My father has dementia and is getting more confused so some of his responsibilities were taken away at his place of worship, which I understand it had to be done. I just feel so bad for him. He’s taking it pretty hard. I know he’s in denial about his dementia so he might not see his memory getting worse or understand why this happened to him. Anything I can say to him to ease the pain?
Perhaps you could frame it in that way for your dad.
Then try a rousing chorus of "Teach me, my God and King" to remind him that even the smallest contribution to worship is of value in God's eyes.
How was it handled by the congregation's officials? I hope they were sensitive to his feelings?
- Greeting
- Cleaning
- Organizing
- Gardening, groundskeeping
- Support the staff of different ministries (making snacks for kids, help build/create props for plays, decorating for the holidays, writing Thank You notes, etc)
- Kitchen help (food prep, clearing tables)
Every little bit of help he provides is so appreciated by others. My mom is not a member or our church, and doesn't even call herself a Christian but over the years she has graciously sewn costumes for the kid's plays, helped me put up decorations, pulled weeds in the garden and helped me prep and deliver food to the sick. She is now 91 and still helps with some of those things and she feels great doing it. Your dad could maybe be a Senior Ambassador if your church has a congregational care ministry but he may not like being "reminded" of what is coming his way. Visiting and bringing food and little gifts to shut-ins or NH residents is a precious contribution. I wish you all the best in helping him through this change.
Remind him of GODS words and that there is a season for all things, this is the season for him to lose and cast away. Help him mourn the loss of what he obviously loved and encourage him to seek what he should be doing now. Sometimes we are not open to new things because we are wrapped up in what we have always done. The Lord knows what HE is doing, tell dad that he is in HIS keeping and to keep his eyes open for what is next, it is surely going to be a blessing whatever it is.
When I worked in a Memory Care ALF before the plague hit, we had a resident who was allowed to come into the lobby to torture the receptionists every day. She, too, was 'perfectly fine' and was living there for NO GOOD REASON, dontcha know? No matter that she'd repeat herself literally 100x in 10 minutes. The OTHERS were all stupid idiots, morons, and about 1000 other horrible names she'd attach to the residents, same as my mother does.
Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Your father is not likely to accept his limitations. He should be able to go to his place of worship and still be an active member of the church without having responsibilities he's no longer capable of carrying out. You are not going to be able to convince him that what happened SHOULD have happened, or that it proper to have his responsibilities taken away, so all you can do is AGREE with him and commiserate over the unfortunate event. Perhaps he can hand out prayer books or greet people at the door, I don't know.
What makes the whole mess even MORE difficult to deal with is denial, in my opinion. It just takes things to a whole new level of frustration for all involved, so you have my condolences.
If you can't help him, find out who took over his tasks and ask if he could participate with the process. Even if they toss out the work he did, he would still feel active in the duties.
When my dads health went down, (he doesn’t have dementia)he gave up his positions of Deacon, Trustee, and Sunday School teacher, so other younger men could have a chance to serve. He was sad, but, glad to step aside. The church honored him with a plaque with appreciation for his service, Maybe, you dads church could honor him that way, with covid precautions.
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