Yesterday we learned that several of her church members, who have been picking her up on Sundays for services, bought her a tablet computer and internet access. She didn't want us to know about it. Hubby went to visit her this morning, and then had a chat with the director. She has been telling everyone that we are holding her prisoner there, stealing her money. Director said that these church members are going to take her to an attorney and overturn the POA because we are mistreating her. She is trying to get credit cards again - she LIVED on credit cards before she broke her hip last summer (credit is frozen, thankfully), wanting to quit meds and take supplements again, etc. There are limited funds in her account until we can get her house sold. She is nearly broke due to poor money management and all those credit cards we paid off and cancelled.
Is it time to ask for an incompetency hearing, or hand the finances over to the attorney and let him deal with everything? My husband and I are ready to throw in the towel.
And it's true I haven't met many stupid clergymen or women. Possibly I just haven't sought enough spiritual guidance.
Pam as I understand it the cared-for lady's funds are already in hand, no? So if the congregants are just out to pinch her money they've wasted a perfectly good tablet computer, then. I suspect they've rushed in where angels fear to tread and swallowed her nasty stories about her son whole and without chewing them over first.
Scroll up to the top of this page and on the right is a tab, Money and Legal. There are excellent articles and information there. Handing the finances over to the attorney may be the way to go but then your MIL will just accuse the attorney of stealing from her. You can't win either way.
Are you sure she doesn't have dementia?
I'd also advise calling the attorney she's likely to use (probably the one who drew up the one in place) and tell him you're having her evaluated for dementia, and that her church friends may be facilitating her (in good faith) to change her POA. You have now put HIM, at least, on notice that your MIL may not be competent. I'd say he's going to have a hard time drawing up a new POA while that diagnosis is pending.
Would she be interested in going to a new church? Is there a pastor at the AL that can spend more time with her?
Other than that, nothing you can do. I would tell her in no uncertain terms that if she removes you from POA and continues to lie about you to others that you will no longer visit or care for her, that lack of trust will sever your relationship; then stay away for awhile and refuse calls. I've had to do that with my mom as she has attempted to hold me hostage with Will and POA threats. I encourage her to call the lawyer and do it and kiss me goodbye. These are all idle threats from her. It has curtailed her threats and saying bad things to me or others. In fact she hasn't done it in a while.
Countrymouse, I envy you living in a world where people who belong to churches are always well-intentioned and pastors are always smart enough to see through murky situations. Wish I did.
Jellybean, if MIL is found to be incompetent your husband may be able to become her guardian. (The church may fight you on that ...) I would think long and hard about whether I wanted that responsibility. If you do, fine, problem solved. If she is not judged incompetent or you do not want to be her guardian, then I suppose she'll go to her lawyer and have a new POA named.
In any case, it sounds like determining her competency (in the legal sense) is the first step. And that will involve getting medical opinions.
She had four credit cards with large balances when she fell and broke her hip. We used the time that she was in rehab to pay off those balances so she could start with a clean slate when she got out of rehab, moved her into a nice little ground floor apartment with all her treasures. 17 days later, the Life Alert folks called us and said she was not responding after she pushed the panic button. She had had a series of seizures and laid in the hallway for five hours before she roused enough to push the button for help. Then we learned that she had stopped taking her anti seizure meds, her blood pressure meds, and her insulin as soon as she got out of rehab.
It was then that we felt she needed to be in assisted living. She has less than $16K left in annuity funds, and even though there is some social security and a small pension, those two checks are not enough to pay the monthly fee at the facility. We are afraid the money won't last until we can sell her house for her.
Her name is only on two small accounts that receive the direct deposits from Social Security and the pension; then we transfer them into the operating account that her name is not on, and pay all bills from there. The attorney and accountant advised us to do that when we had to withdraw her annuity funds in order to pay her bills.