My mother and I have always been close. She’s been there for me through the toughest times including my first born baby who was only 4 at the time she unfortunately passed from an inoperable brain tumor. She’s been there through my breakups.. and I have been there for her during her toughest times like w she had cancer, I took care of her then too. You name it we are there for each other ! My 3 daughters and I live with her and I’m her full time caregiver. She is a former stna that is now disabled because the job took its toll on her bones and broke her down. She’s also a cancer patient that’s been in remission for approx 4 years now. She had Large B Cell Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. We believe the cancer may be back because she’s having weird, ongoing, symptoms for 4 months now with her mouth and throat. I feel we’re are reliving that nightmare all over again when she had weird symptoms before we found out she had cancer. It’s now the holidays and my 3 children and I are witnessing her suffering every day. They come home from school and there’s their granny crying in her rocking chair as usual. This is going on everyday because of the pain that she is in. She’s suffering! My daughters just go to their room because it’s too sad to be around her like this. Her oncologist has referred her to a ent specialist but we can’t get her in any sooner than the date they have given her. Even though I plead with them and I give all the details they’d need so that they will boost up her appointment but they say they can’t. This whole thing is causing us to all become very stressed with Christmas soon approaching. It hurts so bad to see her in such pain. I understand completely but she seems to feel I don’t understand despite me being here for her every step of the way. I get that she’s not feeling well and hurts so she’s very grouchy. What I’m here for today is just trying to get some helpful advice on how to deal with this. She is very mean and it’s very difficult to get along with her. My 1 year old is now fearful of her and don’t want her to hold her because she’s scared about her temper and don’t like her mommy getting yelled at. She belittles me, tears me down in some way shape or form just about every day. Then when I stick up for myself she says I’m suppose to just take it because she’s sick and elderly. She always leans on her being elderly and sick as an excuse for her terrorizing words and being so mean. She has been getting more and more grouchy because of not knowing if she has the cancer again and from the pain, not being able to boost her appointment.. plus Xmas fast approaching in the midst of all the hell. It’s just constant stress everyday. I have tried the friendly approach but then she tries saying I’m on drugs and belittles me again! I’m sick of getting criticized for no reason! My brothers have a very distant relationship with her and will not help in any way with her. She’s always had a way with words that can really hurt. I believe she’s bipolar, she has been diagnosed with ptsd as well as me after losing my daughter. She also suffers from anxiety and depression and several other chronic bone and health issues. This is so stressful for me with having 3 kids to care for as well. I don’t want to fight but when someone is constantly badgering you, even if it’s your sick mother it hurts! It’s human nature to stick up for yourself sometimes and yell back. I just try to tough it out most of the time and I try to separate myself from her but it’s difficult when you have children and must also care for her despite how she is treating me. I just don’t know what to do! I’m just trying to get any helpful advice on this matter! Thank you!
Also, if your mother is in excrutiating pain crying in the rocking chair, CALL 911!!! She needs to go to the hospital.
Seriously, do you need to be asked these questions and told all of this? It's basically common sense. Really, it's not about you "sticking up" for yourself to your cancer-stricken mother. It's about getting her the medical help she needs and taking responsibility for yourself and your children.
Send your mother to the hospital because she's ill. Then get your kids out of the traumatizing and abusive situation you have them living in.
First and foremost forget about your siblings to help you. You can't change them so you have to adjust your way of thinking.
Second. I get that you want to take care of your mom but this is sounding like it is getting to be a toxic environment for your kids. If they are scared of grandma that is not good. And if they see you being abused they may just assume this is normal acceptable behavior and this is how they will treat you later on as well as their spouses.
You need to begin to look for a facility that can care for her or if she can manage at this time a Senior Apartment with an occasional Caregiver if one is needed.
If a Senior Apartment would work I suggest you get her on as many waiting lists as possible. As soon as possible.
You can contact your local Senior Service Center and see if there are programs that could help her.
Check to if there are Adult Day programs that she could become involved with or if the Senior Center has activities that she would like.
I also think that a 911 call for the pain that she is experiencing. That would get her to see a doctor sooner than the one scheduled.
It's not good for you or your children to be exposed to such toxic behavior, regardless of the reasons. I think you need to find out what's going on with mom, medically, and then make plans to move out of her home, assuming it's her home you live in. Your children need a stable, peaceful environment to live and grow in, and so do you.
Take things one step at a time, with the ER being step #1.
My condolences on the loss of your dear daughter. I'm sorry you're all going thru such turmoil, and wish you the best outcome.
Your mother now needs to go to the hospital AT ONCE via ambulance.
Call them now. Today. At once.
Moreover, you are knowingly and willfully endangering your children by their exposure to all of this at their young ages.
You need to refuse to allow hospital to send your mother home without full diagnosis. She must get that and get pain relief NOW.
You may be looking at the onset of death from her metastasis of cancer. She may need placement and Hospice.
This isn't doable by you now, with your children present.
Your obligation, as I just told another, is not to your mother, but to your children.
You cannot expose them to what is happening now at this early age.
I am totally uninterested about your other family members. This is on YOU.
Act now in the protection of your children and for your mother's welfare.
Call the ambulance.