How do I prevent an elderly loved one from wandering out of the house at night?
We live about five minutes away from our loved one (90 years old with dementia). Lately, she has been getting out of bed and wandering outside around the early morning hours (midnight, 3 AM, etc.). Luckily, the apartment building she lives in has security guards that notice her and bring her back home. We visit her several times a day (as she needs us to come by to give her medicine and cook her meals) so we have the key to her place.
My question is: what can I do prevent her from wandering out at night? She lives in a rented apartment so I don't think we can start drilling locks into the door frames. I'd like some sort of system where it can lock or jam the door if she tries to open it from the inside but allows us to disable it from the outside or at least come in easily when we do need to visit.
We've tried the monitoring technology but she doesn't like wearing anything on her wrist or on her neck and ends up taking it off herself. Besides, monitoring technology only tells us that she's been wandering but doesn't prevent her from doing so.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
But let's say you do lock her in overnight. What happens when she tries the door to get out and it won't open? Will she stand there pulling on the door knob trying to get out? Will she panic and throw something at the door to get it to open? Will she break a window?
While your heart's in the right place, locking your loved one inside at night is not only risky but is on par with physically restraining her.
Once someone begins to wander it's time to look for alternative living arrangements such as a skilled nursing facility. Otherwise it's just a tragic accident waiting to happen.
My Dad had sundowning, so he would get confused at night. It was then that the Staff recommended Dad move from their Independent Living section over to their Memory Care. It was a hard decision as I didn't think my Dad was ready for that, but the Staff was around Dad a lot more than I was, so I agreed.
I showed Dad one of the rooms in Memory Care, and joked with him that it is the size of a college dorm. His main concern was the food going to be prepared by the same chef, and I said yes... that sealed the deal :)
The timing was good because I was starting to worry about Dad leaving the Independent Living on his own. Now he was in a secured building, the place was built like a Victorian Hotel so it didn't feel like he was being jailed. Dad could roam all over the building but he couldn't go out the front door.
A few years back there was an older couple in my area who locked their adult disabled son in their home while they ran a quick errand to the store. The house caught fire and the son died. The older couple were charged with manslaughter.
Sorry to be so graphic and grim - but it happens. Don't let it happen to you!
I'm now caring for my mom, who has dementia, and is a flight risk. Do not leave her alone at night, please.
I will keep mom home for as long as possible, hopefully to the end. But I am realistic about it as well. The night aide has been a life saver. But I still put double deadbolt locks on the doors, meaning they are keyed on both the inside and outside. I have the keys located by the doors (inside and outside) so everyone can grab the key quickly, but where mom can't get to it. I still have door sensors on all the doors leading to the outside, but my goal is to prevent incidents from happening. So the deadbolts prevent her from getting outside, but the keys are readily available to whoever is with mom. Mom is never left alone, she has someone with her 24/7. Best of luck. Take care of yourself.
If you don't want to move her, you could try hiring an overnight caregiver and see how that goes. The person would have to be trained in dementia behaviors.
Wandering is dangerous to an individual with dementia. Read the horror stories. You would feel terrible if she met with danger while wandering.
This is a serious problem-find a solution before she comes to harm.
Seems like you need an aide at this point or an assisted living with a dementia wing that is locked.
I wish you the best!
Even with you nearby, your elderly loved one can no longer safely live alone. A nighttime caregiver is not enough. While the wandering so far has been at night, there is nothing to prevent wandering at any time of the day or night. You might visit, leave at 2:30 pm, and she goes out wandering at 2:40 -- which you discover at your next visit at 4:00 pm.
Dementia is a sad and cruel disease, hurting those who have it and those who love them. The sad truth here is that your loved one can no longer live alone. She needs 24 hour supervision, preferably from three shifts of rested, trained people who have immediate backup if they need it, and in a secure environment.
A door alarm would wake you when she goes traveling. I think you mentioned Assisted Living - have you asked them what they suggest?
For wanderers with dementia who live with someone, a door alarm is a good idea.
A few years ago there was a great to-do about an elderly couple who lived on a farm in my state. She had dementia and wandered day or night. There are lots of dangers on a farm that person with reduced mental capacity wouldn't be safe around. The husband used a bicycle chain over his wife and in his hand as they sat in side-by-side chairs watching television. Then in case he dozed off he would know when his wife was getting up. The chain did not restrain her -- it was just a way to notify him she was up. Well someone reported this, the sheriff came, saw the arrangement, took the husband off to jail (!) and the wife to a care center. You can imagine the outcry when this hit the papers! Within a couple of days the couple was reunited at their home, and social services got involved to provide them lots of help. The newspaper accounts urged other older people who were having health challenges to get in touch with social services!
An alarm on every door would have been better than a bicycle chain for this rural couple.
Good that they live in a closed building.
We also put stick on battery operated alarms on each door. The sound caught their attention (and you can tell them it sends a signal to the security company, there is no company, but they don't know that).
Putting more than one on the same door can make enough noise to really startle them, and get their attention. (Home depot, Lowes, etc have them inexpensively).
Also many police departments participate in 'Project Lifesaver' and provide a hard to remove wrist band with a rfid type thing that allows them to track and find a missing person, but also if they are found wandering, they scan it and can get all of their info, including the family contact info in an instant.
I know these are only temporary protective layers at this point as your loved one seems to be progressing to the state of really needing a live in care taker or to move in with family or into assisted living.
It is not an easy decision and transition to make for anyone.