MIL was scammed by a ridiculous scheme for a lot of money. What do we do now?

After falling for a couple of phishing emails my mom voluntarily gave me her email login. I check her email in the morning right before work and hit the "spam" button on all the garbage emails. Between that and unsubscribing from all the legitimate but unneeded email lists her email is pretty clean now and takes very little maintenance.

If she thinks of you as her "tech support" person she may be willing.

That's the reason why scammers target the seniors. Many are cognitively impaired and are easy victims. Somebody will have to supervise her on her computer, and have her tested by a neuropsychologist before is too late for her assigning a POA.

Time to consider staging for dementia/testing by neuro psyc. Get the POA in place first if that has not been done. Someone should now act as her POA with control over any charge accounts (they should be cancelled) and MIL gets a small account of her own for spending money while the FPOA does the money management,bill paying, taxes, banking and etc. It's a big job (I did it), especially in the first year with all the setup with banks, bills paying and other problems. You will want to set up all accounts her name, POA being you. She should not have checks other than to her small account.. If you don't want this onerous responsibility, do consider hiring a paid Fiduciary who is Certified (not a money manager per se) at about 100.00 an hour. Not much more than hour monthly needed after set up in most cases.
This will happen easily and certainly until she is basically wiped out.
If MIL fights this you are likely looking at her giving away all her money. It has happened to others.
The current favorite in fact IS child trafficking, which is virtually non existent in our country. Recent reports were on TV and radio about these scams. You can look it up on AARP also.
Sorry this happened, and yes, the money is gone. Time to make certain more doesn't follow it.
AARP has a LOT of info online about scams, the types, and etc. Not a lot of help to be had, however.

My first question is HOW did they get the money? Based on the fact that she clicked a link - I'm assuming they tracked it via her computer to her bank account - but FIL has also had a situation where someone CALLED him after he clicked a link and they asked him for his bank information (or told him to call them and he did - he never really told us the truth on that one) - so that's why I'm asking. If it was all via her computer - I'm sure that all of the experts that you have spoken to have told you how to clean that computer thoroughly (or did it for you) by clearing the cache and history, malware and virus protection, ensuring that there are no keylogger programs installed to watch everything she types, etc. Additionally you will want to ensure that if she is going to use that computer for her socializing, that you (or she) don't log into her bank account any longer on that computer. (check the history frequently).

If she only uses certain websites - I would suggest parental controls. As long as you feel those sites are safe and not the ones that offered the link in the first place. You can choose what sites she visits and block others entirely. Anything else she wants to visit she would need to vet with you and you could add to the approved list.

Get a good tech support for her computer - either through her ISP or her computer provider. They charge for premium support but it's a good back up and they can help right away.

Get a good popup blocker and keep it turned on. This will catch the vast majority of popups and a decent number of link popups that come up that are just garbage to begin with. This will hopefully also catch any popups that try to give them a number to call with anything that might slip through.

These types of things come in via cell phone too. Via email or text. I suggest prescreening email if you can - this could have potentially been the source on the computer or even a Facebook messenger link.

For the phone there is also Telecalm if you are concerned about what calls are coming and going. (but that has a hefty fee). There are other programs like it as well.

Text messages -for my FIL he doesn't really understand technology very well - just well enough to *use* it to make it go but not really well enough to make it work well if that makes sense. So text messages he gets them but he doesn't respond to them except by accident (except for the odd deliberate ones that take him FOREVER to actually respond to correctly). So we go through his text messages and delete and clock the scams).

Here is the thing that the people that fall for scams the easiest don't seem to realize. The more vulnerable they are - the more vulnerable they are. By that I mean, the more you engage or respond in the slightest, the more you are going to receive. So if you are like my FIL, he ANSWERS every call, whether he recognizes the number or not, and he will talk to them....he will call unknown numbers back...he will click on links etc. Our only saving grace so far has been two parts - first SIL/BIL have mostly walked in and interrupted him selling his life on the open market a number of times and second FIL stops short of giving out his bank account information because he gets suspicious (right now anyway). But the reality for most people that are self aware is that we recognize that scammers are selling our information every time we react- so we ignore them. Every time our loved ones react - their information gets sold. We did the math once. There are 8 of us in the immediate family - not counting FIL. TOGETHER we probably get 25 'scam' type calls or texts in a given week across 8 cell phones. So roughly 3 each. FIL gets that 25 in a DAY across 2 phones (home and cell) - because he engages them, he picks up the phone on both. We've tried to tell him that they sell his numbers and every time we 'kill' one 5 more come to their funeral!

Good luck and I'm so sorry this happened!! We worry about this exact thing!

We took a different approach.   My father felt good about donating to good causes, so we had a discussion in which I proposed that he select only those causes which I verified as legit.    It wasn't that difficult, since that information is available through sites that collect data on charities and alleged charities.   He could still benefit from the positive effects of donations and helping those in need.

He also agreed that no funds would be donated to any institution, charity, or organization that paid its CEO or other staff $100K or over.    So from then on, whenever he got a solicitation, he called me, I checked out the salaries and told him what the CEO and staff were making.    I also checked out salaries of organizations to which he had already donated.  The concept that someone could make $100K (at that time, some years ago) w/o real down to earth work was so offensive that the new procedure was implemented easily.

an additional step in protecting your MIL would be to add a home phone with call blocking capabilities. I purchased a VTech Cordless phone with Smart call blocker technology. It has been a life saver since my Dad lost 10k to a phone scammer. The scam, robo, unknown and private calls are not able to get thru. Only calls on the phones allowed list are able to get thru. Note: I had to add his home number to the blocked list bc scammers were spoofing calls with his name and number.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=abJ7tCOzY98

Good idea, get her bank account info off the computer, close down the accounts. Also, you might want to open her inbox on your computer, if you can get the password from her. That way you can keep an eye on any scammers sending e mails. Good luck.

Maybe take this opportunity to “protect” her accounts in case her computer has been “infected” by changing her banking system, maybe change or consolidate accounts as someone suggested, set up auto pay or on-line pay that you do but run by her first so she still feels she’s in control. You could do this with checks too, you write them out and give them to her to sign. You could also make one account for her “spending” that has a specific amount kept in it that you transfer money into when needed and one for bills where most are on auto pay which is also the one her income goes into. Thus way she has total control over the spending account but if there is a significant jump in her spending you will know and she can only be scammed out of so much, again the reason for doing this (maybe even set up her current account this way) is in case someone has gotten a hold of access. Tell her you will become her business manager rather than do what so many others do at this time of their lives and pay someone to do it (ok, ok an exaggeration but not totally wrong that someone else is often helping…) It doesn’t have to be about her getting scammed, it happens to lots of people, it’s about the scammers who are so good at it.

Given she is making decisions that are very, very serious (large amount of cash). I would tell her that her computer needs to go in for servicing. Take the computer. Just see if she can learn to cope without it? Take her off social media if able. Just tell her that they now have her information they will continue to target her (true actually). A little scare tactics would not hurt.

Get cams in the house. That way you will know if she falls, will know if she answers the door to someone, etc. She wont be left on the floor for 2 days. Get rid of internet. It is not a good social outlet when she is scammed and it will happen again, and again. They will change up people and tactics because they got paid. How do you know she will not give out her address? Her phone number? Loan her car out? Invite them over?? You don't. You have no idea and she is alone there. The scammers have nothing but time and diff sams to run on her. Ho do you know they won't start calling her again? Get her in a lov scam?
My dad was starting to get scammed via telephone from guys in Jamaica. They cold call hundreds of numbers until they find a lonely elderly person. Then called 5am till 12 at night. My mom was working. Even telling them to stop calling didn't work. I knew it wouldn't.
Take her to adult day care. Or an elderly social group. She doesn't need the computer. If you must, get a child monitoring software on there that you have an app on your phone. But how will you see what's happening in real time vs hours later after the fact? By then it will be too late. Scammers are very crafty. They can actually turn your loved one into someone you don't recognize. My dad was convinced he won the Walmart lottery altho admitted he never entered. There is no such thing. He wouldn't believe mom, my sibling or me, other family. Said we were jealous? Would not give in or let up on it. Finally mom had him call Walmart supervisor and they told him it's bogus.
Look at the lonely heart scammers on Dr Phil. Their family and friends told the person loosing their life savings, it was a scam. The elderly person still didn't believe it, dug their heels in even more. They didnt even believe Dr phil when he had the person investigated. I would never trust the internet with an elderly person. Ever.
You can always say you were on the computer and it got a virus. Cut the cord. Password protected it so she can't get on. Say a weird screen came on and locked it down. Oh no a horrible virus crashed it. No money to fix it. Or take it to get fake fixed and dont return it. Still at the shop sorry. She doesn't need the internet. It is nothing but trouble and now they got a live one. They can call her back any time. Get a woman to contact her. Get a group to contact her. They have all day every day to figure out how to reel her back in.
Is she still able to go to the bank and pull money out????

Get mail sent to your house.

Money is the aim of vulture’s game.

Unless someone is willing to live with MIL to oversee all that is going on then you will constantly be on pins and needles wondering what’s next.

When one’s executive function weakens, vultures sense their pry. 

Before you know it, there will be vultures all around MIL and she will fight you because these friendly vultures are her friends. Everyone who calls or visits is her friend and you become the enemy if you get in the way.

You mother seems savvy with using the Internet, and she communicates via email, so taking away her away her computer or Internet access is a terrible idea; she'd be isolated. Still, she fell victim to what keeps scammers in business: the compassionate hearts of the elderly. I'm considered elderly, but I'd also like to think that I'm too savvy to fall victim to a scam. I came close, once. I think most of us have, no matter what our age.

Anyway, the issue seems to be access to her bank account or eventually, her debit/credit card. Many people here have suggested that you become the gate-keeper for access to those accounts. That's a good idea. It's tedious to set up, but once you do, it should be fairly automatic. You shouldn't have to monitor her email.

Whether or not you gain gatekeeper capability, she should put a freeze on her credit card account through Experian, TransUnion or Equifax. It protects her from identity theft because creditors won't have access to her credit records, & people can't open an account in her name.

This is so common now, so many people preying on seniors. Talk to your mother about taking over her financial affairs. Hopefully she'll be OK with it, and sometimes it is a a relief. Make sure all of her paperwork is in order while she is still able to sign legal papers. She needs to set up POA for financial and medical matters, a living will with her advance medical directives, and a will if she has assets. If she agrees, take over all of her bill paying and financial accounts. You could leave her with a credit card, but keep the limit low. Maybe just leave her with cash to pay for her out-of-pocket expenses, and take away the checkbook. The POA should get a second card on her credit card account with their name on the card, to purchase things for her. But she (and the POA) also need to have a plan for when she is not able to care for herself. There are 2 basic options: caregivers to care for her in her home, moving to assisted living. You are likely to get more professional care in assisted living, there will be people around all the time and they organize activities. Some people do not know that they are getting dementia. When you talk to her about being incapacitated, you can use an example of decining health where she'll need more assistance. All the best to both of you!

If you have POA, then you could cancel her financial accounts (no credit or debit cards and no checking accounts). An Elder Law Attorney can help her, or you, get her affairs in order. I know there are ways to use parental controls and you can find out how to set those up on her computer.

https://www.pcmag.com/picks/the-best-parental-control-software - if she's on Apple: https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201304

I wouldn’t assume she is losing executive function since SO MANY people are scammed. They do target the elderly but I think if you told her not to commit to send any money to anyone until she speaks with you, she should be able to follow that. Much younger people have been scammed because these scammers are very clever. You can explain that to her.

Libbby: Close down her financials.

Might be wise to put child protective mode on her computer to keep her safer. Also consider asking bank to notify you of any transaction greater than $100 before processing it.