I had to have my mother involuntarily committed last April 2016. She did not get released until May 20, 2016, due to refusing her meds. She only took her meds to get out. Due to being involuntarily committed she cannot own guns. At her release her doctor said she could live on her own. As soon as she got out she stopped taking her meds. She refused to go to her follow up appointment. She has been accusing me of begging for money on the streets, my husband beating me, losing my job and the list is endless. I call her twice a day and usually see her at least 3 days a week. She says she wants me to live with her since my house is so dangerous. Before my aunt died she would go to her house looking for me and would not leave. One day my aunt called me at work and said she didn't realize until her neighbor called that my mom's car had been in front of her house since 10:00 that morning. My aunt had looked around and couldn't find her. This was at 2:00 in the afternoon. I found her on my waty to my aunt's house lying jn someone's yard. Christmas night she was in front of her house trying to flag down a car to take her to the hospital because she thought I was there dying. I have been told repeatedly I do not have enough to show sge is a danger to herself or others to have her committed again.
She refuses to go to assisted living. Living with my husband and myself is not an option because of the things she says he has done. Tonight once again she thinks I am in the hospital. I love her dearly but I do not know what to do.
Does she ever have lucid (non-delusional) periods? Is there ever a time you can talk to her rationally?
When you show up or talk to her on the phone and report that you aren't in the hospital, aren't sick, etc. etc. -- what is her reaction?
Sometimes there is really nothing that can be done, but if there are drugs that could make this better for her it is extremely sad she refuses them.
Have you been in touch with her Doctor? Clearly, her noncompliance with her meds and treatment changes the idea that she can live on her own. She needs to be in a sheltered, supportive environment that assures that her meds are being given, and taken.
2. Was APS involved the last time she was committed? I think calling them would be a good step to take. She is a vulnerable person who needs support.
3. When she is on meds, is there any understanding on her part that she is suffering from a severe mental illness?
Just another example of how our misguided laws support the civil rights of the DISEASE!
Do you have medical POA? If so, maybe a new physician will give you diagnosis of dementia and/or delusional, etc and a letter of incompetency that supports your POA.
This will allow you to place mom.
If you don't have POA, you can either:
1. File with court for guardianship
2. Contact neighbors, family, police dept. and advise all to call 911 or APS every time they see mom out doing something unusual, unsafe, period.
I had a POA--same craziness where couldn't get a dr to write a letter even with dementia diagnosis and unhealthy unsafe behaviors. I finally did #2 and APS got involved when I stepped away from rescuing mom. I was in constant contact with APS and others and let them know they were helping me build a case to help mom and I had exhausted everything else. It took awhile, but worked and APS actually got mom placed so family could take it from there. Mom is thriving and loving memory care. I'm loving the relief.
Good luck and be persistent. Mom is crazy and her behavior is dangerous to herself, she needs professional help.
She says I am delusional and will not accept the fact that my husband has left me for another woman. At one point she said he was living in Costa Rica. Even though she has been to the house looking for me while I was at work and he answered the door. We work different shifts.
I am reluctant to involve APS because I work in a different part of DHHR but we are all in the same building. It would basically be involving a co-worker. I am not sure how that would play out. I do know the supervisor of APS personally. Maybe I could talk to her about the situation.
What happens if you respond to her delusions with " oh mom, that must be so scary for you. I'm taking care of myself. I'm dealing with it".? Or something neutral like that?
When my mom was in a spiral of self-neglect, I researched every option. Including her county's version of APS. The FAQs on their website gave me pause. This organization's main priority, it seemed, was to seek out first-line relatives. And charge them with neglect if a case was opened and the elder and/or situation failed to improve.
It's bad enough that society issues the informal mandate of, "The daughter has a pulse and a car. It's all on her." If that regressive thinking is policy (in your mom's county or state), you need to be very careful.
To be fair, I did not call that APS-type bureau and probe any further. Perhaps they would have worked with me, like they did with SunFlo. But the langauge on the county's website gave no indication that they would work WITH relatives. But they were pretty clear about working against them. 😐
She just this week has quit going to her beautician because she feels her beautician doesn't want to do her hair anymore. She used to line dance at the Commission on Aging but now doesn't because she feels they don't like her.
She thinks my father has died and came back to life three times. My cousin used to try to help me with Mom and take her places but Mom is mad at her because Mom thinks he came back and remarried and my cousin went to the wedding. She also thinks Dad took money from Mom's bank account and gave it to my cousin.
She also hears voices which she says are cb's coming in on her electronics. I have put filters on everything. No one hears these cb's but Mom. They are the ones telling her all of my alleged activities. She told me Friday night she heard I had a bunch of men at my house. She still refuses to believe my husband and I are together and has tried to physically restrain me from leaving her house. She says I need to stay with her until I get my life straightened out.
It is a tough situation. I do try to calm her but sometimes she is beyond calming down.