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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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My mom wasn't totally bedridden while she lived with me, once she became unable to stand and pivot I researched portable and ceiling lifts so if I hadn't totally burned out and placed her into care she never would have been. Physically - I actually worked out with weights so I had the strength to care for her, I'm no wuss but picking a 150 lb totally helpless person off the floor was almost beyond me. Mentally - I used to say I could take the physical needs but adding in the "crazy" (dementia) was asking too much. Lack of sleep, the most intimate caregiving tasks, always second guessing because we aren't trained to do this, fighting with caregiving agency and the medical community to try to get needs met, being on call 24/7 because even with a generous amount of hired help it all is on your shoulders - did I mention I burned out?.....
My husband is 70 and for the past 4 years he has been completely bedridden. I do everything for him but feed him. I am 66, work part time and have high blood pressure and fibromyalgia. He is a large man; over 300lbs. He has been in rehab (inpatient) 3 times. Currently, after a bout with what I believe was COVID-19, he’s been in hospitals and rehab for 4 months.
I am his sole caregiver. My children have lives of their own but my son will always help if he can. Caring for a bedridden person when they are quite a bit larger than you, fairly immobile and you don’t have proper training in caregiving is very, very difficult. Here, we always say that we are doing the work of three shifts of caregiver, 24/7/365. My husband is fairly easy going, but there are still the middle-of-the-night potty calls, the fetching, the laundry and the personal hygiene care. Since he’s been in the facility, I’ve realized how much easier my life would be if he were in a facility permanently but as long as he has no dementia, I can’t do that to him. He is not in good health and that is the most stressful and emotional hurdle for me. I have, quite frankly, given up my life to take care of him. I have no social life, no friends and am too exhausted for any of my past hobbies. But, I love him and in the “old school” way, “in sickness and in health”.
It is physically demanding work. I found Youtube videos on techniques for dressing, turning and caring for the skin helpful. I had caregivers helping every day for six hour shifts. My major concern was bedsores and keeping the person comfortable. Massaging them was important so the muscles didn't stiffen up and cause them discomfort. We often rearranged the pillows to keep the arms and legs in different positions.
I found it more physically difficult than emotionally difficult. Being of service to them helped emotionally, I thought.
I would not try to do it without some help and honestly, I don't think I'll do it again even with help if the occasion arises. It was very, very hard.
I think this depends on a lot of factors, but three important ones come to mind. One is the attitude of the bedridden person - whether they are demanding and self-centered or gracious and grateful, or somewhere in between. It is much more emotionally difficult to take care of someone who is unappreciative and critical, especially when you are doing it 24/7 and can't really get a break.
The second thing is the duration of the bedridden situation. Is the person in his/her last days or weeks of life? It is much easier to give 110% for a short period of time, especially when you know you're making a person's final days more comfortable and peaceful. It's another thing to sign up for the care of a stroke victim or MS sufferer who could live for years or decades with no improvement. I gladly waited on my mother hand and foot when she was in home hospice the last weeks of her life. I could not have gone on doing that (at least not gladly) had she lasted for months or even years.
The third, and probably most important, is the amount of help that you can count on having. Will paid caregivers or family members be coming on board to give you time off, opportunities for recreation and uninterrupted sleep? Without help, I don't think anyone can take care of a bedridden person for very long. MOO.
Carla raises a good point about the expected duration - unfortunately I think that a lot of us go into caregiving thinking our loved ones are nearing the end of life only to find ourselves still in the trenches years later. I held on far too long because part of me kept expecting to find her dead in her bed one morning, I discovered people can live in a totally dependent state with very little change for much longer than I would ever have dreamed - my palliative mom lived 18 more months in the nursing home and died at the age of 99.
Absolutely! My mom was not bedridden for long at the end, but she did live many years beyond what I expected. I started taking care of her when she was in her mid-late 70's, due to her impaired balance and mobility and a bunch of other problems like diabetes and hypertension. I figured she'd live at most until age 81-82, which was the age her mother died (and my grandma was in much better health in later life than my Mom). She lived until just past 87, with disabilities and illnesses increasing every year, and frequent medical crises and hospitalizations the last year or two. Even in a bedridden state, a person's condition is not necessarily terminal. Many of us don't realize what we're taking on until we're in it up to our necks.
It was physically demanding because I have fibromyalgia. My mom was not bedridden for long - about five months I guess. She had a good attitude but would get upset when she was turned over to be changed. The hospice nurses said that I needed another person to help, but there was no one. Towards the end her muscles started to stiffen and I'm sure she was not comfortable, but was able to stay on Tylenol until hospice took over and started her on morphine, and she was only on that for about two weeks until she got either the coronavirus or pneumonia. We were really surprised that she was comfortable for so long with a fractured hip. She was eating well until about five days before she passed away. You are at the place of not wanting to do it anymore, but also not wanting them to pass away. I know that I gave her the best care possible - at the expense of my health - so I feel that there wasn't anything else that I could do.
Personally, I would not care for a bedridden person.
I have never had any upper body strength. And only being 5ft, I don't have much in the way of leverage. My Mom was mobil but did need help getting out of a chair, on and off the toilet and toileting and in and out of the shower. When trying to help her out of her chair, she pulled against me. I let her go. She landed back in her chair. But I would have hurt my back if I had tried to force her to stand. I already had arthritis in my lower back that hurt just to bend over to put her socks on.
Then its the cleaning up. (This was the worst for me. Cleaning Mom up after she went on the toilet) Trying to put clean sheets on the bed while they are in it. Changing clothes. Repositioning. My back hurts just thinking about having to do it. Putting clean sheets on the bed hurts my lower back.
We need to know our limits. With my Mom, I was 65 and she was 86. Both Seniors. When she came to live with me, it was never going to be permanent.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I am his sole caregiver. My children have lives of their own but my son will always help if he can. Caring for a bedridden person when they are quite a bit larger than you, fairly immobile and you don’t have proper training in caregiving is very, very difficult. Here, we always say that we are doing the work of three shifts of caregiver, 24/7/365. My husband is fairly easy going, but there are still the middle-of-the-night potty calls, the fetching, the laundry and the personal hygiene care. Since he’s been in the facility, I’ve realized how much easier my life would be if he were in a facility permanently but as long as he has no dementia, I can’t do that to him. He is not in good health and that is the most stressful and emotional hurdle for me. I have, quite frankly, given up my life to take care of him. I have no social life, no friends and am too exhausted for any of my past hobbies. But, I love him and in the “old school” way, “in sickness and in health”.
I found it more physically difficult than emotionally difficult. Being of service to them helped emotionally, I thought.
I would not try to do it without some help and honestly, I don't think I'll do it again even with help if the occasion arises. It was very, very hard.
The second thing is the duration of the bedridden situation. Is the person in his/her last days or weeks of life? It is much easier to give 110% for a short period of time, especially when you know you're making a person's final days more comfortable and peaceful. It's another thing to sign up for the care of a stroke victim or MS sufferer who could live for years or decades with no improvement. I gladly waited on my mother hand and foot when she was in home hospice the last weeks of her life. I could not have gone on doing that (at least not gladly) had she lasted for months or even years.
The third, and probably most important, is the amount of help that you can count on having. Will paid caregivers or family members be coming on board to give you time off, opportunities for recreation and uninterrupted sleep? Without help, I don't think anyone can take care of a bedridden person for very long. MOO.
You are at the place of not wanting to do it anymore, but also not wanting them to pass away. I know that I gave her the best care possible - at the expense of my health - so I feel that there wasn't anything else that I could do.
I have never had any upper body strength. And only being 5ft, I don't have much in the way of leverage. My Mom was mobil but did need help getting out of a chair, on and off the toilet and toileting and in and out of the shower. When trying to help her out of her chair, she pulled against me. I let her go. She landed back in her chair. But I would have hurt my back if I had tried to force her to stand. I already had arthritis in my lower back that hurt just to bend over to put her socks on.
Then its the cleaning up. (This was the worst for me. Cleaning Mom up after she went on the toilet) Trying to put clean sheets on the bed while they are in it. Changing clothes. Repositioning. My back hurts just thinking about having to do it. Putting clean sheets on the bed hurts my lower back.
We need to know our limits. With my Mom, I was 65 and she was 86. Both Seniors. When she came to live with me, it was never going to be permanent.