Hello, I'm not sure who is best to speak to about this but I am hoping someone can offer me some advice. A couple of years ago after my grandad died, a large amount of money was found in my grandmas house, the money was collected and given to her, since then it was hidden in her house as she refused to put it in the bank. My dad hid it for her and constantly checked on it for her as we knew a member of the family was looking for it after his wife had told him they had found a large amount of money. Long story short, the money was taken. The police were called but as there was nothing to prove the money was there in the first place and as the thief had removed all finger prints from the location it was hidden there was nothing the police could do. I remember the police officer saying this happens a lot to elderly people when a loved one has passed away. Anyway 2 years later, my grandma has just had her gas and electric money stolen from her top drawer. I know she is silly for not putting it in the bank, I have begged her for years to put it away but I can not physically force her. Is there anyone I can talk to about this? My grandma is too kind hearted and doesn't want to think that someone is taking her money from her from the family, but my dad and I believe someone is, without proof there is nothing we can do about it. Any help would be much appreciated.
What does your grandma say about the money that has been taken from her top drawer just lately? What's her explanation for where it went?
You must have some idea of who's taking the money? You'll probably never get it back but letting the person know that you know they're stealing might curtail their sticky fingers.
Since there's a wolf in sheep's clothing wandering around it's probably prudent not to keep cash in the house. Or at least don't keep more than your grandmother can afford to lose. Most elderly people like to keep a little bit of money on them so give her $10 or $15 to have on hand.
I would advise online banking for your grandmother. She probably wouldn't be able to do it herself but is someone taking care of her bills for her? It might be a good idea to switch to checks and keep the checkbook not hidden but inaccessible. Keep it in a locked box (you can get one at Walmart) and the key outside of the house, maybe with a family member.
I would advise you not to take to hiding cash or a key to a locked box because a thief, especially a thief who would steal from an old lady, will be more clever than you.
A question as well: again, who is getting the money for her, taking her to the bank or doing her banking (if authorized to do so), and is this same person taking her to creditors to make electric, gas, etc. payments?
My Grandma's memory is fine but she is just very stubborn and believes she wouldn't be entitled to a pension if she put money in the bank. The person who told her not to put it in the bank I believe is the person stealing from her who is also my Uncle and not blood related.
The day my Grandad died, my Uncle wanted to put my Grandma in a care home. Her children said no, as my Grandma wouldn't like to be in a care home, apart from being old she is healthy as she can be. When the money was found in the house that had been left from my Grandad my aunty told my uncle about the money, from that moment on he constantly kept asking where the money was and was physically hunting around my Grandmas house for the money. My dad found some money stashed behind a door, my uncle was in the same room as my dad and my dad watched him try to put the money in his pocket, my dad had a go at him and he stopped and made up an excuse saying he was just putting it in his pockets for 'safe keeping'. My dad told his sister about her husband but she was in denial she didn't want to know that her husband had done such a thing. We told my Grandma but she didn't want to believe it either.
But ever since my Grandad has died my uncle has been after everything, my Grandad left me his car and my uncle told me that he should of had the car not me.
My aunty and uncle are the ones that take her to the post office to get her pension money for her and my aunty is also the one who controls all of her bills.
The day her money went missing from her top drawer my uncle had taken her to the hairdressers, he didn't stay with her, so I believe he took that money as well.
There is no proof he has done it but all of these little things just keep adding up and I honestly think he has done it. My dad and his other sister also believe this is the case.
When the police were called the day the large amount of money had gone missing, he told us not to get them involved, when the police turned up he was sweet talking them the whole time trying to make out that my Grandma must of misplaced it. With no finger prints to find there was nothing to pin it on him.
So now yes I know you are all right, i need to make sure she puts it in a bank or set up online banking, but she is refusing us to do it. She knows we think its my uncle and even she agrees she believes it is him now, but she said 'but he takes me to the hairdressers and takes me to get my money out' , i told her i could take her on my lunch breaks at work. She didn't say anything, i just don't think she wants to upset her daughter who is married to my uncle, my Grandma kept telling me 'she is a good girl', I said she isn't a good girl while she is allowing this to happen. My aunty knew money had gone missing but didn't help in anyway and said there is nothing anyone can do about it.
Do you think it's worth me trying to use hidden cameras to try and catch him doing it? I guess then we would have proof who is really stealing the money?
Thank you for your help so far and for talking to me about it
Does someone in the family (tell me it's not Uncle or Wimpy Aunt) who has POA?
I don't find uncle's "story" that he was taking the money for safekeeping unbelievable, to be honest. OP and her father themselves have told grandma not to keep money in the house and grandma's not listening, and is coming up with confused reasons about why she doesn't want to use the bank. I can perfectly well buy that uncle decided not to consult grandma about the cash he found loose in the house and just put the money away - not best practice in terms of respecting grandma's autonomy, but by no means proof of theft.
The most recent incident was that grandma's "gas and electric money" was taken from her top drawer. Nobody pays their utility bills like that any more, not even little old ladies. Aunt is paying her major bills. Wicked Uncle is taking grandma to the hairdresser.
I think what we have is a confused grandma, and Wicked Uncle needs to be persuaded to find a more imaginative and empathetic approach to keeping this elderly lady reassured while also keeping her money safe.
And Lola, if you have serious concerns about how your aunt is managing your grandmother's money, don't you and your father speculate about it behind her back - ask her what the system is and how your grandmother is to be protected.
This is something that stuck out in the original post for me too. It makes me wonder what is really going on and if granny might have hidden the money herself and forgotten.