The others are in various stages of AD. She doesn't know who she is or where she is at times then is cognizant and wondering why she's in this 'awful place' with these people. She gets to interact with the ALF residents and partake in activities but has to eat her meals and live in the memory care unit as she forgets to lock her brakes on her walker and sometimes forgets to use it. Is there another type of place she could go to where maybe they group the people in memory care so that those in similar stages are together rather than my mom's current situation? She's not able to live in ALF but not fully ready for the memory care. I'm at a loss. She often asks me if she's going to end up like the others. She has dementia, not AD.
Memory Units are definitely not the best choice for every kind of dementia.
Do you think that your mother might be better off in a skilled nursing facility? There will be MANY people with dementia there, but also others without that disease. She may find interacting with others a little less confusing there. And they are staffed (as an ALF might not be) to deal with residents who forget their walkers or to lock their wheelchairs.
My husband, who had Lewy Body Dementia, was able to remain at home. If I had to place him in a care center it would not have been a memory unit. My mother has dementia (not AD) and she is content in a nursing home.
Is your mother's behavior disturbing to other residents? Does she wander in and out of other people's rooms? Is she a wandering risk? Why is she in a memory unit?
Memory care staff anticipate that a resident may not remember to come to the dining hall and may forget to use a fork and take measures to see that doesn't happen. They know how to gently support the resident. Plus, there is security. Even residents who say they love the place and don't want to leave can suddenly change their mind and decide to go for a stroll around the grounds without supervision.
I recognize your concern about a memory care facility. I was a little startled when I went for a visit to one, but now that I have a loved one in a NON memory care facility.....I see that she needs memory care. This is just from my experience.
My 94 yo mother is doing fine on the first floor of her nursing home, and has no need to move to the second floor "dementia" unit. I was talking to a woman last night who recalled how much better her father did when moved from memory care to regular assisted living. It is a case-by-case decision.