Mom hit the health care aide repeatedly during an escape attempt. What to do?
She is also threatening to run over other residents with her walker.We moved her a month ago to a nicer assisted living facility that charges a lot less (we are cash pay). She was fine until 2 days after she got there and then started raising hell. The doctor says any calming meds will increase her chances of falling, but the staff report the other residents are very upset by her screaming, bashing her walker into the office and other areas and she hit the aide multiple times trying to escape (into -3C weather). I had to unplug my house phone because she's calling more than 10x/day. Says the place is a hellhole and she's going to hitchhike 'home' (wherever that is). She can't hear on the telephone anymore. I go visit once a week for several hours because I just can't mentally cope with more frequent encounters. Any suggestions on how else to calm her down? I don't want her thrown out.
2. I believe that people in her condition should not have a phone. Who are they going to call? And why? It is better if you communicate directly with the staff.
There is an unrelated memory care unit nearby that is a possibility...I will investigate it soon on a proactive basis as Igloo and Olaandme suggest.
We are changing health care providers to one who will come to her apartment to provide care, but it takes a little time to do that.
I found her escape outfit...a heavy jacket packed full of mixed nuts and little notebooks. I'm so sad she is so delusional and distressed. I so wish I could make it better.
Yes, I'm the one legally empowered to manage her finances and medical care.
I'm very grateful for the forensic accountant...this is an accountant that specializes in fraud and criminal behavior detection. Helps me keep everything neat and proper. I can recommend finding one of these specialists when you know your relative is going to go down the paranoia rabbit hole.
You may ask for a meeting with the AL director and department heads to come up with a plan of care, but in the meantime, I would get her proper medical attention and find another place for her that is more suited to her needs. In an emergency or if she tries to leave the facility, you might not get 30 days notice.
I learned that sometimes with dementia patients, they can't verbalize when they are in pain. They often act out. You have to read what they are trying to tell you as others here have pointed out.
My cousin was recovering from a spine fracture and it must have been causing her a lot of pain. Plus, she wanted to lay in bed a lot. Soon after she went on Cymbalta, it was like a miracle. It works on pain and depression. It really helped her. I would discuss this with her doctor or a new doctor.
I know it is a nightmare when you are so frightened that you loved one will be ousted from a facility. You will see a huge difference in your stress level, once you get her behavior more stable and she is in a place that can really assist her needs better.
I will add that when my loved one was placed with residents who were similar to her, she seemed much more at peace.
She had to go into a locked memory care/geri-psych unit after. She could not return to the nursing home unit she had been in. She is now on high doses of Prozac and Risperidone. It has helped a lot. She has to be supervised 24/7 in a unit where she can't elope. She has an ankle bracelet that stops doors from opening.
This doctor you describe is NOT giving you good advice. They have to weigh the pros & cons of medication, and sometimes the side effects are totally worth it because of the benefit. It is not good for a patient to be in a constant state of upset, fear, and combativeness. If that were me, load me up with the meds please, so people can take care of me!
You should have a social worker coordinating with you on where to put mom. The place my mom is at has a social worker in their employ who does this. She was wonderful.
They do not sue the family when they are hit, bitten or otherwise attacked as it comes with territory.
They are professionals trained and paid to handle these situations without causing injury or additional distress to the client.
I suspect your mother is in an "assisted living" facility?
They will not keep a client that acts out, continuously upsets / disturbs other residents, need extensive memory care, prompting or skilled ongoing nursing or LPN attendants.
Usually these conditions are made clear to the family and client before acceptance.
Always read the fine print in a contract.
If this keeps up, the facility will have no choice but to send you a "30 Day Notice" on mom and she will have to move. Be proactive in this and have a clear talk with the social worker at the AL as to what they suggest as to either a NH or specialized AL for mom to go to. If the $ is not there to continue with private pay, then going into a NH and applying for Medicaid will have to be there route to go. It will be good that you have an accountant dealing with her $ as it will make the Medicaid application easier.
You do have DPOA & MPOA for her, don't you?
Sjolley2, you make a good point about the pain...I know she has complained about her knee in the past....I wonder if it's hurting her and she doesn't mention it...maybe an X-ray is in order...interesting idea to address pain behaviors. She does make a hissing sound when sitting down or rising from seated position. She has vascular dementia. Her short term memory is completely gone, not 15 seconds of recall but she can carry on a normal sounding conversation for brief periods. She is very paranoid, suspicious, delusional and says I'm evil and she's in prison, to the point that staff warned me to expect another resident's family member may call the adult protective services to investigate. They report she is fixated on me stealing her money (not true, I hired a forensic accountant to keep track of her money). But she can't remember the answers I give her about her money. It's all so depressing and discouraging. Yah, word to the wise, don't change environments unless you have to because it's very disruptive, moreso than I expected. Even for a 25% price cut and better care.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/Stages-of-Alzheimers-disease-118964.htm