I live in a house with two ill people, one is better than the other and doesn't require assistance beyond getting stuff for her and helping her find things. The other is bed confined and I have to help clean up with bathroom things. My brother lives here too but he sleeps all day, and so I am always called to do things, and it feels like it back to back so when for example one needs help wiping their...things...I would be just washing my hands before I am being called else where. And when I think oh boy I maybe will be able to sleep tonight lol nope because at 3 am I am being woken up for one of them, despite my brother staying up all night, because, I am DEPENDABLE.
I wouldn't be so mad if people had work shared equally, were both over the age of 18, but all I get is thank yous, and no solutions.
It's not fair that I have to do everything, simply on the grounds that I have a vagina. It's pretty sexist to think just because I am a woman, means I have to put up with the bulk of caregiving. I wouldn't care if I got monetarily compensated if because woman=must do caregiving, but thats not the point. I am tired of being expected, no obligated, to just put up with it because I am a woman. It'd be much more fair if the brother was made to step in and do some of it, especially at night seeing I am lucky to get even 3 hours of sleep befrore being woken up again. Especially because he's up anyway. When I broach the subject I get shut down, so it's obvious I am needing to find an out, because truthfully I am very stressed out with the amount obligation I am being made to endure. I don't mind helping if people did their fair share, and were more considerate of the fact such constant demands that infringe on even the basic capacity of me sleeping, only does more harm in the long run by burning me out faster. I keep get weird heart murmurs because of the stress, I'm only 24 I shouldn't be having this, and binge eating to cope with it. I guess I want someone to tell me I am not a bad person for thinking these things.
This is too much for anyone to do. I think you are smart, because as you said in a posting, you know your limitations. I also see you as a compassionate person, but your family has expected you to go beyond your limits. Don’t accept what they are dishing out.
Yes, it’s sexists behavior. That is typical of extreme fundamentalist religious fanatics and old fashioned thinkers.
I used to go backpacking with my friends in my youth. It’s a lot of fun. I hope that you are able to enjoy that again. You deserve it.
Fortunately, you didn’t drink the kool aid and haven’t been indoctrinated into your family’s extreme religious beliefs. I am not trying to be disrespectful of anyone else’s faith. I don’t care if a person wishes to worship a tree in their backyard as their higher power. I am a ‘live and let live’ type of person. Others don’t have any right to push or force their beliefs on anyone, especially if they try to guilt others into believing that they will burn in hell.
Ultimately, this force feeding will only push people away but extreme fundamentalists don’t desire to change their behavior, and continue to push their beliefs onto others, no matter how futile it may be. They are brainwashed. It’s sad and infuriating at the same time.
If a baby is over fed they will throw up. That’s where you are at this point. You have had enough and I can’t say that I blame you.
My daughters are just a little older than you. I would never ask them to be a caregiver to myself or anyone else in need. Are my kids selfish? Absolutely not! They have always volunteered in the community. They saw my husband and I volunteer throughout their lives. Volunteer for something that is meaningful to you, not something that is destroying your spirit and self worth.
Holding on doesn’t make us stronger in every situation. Letting go does. It takes strength walk away. Find your inner strength to walk away. Don’t let them guilt you any longer. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You have done far more than your share. They will find help after you leave. Tell them to call Council on Aging or a social worker to make arrangements and be done with it all.
You know that you aren’t going to hell. Personally, I like something that my grandpa always said. Heaven and hell are right here on earth. This has been your hell! Backpacking was your heaven! I believe in an afterlife but not the way they preach about it.
You’re going to get back on track after you leave this situation. The first thing that you need is sleep! Prolonged sleep deprivation is torture.
Create your own path. Live your life on your terms.
Best wishes to you. Take care.
You might also call Adult Protective Services to see if they can step in and see if they would qualify for admittance to a Assisted Living Center. You don't have to do this by yourself and you don't have to do this because you are female. The only on that can make you feel guilt is you. If you can't move out because you can't afford to, you might think about going to a women's shelter to get you out of this situation. There are some shelters that will take women regardless of living situations.
2. Contact doctor. Have evaluation for in-home assistance.
3. Get out of the house. Your neer do well brother is a lead weight.
Could you please clarify your situation? Do you live in your grandfather's house? Are you also taking care of your grandmother? Are you getting compensated? Do you work or go to school?
Just how did this caregiving situation come about?
I'm afraid until you do that, you will continue to be used by these people. Only you can make the changes necessary to get your life back. I hope and pray that you will have the strength and courage to do just that.
Oh and by the way, you are not a bad person for thinking those things. If it were me, I would have been long gone by now.
What is the plan for YOUR future? First thing you need to do imo is make a plan to move out. The sooner the better.
At the time I was living in portland and for awhile I was just doing my own thing, and like my aunt called me and was LIKE I need help. Now the thing is, when I turned 18 I left her and cut all contact, because she's, uh one of the iblp types of fundies, and while I only stayed with her for a short time, because my mom died of illness at 17, and technically I needed an adult, she tried to force me into her little cult, and literally made my life kind of hell, because she thought how my mom raised me, was sinful, and wicked, and I needed jesus. I simply endured because it was only one year, and the minute I turned 18 she was like lol you need to get a husband and tried to get me into a courtship with a man who was 29 at the time, because he was buddies with her husband at the church. I f***** off that night, went to go stay with my sister, and started to work and save money up to go to Washington where one my friends was at, then I sorted of took a few years of backpacking just to see california, even went mexico, and made money doing odd jobs. it wasn't untill like I figured that people wanted to consume content, like that, that I started making money. I am free spirit I don't like being tied down. anyways so when I go resettled and changed my content to freegnanism even did a few chaz/chop streams, anyways, my aunt called me, and if it wasn't for the fact that my grandpa was sick, I would've never opted in, and I was told it was only temporary until they found a home he and they liked. and it sort of turned out to be a few months, the only reason why I chose to initiately help was for him, and my sister she already has a life of her own, she has kids and a job, and husband, and I was sort of just doing my own thing, and I thought the situation would've been temporary, and that why I wanted to help.
As a side note incase, your wondering what iblp is, its basically an extreme denomination of Christianity; I am not sure if your aware but recently on the news, theres a guy named josh duggar, who got arrested for horrendous stuff, thats what him and his family followed. when my mom died, I was the middle child, and my brother the youngest. my dad was no in position to financially support us, so I was sent to live with my aunt, and it was the most stifling year of my life.