After leaving an ex-boyfriend over 15 years ago, I didn't have anywhere to go so I moved back to my childhood home. As the years went on I noticed the decline in my parents. I so badly wanted to move back out on my own but I felt that I couldn't leave them alone. I saw the decline and reached out to my siblings and told them that I needed help I can't do this all on my own. I was told that we would all sit down and talk about it. WELL that day has come and gone several times.I have already had two heart attacks and have one blockage that needs to be corrected and I don't feel that they take my health issues into consideration at all. I have found myself to get very angry and argumentative at the drop of a dime and they think that I blow things out of control. I have read up on caregiver burnout and have told them they need to do the same. I know that it what I am going through.They are really quick to bring up something that they may have read or call me immediately if they feel that I have done something wrong or not the way that they would have done it. Which in turn causes a lot of the arguments.I am presently looking for somewhere to move as I need to get myself back I lost myself through this process and I don't put myself first I always take the back seat. I don't know what to do and i am actually afraid to move out because I don't think that my parents will be attended to.
Has anyone gone through this or is going through this and what advice or help can you give me. I just feel lost and alone all of the time and I joined a gym over a year ago figuring that it would be my time for me but its sad to say that I never went once because when I did leave the house my phone would ring that my dad had an accident in the bathroom and I had to get home right away to clean it up.
So now I was told that I have to make sure that my parents have the care they need before I even think of moving. WHY JUST ME???
Lastly sorry to tell my whole life story but with my Mom she is very argumentative and when I speak to her politely she snaps back at me and calls me an FN BEEP and get the F out of my house.
IM LOSING MYSELF MORE AND MORE EVERYDAY.....
Since it seems they need 24 hour care , a facility may be the best way to go unless another family member is willing to care for them .
Care for your parents should be paid by your parents , using their funds , and/or selling their house to pay for a facility . If funds run out , Medicaid can pay for SNF care facility .
If you or one of your siblings has POA , and your parents are not competent according to the doctor , POA can place a parent in a care facility . If no one has POA your parents can be assigned a state appointed guardian by the court ..
Save yourself.
Move out.
In whatever order suits you.
To clarify, what do you want your siblings to do, and have you told them directly?
Seems like they aren’t interested in the all-consuming caregiving that’s going on now, and I can’t really blame them (though that’s no excuse for not helping you figure out how to help your parents without losing your own life).
Could your parents sell their home and go into assisted living? Or pay for aides to come in? Can they arrange this themselves or is there cognitive decline?
Obviously, something needs to change and I certainly hope it does soon, for your sake.
Yes I have explained and explained it all. I just want to throw my hands up. I have had enough I always thought that in a situation like this all hands on deck.
I would like to have someone come to the house. They are both homebound my dad more so. The one sister that is the POA of health care does absolutely nothing at all and it makes me cry and sad.
I'm looking into apartments now but I'd don't want my parents to feel like I just left them.
Do you happen to know of any home care services that are dependable and reliable?
Thank you also for your time in responding it meant alot
Renew your gym membership. Use it.
Please move out.
Take care of yourself. You have value.
I would say , for your mental and physical health, move out ASAP. I would advise you to don't tell your siblings, they will cause you much drama, and your going to have enough drama from your parents. After you leave id send a group text to your siblings. Telling them I'm done, mom and dad are alone and give yourself at least a few days to regroup before you have any contact with your parents, and don't worry about your siblings. Just for the time being let them go, until you are healthier.
I've had caregiver burnout, it's horrible, and the thing is much of the time we caused it , to are selves , buy catering to much to are elderly loved ones, so if we brought this burnout on our selves, we can also fix it. That's good news, for you!
I also want to say as far as your siblings, it is everyones right to contribute or not. They have , by not showing up to help you made that decision.
Take care advice, stick around, read what others have said, and I promise, , you can and you will find yourself, if you really want to.
It sounds like your parents own there home, they can go into an assisted living center.
Of course you will worry when you make the move, but as Alvadear says, you did not make them old. They did not plan for there future, you did not cause this!
Best of luck
If yes, I would point out that doing both will be far cheaper and less complicated ON THEM than having to hire aides via agency and/or going into a facility.
What are your parents health issues? Physical issues? Memory issues? Sounds like your parents might need 3-shifts of caregivers each day. That is going to be extremely expensive. Can your parents budget for the cost? My Dad was paying $20k per month for 3-shifts to help him in his home (cost vary depending on where one lives).
Cost wise, if your parents can budget for Independent Living, Assistant Living or if needed Memory Care, it is less expensive then having around the clock caregivers. When my Dad moved to his "rest home", which he loved, the cost was $5k per month, that was a few years ago. If your parents cannot budget for said cost, then have them apply for Medicaid (which is different from Medicare) as medicare will pay for a skilled nursing home. Now, if your parents refuse those ideas, then they made their choice, but you need to leave. Hopefully you have savings so you can move out.