Dad 98, no aches and pains, no trouble walking around, but takes numerous naps and very tired. Depressed attitude he is hoping when he lays down that he won't wake up. I give him small jobs, ie. sweep the porch, he can work for 10 minutes tops. Then gets tired. I try to interest him in different activities. He is just wishing he would pass. Should I call the priest in to pray together and give him the last rights, basically to show him we are getting everything ready? And if God doesn't take him - it's not his time yet. What else can I do to engage him in life
Your father's reaction to life may be more realistic that you can know. You are not yet 98. I hope to goodness I never have to go there. I am 78, able, well, walk daily and am very active, but I am ready, and I do not look forward to a slow inexorable slide down until every single thing is taken from me, including my mind. I am ready to go.
We are not the ones to ask. Your father IS. Ask him if he is sad, if things are hard for him, how he feels. Ask him if he would like to see a Priest (I cannot know how strong his Catholic faith is; I would think he would have long ago asked for a Priest if he wanted to. It isn't about last rites. As you know, those are no longer only for the dying). Ask him if he would like to see a doctor and see if there is some sort of medication that might help him to feel better. Ask him if there are any activities, anything from a ride in the country to sitting out back porch with a beer, that would make him happier. TALK to him. Not to us. Follow your Dad's lead. My father in his early 90s told me he was exhausted with life and ready to go. He hated that my Mom got him up and made him get on scale and eat and go on a walk. He wanted to go, to just be in bed. He told me all about his life, all he loved, the single "bad thing" he did (which was pathetically small). He told me he would do it for my Mom as long as he could. Get up. Try. But he was over it.
There are many choices now with your father. Ask him. Give him your frankness, your honesty. Look at old pictures. Have old memories and a giggle. Let him eat things that are bad for him (Want a bag of chips, Dad).
Wishing you good luck. So sorry for the pain. It is dreadful hard to hear the truth and see what it can be for those we love. You are kind and caring. Just do your best and that will be soooooo good.
Call your dad's priest and ask him if he wold like to pay a visit, preform Last Rites. If your dad would find comfort in it ask if the priest would come every week or every other week. He can pray, talk to your dad and if the priest thinks it is necessary he can preform Last Rites. Or the priest may preform the Anointing of the Sick until he feels that Last Rites are required. He can do both.
If your dad would find comfort in talking or visiting with the priest contact them and ask if they will do a Sick Visit. At this point your dad does not sound like he is at End of Life. He may feel better with some spiritual counseling if that is what he would like.
God bless.
See what you can do to engage/interest him. Your description is also consistent with depression.
Napping is normal for elderly but naps of more than an hour can be detrimental.
Try to help limit his naps by offering interactive activities that appeal to him. Even in these days of Covid, there are still things you can do to entertain him.
Try with short activities, lasting only a few minutes and then slowly increase the time every day.
If he doesn’t read anymore, maybe you could read to him. What was his favorite book as a young man? Even a couple pages, with a short discussion may be engaging.
Could he focus enough to play checkers or a simple card game?
If his interest span is too short and he can’t concentrate on a game, try TV.
Instead of Forcing him to endure current shows. Short clips of programs from the internet that he connected with and enjoyed as a younger man. Johnny Carson? Lawrence Welk? Frazier? Married with Children? My Three Sons? See if you can pull out a laugh or a smile. Bob Ross (TV artist) may be enjoyable. He may pretend to be ignoring the TV at first.
If your dad liked to drive, take him on drives while playing music from his era. Satellite radio took Mom back and made her so happy. Maybe you could get him a treat along the way or at the end.
You could also take him to see (or Zoom with) a psychiatrist that specializes in senior care. A low dose antidepressant, or even a visit where he can talk about “his problems and fears” with someone fresh may help him greatly.
If he is then not quite ready for those last rites but feels inspired by religion, ask clergy or other congregational assistants to Zoom and pray with him. It’s not quite the same as an in-person visit, but that attention from someone different may help.
In addition, please consider a doctor appointment. His tiredness and activity intolerance are symptoms of health issues. The doctor can decide if her needs a mental health referral for depression.
like Acaring daughter suggested
tv, card games (simple like go fish just for fun)dominoes, bingo or music that he liked. Adult coloring is a great stress reliever.
It may be mild depression , very common in that age group
Its great that he can walk and do small jobs at his age.
Be positive and use humor .
Try to help him feel life is still worth living. Tell him how much you appreciate him and are happy to have his company
Have the priest visit to just talk .
My dad passed at 92 .Many problems within 2 years. Lost his independence quickly. I never thought that could happen so quickly. He enjoyed our visits and any music activities at the facility.
Hope everything works out for you and your dad
Best
if different activities and approaches don’t work maybe his doctor can recommend an antidepressant.
We will be getting new caregiver - he loves cards and will have fun teaching her sevens.
Then I will visit in 3 months to see progress.
He may be "waiting" for God to take him but he sure sounds like he is not going to open the door and invite him in!