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Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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D, I see that your wife has dementia, and that she cannot hear or see well, but that you remain active and are still driving at 85. What sort of home care are you wishing to have in? I think if she will not consider "personal care" such as bathing and dressing, that is one thing, and you may need to remain in charge of that until the time comes for placement. But if the care you are asking for is basically watching over her safety so you can do your chores, the caregivers perhaps doing light cooking and cleaning, you can order that care for YOU, and your wife needn't be involved other than notification that your wife is there and what her condition is. Do you think that would work, and would it help you at all? I am also thinking that, at some point, the care of a blind and hard or hearing wife who has dementia may come to be too much for you to do at home? Have you given any thought at all to the eventual need for placement, or to your mind is that O-U-T, out? I surely do wish you the best. ing you the best and hoping to hear back from you.
Thanks for your ideas, my wife can see she can't speak or hear. She still can do the personal things, it's the safety part in the kitchen and everywhere in the house that's needs my attention. She leaves lights on, stove on, water running,refiigerator doors open, and doesn't understand my notes to her. I like the idea about ordering the help for me rather than for her. I have look at some memory centers and they are depressing. Her diagnosis is PPA, primary progressive Aphasia a rare form of dementia. Thanks again, Dick
dkeilt, my Mom [96] was the same way, as both Dad and she needed caregivers to help them with daily life. There was nothing we could say to convince her this was in her best interest. Even her primary doctor tried.
I even tried a trial run of having a caregiver in their house. Mom was like a hornet, she didn't want another female in her house. And the caregiver told me that Mom was having bitter fights with my Dad about this situation. The caregivers lasted less than 3 days. Sadly I had to wait for a medical emergency with Mom [serious fall], hospitalization, rehab, and Mom eventually moving into Long Term Nursing.
This situation is not uncommon, many of us here had gone through the same problem. There is no fool proof answer.
You say in your profile that your wife has dementia, and can't hear or speak, so she no longer gets to make any decisions about her care and who comes and who doesn't, as her brain is now broken. That is now all on you and you must do what you know in your heart is best for your wife and for you. Make the appointment for the agency to come and just don't tell her. Let them come in and do what they must. They may just be a Godsend for you and for her, so quit allowing her to rule the roost, when she can no longer. You can do it!
How can she keep them out? According to your profile she has dementia and cannot hear or speak. How do you know she understands the situation? Do what you know needs to be done, even if she has some objections. If you don't let them in how will each of you get the help that you feel you need?
I agree. No reputable agency will "assess" someone uncooperative. I am hoping more to get help for D., so he can do the hands on care of his wife for so long as he is able, and to encourage him to get help for himself, such as housekeeping, cooking, simply watching his wife to keep her safe while he makes short and nearby shopping expeditions, but perhaps even that later won't work without assessment.
We did an intervention with my mom. My sister, her husband, and her adult grandchildren sat down and voiced our concerns about not being able to meet her needs. We stayed we wanted to keep her home as long as possible and we needed help in order to do this. We emphasized that the in home care would be help for us to meet her needs.
Somehow, you must persuade her, to let you do this, because without knowing the details of your situation, it's possible that either they come in the house, or she leaves it. If it comes down to that, put the emphasis on you advocating that she remains at home. (if that's the case, which I'm guessing it is)
I don't expect this to be easy, little in caregiving ever is.
In-Home Care or Day Care. These often are the choices.
Because regardless of what your wife doesn't WANT, it is NEEDED. .
It is not possible or reasonable for you to do absolutely everything: all the housework, cooking (or pre-made meal heating) shopping.
Also, sometimes you will just need to go out alone. Just to get a haircut! Or meet up with a friend.
Unfortunately, with dementia, reasoning to understand all this goes.
Having a regular 'sitter' works for many people. Then you get a regular slot of time to go out, sit in your local cafe or park on a nice day. 'Self-care' they call it. It's important too.
One suggestion is to explain to her the help is for YOU. That YOU want a cleaning person to mop & vac, change the bed linen. Then once they are IN, trust can hopefully be built on & more tasks added.
This has worked in my family. I wish you luck & success.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I am also thinking that, at some point, the care of a blind and hard or hearing wife who has dementia may come to be too much for you to do at home? Have you given any thought at all to the eventual need for placement, or to your mind is that O-U-T, out?
I surely do wish you the best.
ing you the best and hoping to hear back from you.
I even tried a trial run of having a caregiver in their house. Mom was like a hornet, she didn't want another female in her house. And the caregiver told me that Mom was having bitter fights with my Dad about this situation. The caregivers lasted less than 3 days. Sadly I had to wait for a medical emergency with Mom [serious fall], hospitalization, rehab, and Mom eventually moving into Long Term Nursing.
This situation is not uncommon, many of us here had gone through the same problem. There is no fool proof answer.
Make the appointment for the agency to come and just don't tell her. Let them come in and do what they must. They may just be a Godsend for you and for her, so quit allowing her to rule the roost, when she can no longer.
You can do it!
Dkeilt, could you describe how the negotiations have gone so far? What's been said, and who has visited, and how has your wife responded?
I don't expect this to be easy, little in caregiving ever is.
These often are the choices.
Because regardless of what your wife doesn't WANT, it is NEEDED. .
It is not possible or reasonable for you to do absolutely everything: all the housework, cooking (or pre-made meal heating) shopping.
Also, sometimes you will just need to go out alone. Just to get a haircut! Or meet up with a friend.
Unfortunately, with dementia, reasoning to understand all this goes.
Having a regular 'sitter' works for many people. Then you get a regular slot of time to go out, sit in your local cafe or park on a nice day. 'Self-care' they call it. It's important too.
One suggestion is to explain to her the help is for YOU.
That YOU want a cleaning person to mop & vac, change the bed linen. Then once they are IN, trust can hopefully be built on & more tasks added.
This has worked in my family.
I wish you luck & success.