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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
My mom hates showers. She would not allow anyone to come into the house to help. We even had home health call and try to set up appointments and she refused. It was a constant fight. So I finally just let her go for about two weeks and my brother told her one day when he came to visit that she had a smell. After that she was so mad about what he said that she has agreed to a shower once per week. So for some reason she wants to sponge bath that morning and then she tells me that it won't take as long because she took a sponge bath. So she now lets me shower her and wash her hair after she takes a sponge bath. It works and she gets her shower weekly. We do it every Sunday and I always tell her on Saturday "Tomorrow is shower day". She gets up knocks on my bedroom door tells me that she is taking her sponge bath and she will be ready for her shower. Ok with me. I get to sleep a little longer and then we take the shower. We also have a big breakfast when she comes downstairs and she looks forward to that afterwards. The woman loves to eat.
My mother was the same way! It was heartbreaking to see her filthy and not want to clean-up!...Before she was diagnosed with cancer and passed she told me she was afraid of the water. The water pressure ect...It was like torture. I felt horrible trying to make her shower not knowing or how to even be sympathetic to her issues. Im learning as I go...As I now care for my father full time. This site has helped me cope in so many ways. Just knowing Im not alone and others too wana pull all their hair out makes me feel better! 🤗
Some times when one gets older they get claustrophobic in the shower.... strangely enough that happened to me right after I had major surgery as I had no help with the shower [never knew there was such a thing as a caregiver]. So I had to learn to keep the sliding doors opened a bit, and shower really quickly !!
Anxiety meds such as the Benzodiazepines (Ativan etc) are not like anti depressants, they should work immediately. Sometimes there is no logical reason behind the refusal to shower/bathe, but sometimes there may be something that can be fixed. Have you tried to find out exactly what it is that your mother fears? For example if her worry is about falling that is a legitimate concern that can be addressed by adding grab bars, anti slip mats or decals and a sturdy bath seat with a back rest, all of which will be helpful whether she has a bath aide or not.
Thank you! After I asked this, I did find some information shared from others. It helps to know how common everything I am currently experiencing is pretty much normal in aging people. My mom is 89 and was very much independent, this is why it's so hard. I am definitely going to be a regular on this site. Thank you again....and yes I just finally convinced doctor to give her anxiety medication. I understand it takes a few weeks before they work.
Does she have anxiety in other areas of her life? Perhaps the anxiety could be treated. I agree about the bath aid. There are many posts on this site about bathing issues. Do a search. You'll get many good ideas that have worked for others.
Have her doc write a script for a bath aid. Often elderly will cooperate with someone else more than they will with family members. Or what did she used to do earlier in her life that would motivate her to get cleaned up? Some here have resorted to therapeutic white lies to get cooperation. I remember one caregiver specifically that told her dad that the general would.be arriving for inspection. It worked like a charm. Think outside of the box, find some reason that she would WANT to clean up. You know her best.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Sometimes there is no logical reason behind the refusal to shower/bathe, but sometimes there may be something that can be fixed. Have you tried to find out exactly what it is that your mother fears? For example if her worry is about falling that is a legitimate concern that can be addressed by adding grab bars, anti slip mats or decals and a sturdy bath seat with a back rest, all of which will be helpful whether she has a bath aide or not.