confirm or eliminate this possibility, your wife will need a CT and/or MRI scan. Cognitive testing is needed, as well.

Stroke/TIA after-effects *may* fade over time. I wish I could offer guarantees, but I cannot.

I've been there, or adjacent to there ... and ... I wish you both well! Please keep us posted.

Did all of this behavior come on gradually or out of the blue? Time is one issue dementia patients suffer from big time.....they seem to have no concept of or for it at all. I notice it in my 92 year old mother and have for a while before she was officially diagnosed with progressive dementia. In other words, the odd behavior doesn't just show up all of a sudden, so you definitely need to get your wife checked out right away. Sue brings up a good point about a possible UTI......sufferers can act totally whacky with one of those! But you mention "caregivers" so it seems like all of this has been ongoing.....get her evaluated asap and good luck!