He is in the Nursing Home 30 minutes away from me. I am the only one visiting him. All his siblings are in another State. He often calls and said “are you leaving me here to die?” “I want to get out of here”
His dementia is progressing over time.
He still thinks that he is providing care to patients as he used to. I would love to take him out of the Nursing Home but, I don’t know where to start.
I am open to any suggestions.
Thanks,
Shows how you can still be caring & loving yet realistic & practical too.
Trust me, dementia progresses to where you cannot care for him at home, and then you'd have to but him back in a home which would be far more traumatic for him. Dementia patients need consistency and familiar surroundings.
Talk to him in his world. If he thinks he's still treating patients, ask him about his cases. It doesn't matter if it's true or not, because he's talking about what's real to him. That adds reassurance for him if you go along with his version of reality.
Why does no one else want much to do with him? The “you’re just going to leave me to die” is a gullt tactic on his part. You had nothing to do with placing him there.
At what point were you given power of attorney?
With two children and a full-time job you would have to be off your rocker to attempt taking on the 24/7 care of your uncle. If he isn't happy where he is, or if you aren't happy with the quality of care, look for other options - but your family home can't be one of them.
Caring for someone in his condition requires skilled care. Are you planning to hire for this care, 24/7?
I don't think that you understand what this entails, read around this site, many have tried to do what you are considering and are physical & emotional wrecks.
Good Luck!
If the nursing home allows this, remember you will see different nurses/aids every 8 or 12 hours, as those employees go home to rest up for the next day shift. You will see how your Uncle is in the morning, if he is agreeable to use the bathroom, for getting dress, etc. Then you can witness how he is when eating. Then how he acts the rest of the morning until lunch time.
And how many times the Staff needs to take him to the bathroom. And how cooperative he is when it is time for his shower, and if it takes two Staff employees to shower him.
You get to see if your Uncle wanders at night, trying to get out of the facility. And how easy/hard it is to get him back into his bed. He may cooperate or he may become defensive. And how many bathroom breaks he needs. Or is he now in the Depend garment stage?
There is a lot to learn about dementia. It's like a person is going back in time and they become child like, but dealing with a 200 lb toddler won't be easy.
Just food for thought.
A *Care Trial* is the best dose of reality - that a heart of gold is not enough.
Tell the nursing home, you're taking him home for a week long visit.
By the way, you will be 100% responsible if anything happens to him.
Please report back after you try.
If OP has POA, what kind of POA is it? Durable? Medical? Both?
Does OP know how POA works? Is it activated?
How did the ex put him in a nursing home if she didn't have POA?
What happened to his half of the money from the home sale? If he's incompetent, how did she get away with selling the house?
Has OP talked to the administration of the nursing home and asked how his ex-wife was able to admit him? What did his doctors say about him being admitted?
OP needs to return and answer these questions, because this doesn't add up at all.
Elders are always pulling out the guilt card to use on others when they're actually living in the proper environment. Be sad for the disease he is suffering from, but not for the fact he's being cared for by a whole team of people.
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