Hi there, my mother is 74 and recovering well physically from a CVA in late June. However, her cognitive function as been affected by the stroke and she is experiencing moderate to severe memory loss, inability to reason and making decisions that compromise her safety, and our property. She has lived with my husband and I for nearly 6 years under better, but still stressful circumstances. She is able to do her ADL cares, but needs prompting to eat, take her meds and stay hydrated. She also suffers from type II diabetes and kidney issues. We are tired and would love to have our home back, but worried she would be unable to care for herself properly in her own apartment. We live in California and Assisted living is extremely expensive! What to do? Maybe she would be ok on her own? Help!
Do you have durable PoA for her? I hope she has all her legal ducks in a row.
Find an acceptable, local facility that has a continuum of care (from AL to MC to hospice) and make sure they accept Medicaid. Get her into one even if she has to start out with private pay. Otherwise, Medicaid recipients will be on a waiting list and who knows how long that will be. She will use up the money that she was hopefully saving for this purpose. Not sure what the Medicaid threshold is in your state but the app processing usually takes at least 3 months. When she is close to using up all her assets, then apply for her. The NH cannot kick her out when she goes on Medicaid. She will receive the same care as private pay residents, only she will be in a shared room. My MIL is on Medicaid in a wonderful place.
You are obviously in fear of this woman still. Don't be. Do what's right for yourselves and for her, which means a facility that will take care of her properly and give you privacy, rest and peace of mind. Don't fear the resistance from her -- she is no longer capable of understanding why she can't live on her own. Don't waste any time or energy pandering to something that cannot be. It's a dumpster fire that will eventually land in your lap, so take care of it now. Wishing you peace in your heart and confidence in your decisions.
Someone told me, you just have to let them go if that is what they want. The more you try to talk someone with cognitive issues out of living alone the more the resist and the more they showtime with people who encourage them to do what they want to do.
Meanwhile, it's almost an oxymoron for them to live independently if they are having help getting to that point and having help maintaining that independence. Just my opinion.
Hope it all works out for you.
I suppose a facility would be best in order to have 24/7 care for her. Otherwise what choice do you have other than hiring caregivers to stay with her which would become quite expensive.
I hope you find the solution that is best for everyone. Good luck in being able to get her to cooperate. If not, simply tell her there are limited options.
She may have to apply for Medicaid and move into a facility since assisted living is above her budget.
Would she qualify for veteran benefits? Was her spouse a veteran that served during war time? They may be able to offer financial assistance and then she can possibly afford an assisted living facility.