I think mom is close to the end. I did go to visit her in New Bern back in November. She’s been terribly unhappy at that assisted living. She has also come to realize (through nothing on my part!) the brother in charge has been withholding her money. I’ve sent her flowers every month and beautiful lotions, food, snacks, sleepwear - whatever I can do from afar. Every phone call I tell her I love her. All incoming calls are now blocked - it’s been days since we last talked. I knew 15 years ago based on my brother and SIL’s behavior when my dad died that I would be excluded from anything to do with our mom. It’s like she’s his mother only. There is nothing/no one that can comfort me now. I honestly don’t know if I can attend her funeral given my SIL will be the one to arrange everything. Not to mention my brother recently leveled a serious accusation against me relating to another family member’s death. He is out for blood and I’m too broken to be anywhere near him. Please give me support.
It's disgusting what siblings do to one another during their parents end of life journey.
I'm sorry for your pain and suffering.
As far as giving you support... we only hear your side of the story. I would not be able to support anyone in any situation if I only heard one side. Respectfully, why do you care about support from anonymous strangers on a forum? What good does it do you, especially if you were blocked for a reason? Maybe you should talk to another uninvolved relative or friend to see if you're giving your brother a reason to block you.
I wish you clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart in this situation.
Have you talked to the director at the AL asking him/her if there is a reason why u can't visit? 600 miles would take you maybe a day of driving. You really do need to go there and check on Mom. If brother is POA it does not give him the right to ban Moms children from talking to her unless they are disruptive.
Your option is to talk to a lawyer about ur rights.
Your mom may be completely unaware of the restrictions your family has put in place that are preventing you from being more involved in her end-of-life care. If she is up to the task, I would urge her to seek legal counsel from attorneys who specialize in elder exploitation issues. You may also be able to participate in that consultation via phone conference, if you coordinate with your mom in advance.
Legal Aid of NC (https://legalaidnc.org/) has pro bono and “low bono” options for folks who are navigating various legal issues (they might be able to help with the other allegations leveled against you as well). At the very least, LA of NC may direct you and/or your mom to another resource better-suited for this situation—or they may be able to provide the guidance and direction you need.
There may be ways to circumvent or overrule the restrictions your family put in place. If your mom is not competent or independent enough to seek aid, LA of NC still may be a resource worth investigating. (I would do this quickly and quietly, without alerting your brother and SIL to the fact that you’re seeking legal intervention.)
When you speak to your mom outside of seeking to address these problems, focus on joy and positivity and cherish every moment. As much as you are able, do your best to prevent these issues with your relatives from negatively impacting your remaining time with your beloved mom—for your own sake as well as hers.
There are always options and there is always hope. You are not alone. Many are grappling with similar issues and frustrating roadblocks, often put in place by people we love and who we thought we could trust unconditionally. It is always helpful and heartening to hear from others in similar circumstances.
Thank you for being brave enough to share your struggle. I sincerely wish you all the very best!
It is sickening when one sibling creates this kind of hurt for the other children of their parents.
I was encouraged by my dad's facility owners to block my brother and they seemed insulted when I said no. Just because I think he's a donkey doesn't mean the relationship between him and our dad is any of my business,
I so wish others would see it like that. I know that there is a time and a place for interventions, it's just that sooooo many cannot handle authority without abusing it.
I pray that you get to say goodbye to your mom and find peace with the situation. Go see her and let brother and sil have whatever funeral they want, you will have the memories of seeing her alive.