My mother is 84 and was living with her younger boyfriend. (Texas). He owned a house and car. About a month ago he fell down their stairs and died. There is a will giving everything to his brother Tom. There were no provisions in the will for my mother. Tom is now staying at the house and started moving things out. My mother refuses to leave. My sister and I have taken her to look at places and she hates them all. All 3 of her children prefer she live in a Independent Living Facility. We have chosen a new beautiful facility. Mom has fought with everyone and has even hit Tom. We are thinking of renting the apartment and just taking her there and say "this is where you live now" while having Tom change the locks on the house. She has mild cognitive problems but we aren't sure if there is enough there to get conservatorship. Does anyone have any suggestions?
She calls "friends" all day who will agree with what she wants, if you disagree she won't talk to you.
Then proceed as you’ve already planned.
If you’re concerned about her “feelings” or her opinion of moving, you already know that she doesn’t plan to leave, but there is no kindness in pretending that she has any option to stay.
If there is some small furniture, trimmings and keepsakes, move them to her new quarters first, so that she’ll have something familiar when the change is made.
If you think it will be helpful, ask her doctor if a small dose of soothing medication may make the transition easier. If possible do the medication trial before “moving day”.
Then pick a day, and execute. This will NOT be easy for her, but YOUR alternatives are well defined.
If she is just good at covering up how bad her cognitive issues are, being removed by the police after another assault could tip her over the edge. You would need to be ready to document her at her worst of you think you will need to pursue conservatorship.
Can you use these angles to work on her?
She also suddenly finds herself homeless. Whew!
Obviously, she doesn’t want to leave and considers this residence her home.
Her SO did not plan for her to live in the home after his death.
He made that perfectly clear by leaving the property to his brother.
Of course, this makes the situation difficult to deal with.
My cousin is in a similar situation. She has been living with her SO for many years.
He is divorced and has made it known to her that he never plans to remarry.
He has two grown children from his first marriage.
The children will inherit his home, but he stipulated in his will that my cousin is allowed to live in the home until her death.
My cousin is concerned that his children will contest the will, should he die first.
If they would win the case, she would have to leave the home that she loves.
Many say that marriage is just a piece of paper, well if you are in a community property state and I see by your profile that you are, then that piece of paper means a lot.
On the flip side, I know women that won’t remarry after divorcing because they want to leave money to their children. Some don’t want to trust prenups.
Forget inheritances for a moment, living expenses such as assisted living facilities cost a bundle. Money should be spent on their own living expenses before thinking of leaving it for the kids.
These situations are complicated to say the least.
Do you know how the brother will proceed?
I am sure that he doesn’t want to be hit by her or share a home with her. I doubt that he would even rent it to her.
I feel sorry for both of them. It’s his house that his brother left to him. He doesn’t owe anything to your mom.
Your mom is fortunate to have children that care for her and took the time to find a new place and she would be better off living in a community that caters to seniors.
Laws are crazy! I wish that it was cut and dry and he could ask her to leave so she would move forward to live in a suitable environment in her remaining years, leaving him to inherit his brother’s home without any further complications.
Being a resident and squatters rights are ridiculous. Just like laws concerning swimming pools.
A person can walk onto your property, climbing fences and so on, basically trespassing and if they drown in your pool, then you are responsible!
That’s crazy and those laws are antiquated and should be changed.
Best of luck getting your mom to move.