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She’s 94. Obsessive about the equipment. She reads the booklets several times a week (she’s used the equipment for years) and tells me I don’t know how it works when I try to help.
As a CPAP user myself, I know I get a much better quality of sleep when I use mine.
Are you arguing because she has forgotten how to use it properly? Or because she spends too much time focused on it? Or that she thinks you don't know how it works (and she is now not using it properly)?
If you are fighting to have her use it: stop doing that.
If you are fighting because she spends too much time on focused on it: practice redirecting her attention with something positive, another activity or thing. Also, is she stops obsessing on the cpap she may just start obsessing about something else.
Only you know/care if you know how to use it/run it/clean it. You won't be able to convince her otherwise, as she probably has some level of dementia.
Pick your battles wisely. When my 93-yr old Mom starts ranting about politics and negative things at our dinner table, my husband starts looking up funny YouTube or Tiktok videos to show her. Works every time. We just don't respond to her rantings.
Also, please watch some Tippa Snow Videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving and teaches people the strategies to have more peaceful and productive interactions with their LOs who have dementia.
Let it go and leave her alone. Sounds like there's dementia going on here meaning no matter WHAT you say or do, it wont matter bc once they get a thought stuck in their head, you can't chop it out of there with an axe.
You can't care more about her sleep apnea than she does. If she asks for your help outright, fine. O/w, live what's left of your life as you see fit mom. At 94, she's earned that right.
This is a good example that her memory loss is getting worse. Start checkibg on her ability to cook and eat on time, use of the phone and TV. Stay a step ahead and keep her safe. If she is now finding that putting on a mask or nasal pillow and pushing the start button, then leave it alone or visit her at bedtime to start her up. She may still take it off at night
Look up CPAP recalls on the FDA website. Decide whether this is a fight worth having. I don't think it is. (Seeing my bil endure cancer surgery and chemo because of the breakdown of the filter of the CPAP he used has convinved me I'll never use one.)
Going forward, now that all manufacturers know that certain plastic breaks down. (Very unfortunate for the manufacturer who was caught off guard from their supplier or what plastic can change and break down) the machines are now safe.
My mother stopped using hers at one point but after we tried a couple of different masks, etc…, she started using it again. A friend who has spent the night with her recently said that now, although she says she’s using it, she has checked in the middle of the night and my mother has taken it off.
My husband is 75 and I stopped having him use his. Because of his swallowing issues, when he sneezes it seems like a waterfall (exaggerating). I finally decided that the risk of him getting pneumonia was not worth the stress I had trying to be sure it was as clean as possible every day. Fortunately his is mild or at least was but it was still a tough decision. So step back and look at the whole picture. If it is causing more stress for her and you as well to have her use it, it may be time to forgo using it. Stress by itself can have it own unhealthy side effects both for her and you. I try weigh the benefits vs risk the same as other medical decisions. Whatever you decide, let her providers know and they may very well agree with you which can help relieve any stress you feel if you stop. Our doctor supported my decision.
For me, whenever I have to make a decision with major risks, because of my Christian faith I try to remember Psalm 139... especially verse 16 where it says our days were numbered before we were even born. I still don't take my decisions lightly but it relieves some of the pressure trusting my husband will still get every day he was ordained. I decided to try to make each of his days comfortable for him by relieving stress when possible while hoping for another ten years. I am blessed that he is still functioning quite well but am aware that with his heart issues he may be gone before tomorrow.
Gosh this is difficult. You are so right. There is no convincing her on anything. She is noticeably brighter, less painful and happier after a night using her machine. I have the app on my phone. I need to remember to check how I get sucked in to her obsession. And your right, if I divert her from this it will be replaced with something else.
I truly don’t care if she uses it or not. I’m not convinced it makes any long term difference with her over all health or her longevity. perhaps that is why getting drawn into arguments is such a frustration for me. Yup. It’s my frustration that needs to be checked.
Perhaps you can have a professional come in and explain to her the benefits of care of it - she may put more stock in a respiratory specialist than anything you tell her. If that's not an option, I would let it go.
I have sleep issues but I am young at 63. If a cpap helps I am for it but at 94 where you are not active and your days are free to do as you want like take a nap. I do not see a problem not using one.
Pretend to talk to the doctor on your phone. Tell mom you just talked to the doctor and that she needs to use it more often per doctors orders. Also, doctor says that this is how to make the machine work better for you because you are breathing in through the nose and not the mouth or whatever makes her believe you know what you are doing.
If she is cognitively capable of making her own decisions, then her decisions for her care should be honored,even if you or someone else sees the need differently. You will be respecting " patient rights" to let her choose,accept, or decline whatever care is being offered.
Sometimes also just deferring to her to make her own decisions, with something like " you know best Mom" and then not saying anything else, works wonders....
There has been CPAP machine recalls in the last couple years. They were louder. Check to be sure her model isn't. Check that she's using distilled water. Truly, if this is her worst issue, you're both blessed.
At 94 I wouldn't be arguing a whole lot about anything or for anything and would be considering any day I still had "gravy". But if you note a huge change, for instance a huge fall in O2 sat, it is worth measuring, and your Mom may enjoy working with this tiny little 20.00 measurement device for her finger. The numbers register digitally and are usually large and easy to see.
If a large change occurs without the CPAP, and she isn't wearing it, it is worth discussing with MD, but I cannot imagine how you can keep the darn thing on all night and still get a bit of sleep. And argument? Nope. That REALLY lowers the Q2 sat for you both!
I have done a sleep study. I did not need a CPAP. The study confirmed my suspicion and my treatment went a different direction. I had insomnia, which explained my symptoms, but breathing is the most common cause of sleep issues.
There is a minority in all ages that can and do use C-Pap and Bi-Pap fully as prescribed. In this case perhaps trying different types of masks can be helpful. I use both nasal-cushion as well as full-face-mask. And neither really does the intended function. Thus, for at least some benefit it is better to use the device then not. There is an expensive other method : A device made by dental specialists which is worn over the teeth at night and adjusts the neck into a position to secure good breathing.
Sleep apnea is one of the known contributors to dementia. There are very few known contributors. Look it up. This should answer anyone's questions about whether to "let it go" or encourage her to use the mask.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Are you arguing because she has forgotten how to use it properly? Or because she spends too much time focused on it? Or that she thinks you don't know how it works (and she is now not using it properly)?
If you are fighting to have her use it: stop doing that.
If you are fighting because she spends too much time on focused on it: practice redirecting her attention with something positive, another activity or thing. Also, is she stops obsessing on the cpap she may just start obsessing about something else.
Only you know/care if you know how to use it/run it/clean it. You won't be able to convince her otherwise, as she probably has some level of dementia.
Pick your battles wisely. When my 93-yr old Mom starts ranting about politics and negative things at our dinner table, my husband starts looking up funny YouTube or Tiktok videos to show her. Works every time. We just don't respond to her rantings.
Also, please watch some Tippa Snow Videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving and teaches people the strategies to have more peaceful and productive interactions with their LOs who have dementia.
You can't care more about her sleep apnea than she does. If she asks for your help outright, fine. O/w, live what's left of your life as you see fit mom. At 94, she's earned that right.
If she is now finding that putting on a mask or nasal pillow and pushing the start button, then leave it alone or visit her at bedtime to start her up. She may still take it off at night
There was no way in the world she'd have agreed to use one even before she had dementia.
She lived seven more years after that recommendation and never suffered for sleep nor did she have a stroke or whatever they're supposed to prevent.
Leave her alone.
Simplify the topic first eg
How have you been sleeping Mom? Good? Ok, that's great. *leave it*
Poor? *Suggestion*
This machine with the mask is supposed to help with that. Would you like to try it?
A friend who has spent the night with her recently said that now, although she says she’s using it, she has checked in the middle of the night and my mother has taken it off.
For me, whenever I have to make a decision with major risks, because of my Christian faith I try to remember Psalm 139... especially verse 16 where it says our days were numbered before we were even born. I still don't take my decisions lightly but it relieves some of the pressure trusting my husband will still get every day he was ordained. I decided to try to make each of his days comfortable for him by relieving stress when possible while hoping for another ten years. I am blessed that he is still functioning quite well but am aware that with his heart issues he may be gone before tomorrow.
I truly don’t care if she uses it or not. I’m not convinced it makes any long term difference with her over all health or her longevity. perhaps that is why getting drawn into arguments is such a frustration for me. Yup. It’s my frustration that needs to be checked.
Thank you for the advice
Sometimes also just deferring to her to make her own decisions, with something like " you know best Mom" and then not saying anything else, works wonders....
Take care of yourself......
Check to be sure her model isn't. Check that she's using distilled water.
Truly, if this is her worst issue, you're both blessed.
If a large change occurs without the CPAP, and she isn't wearing it, it is worth discussing with MD, but I cannot imagine how you can keep the darn thing on all night and still get a bit of sleep. And argument? Nope. That REALLY lowers the Q2 sat for you both!
She's 'used' one this way for 20 years, She's 92.
It's a battle nobody will fight with her.
(Yes, we are all fully aware that there are NO beneficial vapors involved--she's just crazy.)
BTW--I have never heard of a single person doing a sleep study where they DIDN'T 'need' a CPAP. Not a single one.