What steps must I take immediately after my mother passes?

Is this your Mom's home you are living in? Will your Mom be leaving this home to you? Has she been on Medicaid so she will have that to pay back at death? Does she have other assets she will be leaving you?
You will not have to leave the home at once. The funeral should be down to a cremation as that is likely what you can afford.
Did you leave a job to care for Mom and sell a home of your own? Often forum sees people who leave jobs and homes to care for elders end just here, jobless without a history of working and homeless.
I can't think of a way to help you other than to wait and see what assets you may have on Mom's passing if she owned her home; she may not have as you say you cannot pay the rent. You don't mention your age. I would suggest you call your area Agency on Aging. Look it up online. Tell them your circumstances, and your Mom's, and ask for any help or guidance they may be able to give you.
Ask Hospice for guidance on any Funeral Services that are very low cost in your area. Explain your circumstances to them. They have counsel, clergy, social workers, and I suggest you access any and all for help now, and guidance about what best to try in your own area.
I am so sorry. You must feel very desperate.

Dear Artist69 - I’m sorry that your Mom is failing and for the circumstance you find yourself in.

Try sharing your predicament with the social worker from hospice as she may have resources for you. I can only imagine that others have found themselves in similar circumstances.

If you belong to a church, try reaching out to the priest, pastor or minister as the church community may be able to help somehow.

In addition, I have heard that in some states and areas rent is being deferred due to the pandemic. I’m sorry that I don’t know the details, but maybe you would qualify.

Have you considered bringing in a roommate to contribute to the rent? Possibly one of the several people you mentioned that currently live in your relative’s home? Maybe one would like to move out of that congested living arrangement and move in with you?

Best wishes to you at this difficult time.

First, I am sorry for what you are going through and facing. It's a lot for sure. Can you not have your mom cremated, instead of burying her? Cremation is so much less expensive(I had my husband cremated 4 months ago for about $1100.) I would then get your name on the list for a government subsidized senior apartment in your area, and if there is a waiting period, hopefully living with your son or relative will be but a temporary situation. As far as your furniture, you will most likely have to put it in storage, until you get a place of your own.
Right now though, just try to enjoy whatever time you have left with your mom, as that is most important. Things will all work out, as they should. Please don't forget that God has everything under control. God bless you for taking care of your mom until the end.

Providing answers to AlvaDeer's questions will be helpful.

Regarding burial, there may be charitable funds in your state that help with this expense. Do your belong to a church or faith organization? Please contact the admin with your needs.

Section 8 housing is available to those in financial needs: contact social services online for your county (Dept of Health and Human Services).

Contact your area's Agency on Aging for resources.

Start selling the furniture you don't need on craigslist.org or Nextdoor.com or FaceBook Marketplace. You can advertise selling all of it in bulk for a single price which would make the process easier. Please do some online research to make sure you are getting reasonable value out of the items.

I wish you success in bettering your situation and peace in your heart as you journey with your mother on hospice.

So sorry for your difficult journey. Funerals and burial services are both outrageously expensive. Here in Florida, I was able to get a Direct Cremation (no viewing or funeral service) for both my parents, one in 2018 and the other in 2020. It is the most economical option there is (other than whole body donation to medical science, then they pay for the cremation.) Each one was around $900, not including the county fee for the death certificates or the cost of an urn. They do give you the ashes back in a plain white box if you choose to scatter them.
It sounds like there is no home ownership if you are paying rent. Are there any other assets being left to you? The only thing I can think of is to look into HUD/low income housing where the rent is based on your income (in this case SS benefit.) I wish you luck and Fair Winds and Following Seas.

It’s really hard to plan or think when you are so focused on the present with your mom. In some states Medicaid provides burial assistance—it’s not much but it can help a little. In essence you are starting over and you may need to think of options you didn’t know about or hadn’t considered. If you google apartments in_____ wherever you live, you may be surprised at what’s out there. If your area is totally crazy expensive like California another option might be sharing a house. There may be someone your age looking for the same—look on Craigslist. Is there a community nearby that would be less expensive? If you think it would help maybe your son could go with you for a second opinion. When I had to downsize at age 65 I started contemplating what I wanted to take with me and what I was okay with to let go—sell, donate or giveaway. Then when it was time to move I was clearheaded and not mourning things that had surrounded me. What was most important to me? Senior housing isn’t the only option. Good luck!

Please don't use Craigslist for ANYTHING, but especially not to find a roommate. I've had every lunatic and loser in Colorado hassle me each time I've tried to sell anything on that site and as a woman alone, you do not want to invite trouble to your front door. If you want to sell a bunch of furniture and personal belongings, call an Estate Sale company in your area to hold a sale for you on the premises or on an online auction where the audience is larger and the proceeds will be greater.

See if you can find a roommate thru the local church or senior center or ask hospice for resources. Also ask friends and have your son put the word out as well.

Wishing you the best of luck with everything that's going on.

Alvadeer. Thank you for your kind suggestions. Did you mention in your message my mother would have to repay Medicaid? I'm trying to get her qualified but I think it's really too late for that to happen now that she's so close to passing. She has medicare but they only seem to cover medical services. I'm 70 years old and worked approx 16 years a go off and on due to circumstances. I may get on a wait list for senior housing once I've fulfilled my duties with my mother. Yes I feel desperate and often depressed but my faith has carried me through this journey. I just have to daily remind myself of the millions of others also doing this work. Prayer and daily biblical verses are very comforting as well. God bless you.

Seems Mom does not own her home. Even if getting Medicaid for any reason, she has no assets to pay it back. So you have nothing to worry about. Children are not responsible for parents debts.

Artist69 - if you are renting and there's no money or assets (think house), then there should not be anything you would have to pay back to Medicaid. I think AlvaDeer was referring to that, but there IS an exception for adult children who live in the home for 2 or more years providing the care.

If she's in a NH and is denied (why would they?), you can appeal. If she passes before the approval and gets approved, they *should* cover it. If the deny, hopefully you didn't sign anything saying you'd be responsible.

If she's living with you, then Medicaid shouldn't be looking for anything, esp if they haven't approved anything yet.

I hear you on the inability to cover life's necessities with so little SS. Unfortunately it is based on your working years and income. Thankfully my mother and father had saved money and I was able to preserve it to pay for MC. The SAD part is when I have to report how I used her SS funds, I report it ALL went to housing and food, which it did. It covered less than 15% of the cost. Pension was also applied fully. The balance and any necessities were covered by the assets I could preserve. Her SS was pretty minimal - no way would it ever cover rent AND food.

Twice now I have received a letter back from SS asking for explanation why her funds were only used for housing and food. Last year I wrote quite a bit, including the response that her SS funds would NOT have been enough to pay rent anywhere, much less food, gallivanting, buying lots of new items AND going on vacation! I also mentioned that mom was 96 at the time, almost deaf, in a wheelchair, with dementia - where did they think she was going, New Zealand?

Of course they sent the same stupid letter this year. My response is going to be even more strident, as she just passed and I really don't need their platitudes or stupid forms. I had already done the 2020 report, so they can wait.

Oh, by the way, for any/all who aren't aware, you won't get the final month's SS. It is paid a month after, like working a week and getting paid the next week, For example, if someone passes mid-Jan, they won't get a Feb payment (if it comes through, DON'T spend it, they WILL take it back!!!), even though that Feb payment is for Jan.

I knew this was coming, and the same thing happened with mom's pension, but it still sucks they do this, because the person will still have expenses for that month! They should pro-rate the payment, rather than denying it. We get no partial refund of mom's rent, which the pension and SS cover about 1/2 of. I find this reprehensible. My last job was initially monthly pay. Can you imagine working for 2 weeks, then passing, and having the company say 'Gee, your LO didn't finish working all month, so we're not going to pay'? In the case of the elderly, we all have enough on our plate, and perhaps extra bills for them, and they pull the rug out from under you at the worst possible time.

I do plan to go back to my post about gov't plans to assist care-givers. I am VERY disappointed to see only 2 people followed my link to it. It would be NICE to get this out to ALL caregivers, so they can contact their Congressional reps/senators. In addition to contacting my reps about this, I plan to mention this taking of the final payment. Many people will NEED that to cover costs! There was enough to cover costs for my mother, but I feel for those like OP who have no other income and struggle to take care of her mother while having homelessness loom over her! Oh, let's not forget selling the home - it jacks up the income, so Medicare levies a penalty on you and you pay MORE that year they "review" (should be 2 years after the sale) for Medicare! Mom's share was not that much, but enough. The first stimulus got shorted too, because the 2019 taxes were electrons passing in the void when the payment came through, and they used that previous year, so she got less than half of it (we file for it this year, to recoup the rest.)

see post under this

Artist69, how does one feel prepared for the end of life of a parent? You cannot fully. Hospice should be supportive of this time now.

Cremation or medical donation are options for burial. You have honored her life by caring for her.

On your personal circumstances, it may be a time of this pandemic that buys you time since evictions are held at bay. Hire out the downsizing of belongings as it will be burdensome to do this alone. Rent out a room or space as storage if you have to temporarily. If your son can accommodate you, I suggest you both set up an agreement that it is for a set period of time. Hopefully, he can be supportive of your grieving. I suggest you build your savings of your SS during this time. Sign up immediately for your local senior housing waitlist as well as other areas.
Let us know how it goes..

I see your mom as my fellow caregiver, not you.
Your story says that you've been financially irresponsible for most of your adult life...that's a darn shame.
The options you have are the options you've provided for yourself. You're not the victim in this story, you're the author.

Have you contacted Catholic Charities of Eastern Virginia? They are located in Virginia Beach and may be able to assist you.

https://www.cceva.org

Their website says: "If you are experiencing a housing crisis, please call the regional housing crisis hotline at 757-587-4202, or Toll Free at 866-750-4431. The Housing Crisis Hotline is the region’s starting point for anyone who is experiencing a housing crisis and in need of shelter, case management, and related services."

My mother just died a few days ago. Hospice was on board about 10 days. I am unemployed and dependent on her income. I lived and took care of her. I didn't have funds either. About to be homeless. I donated her body to science. Unt north. Since you are donating her body there is no cost for cremation. You won't get remains back for 1yrs. I didn't give my mom a memorial she is 86 most friends already passed. But did put on Facebook to her graduating class.

Call your local Social Services now - I used to work at ours, and if they can't help, ask for referrals to a seniors organization such as AARP or local groups, who will do what they can for you. I'm sorry you have financial troubles as well as losing your mom any time now. Take very good care, and don't listen to those who would judge without being in your shoes. God bless and keep you.

I am guessing that you relied partially on your mothers SS income to help you with the rent, is there anyway you would qualify for assistance in your area for living expenses?  is there any place (like a motel) that you can rent a room?  I know some places, like where I live, there are smaller motels that rent out rooms to people on a daily/weekly basis.  Get rid of the furniture that you do not need, sometimes places will take for people that lost a house in a fire. contact your local rescue place or fire house, they might know of someone that could use stuff.  Now depending on what shape the furniture is in, it would need to be cleaned but if you don't have the funds, you would have to let whomever got it know that it was not cleaned.  Did your mother have any plans for her burial, talk with the funeral person, explain your situation.  sometimes people will ask for donations to help with burial costs in lieu of flowers, etc.  I am not sure IF you are responsible for her burial costs. (don't feel embarrassed by that, many people don't have the money to be buried). Did she state that she didn't care if she was cremated, that might be a lesser money value option and you can always keep her with you that way or spread her ashes over some place she really liked.  Get your name on a list and hopefully you can find someplace cheap until you wait.  I hope someone else can offer some better suggestions and wishing you luck. prayers for your mother.

So sorry you are in this predicament.

The easiest short term solution is to move in with another family member or rent a room that you can afford. If you want to go this route, start selling furniture and items in the rooms you are not using through Craigslist since the buyers will be local. When you have gotten rid of everything, make arrangements with a realtor that will buy the home on the spot. You will need to be the owner of the house in order to sell it. Make sure you have a copy of your mother's death certificate and the will to ease this sale. Make sure to talk to other family members about this decision, especially if they will be part owners of the home or will inherit some of the your mother's belongings. Once the house is sold, you can arrange for utilities to be turned off.

Another option is to rent out your home to others (Air BNB) while living with other family members until you can decide if you want to continue being a vacation landlord. This could work if you live someplace that has tourism of some sort. It would require streamlining the home and maybe updating the interior with fresh paint or rearranging furniture. If you like this idea, start looking at home magazines to get ideas about what is trending in home design. Also look into Air BNB online for their requirements and how you can advertise.

Another route is to look into getting a roommate or 2. Rent out every bedroom except your own. Advertise that the rooms come furnished. Make sure to take out anything of high value or sentimental value from the common rooms and other bedrooms. You can probably find online forms for rental agreements. Otherwise, you might consider asking a lawyer to write up a form that you can.

Check into what your home insurance needs will be if you decide to keep your home and allow others to live as tenants.

Lastly, check into resources for seniors and those on SS in your area or near your child, You may be pleasantly surprised to discover how many resources are available.

Following up on PAH's answer - if you do have Mom cremated, try to find a crematorium and not a full service funeral home. You will pay overhead for the full service funeral home.

Also, in Maryland we have a organization called Catholic Charities (you don't have to be catholic) who provide independent living facilities for low income folks - the rent is based on your income. I would try reaching out to a faithbased organization versus a government based. I had so much more success when I went through this with my mom. So sorry you're having to deal with losing your mom and your housing at the same time. God Bless you.

How old are you? you may qualify for lost - to- no-cost senior housing.

Do you qualify for HUD housing through the government? Then eventually you could find a senior apartment. The rent is based on income.

Find the food banks in your area. Can you get food assistance? Along with Catholic Charities call Lutheran Social Services.

Temporarily you may have to live with family until an apartment can be found. Usually the waiting lists are long. How about a room mate to share expenses?

Are you able to work a few hours a week to supplement your SS income? Maybe caregiving for another senior?

Google has a great article about the steps needed after a loved one passes. I used it when my father passed.

I am sorry your mom passed, but death is also a business. It costs a lot even to die. Cremation is only a fraction of the cost -- without services. I put both of my parents in wooden cigar boxes and in a cabinet at home. Those cigar boxes look better than the funeral home ones. You can get those under $50. Look on Amazon for cigar boxes.
You can get a basic cremation definitely costs about $1,000, sometimes even half that. Call and shop around.

Of course that is up to you what you want to do with the remains, but you will be flipping the bill. A basic burial will cost in the neighborhood of $10,000.

Social Security will *NOT* pay a dime because it has to be your spouse or disabled child they will pay $200 toward funeral costs.

IF your mom had any kind of Tri-Care insurance or military stipend, you ***MUST*** call them immediately and notify them of your mom's death. Social Security will NOT notify them. The funeral home will notify social security, but when mom died I called them anyway to make certain they get the message. Point is, if you get any kind of payments after her death, let me assure you they will make you pay it back.

You MUST notify the bank, and give them a copy of the death certificate.

When mom died it was awful. I also had to notify the electric and utilities department. It was terrible paperwork on top of dealing with mom's death. You have the added stress of dealing with her remains.

BE MINDFUL funeral homes **WILL** take advantage of your grief; it is imperative you "shop around" for the best prices. Since your mom's death happened it leaves you no choice but to choose something quickly. Death is a terrible business and everybody has their greedy hands out and be mindful how funeral homes will take advantage of you when you are most vulnerable.

That is why a basic cremation with no services is best and most affordable. IF you choose to have services, they will embalm your mom's remains because it is state law due to public viewing. Embalming is very expensive. That is why I did not have services. Embalming is also gross--they have to drain the body of its blood and pump embalming (formaldehyde) into the system. It kills all the germs, which is why at least in Florida it is mandatory if you have a public viewing. Then the funeral home charges extra for a makeup artist to give the body that "sleeping and peaceful" look. Alternatively you can have a memorial service without a body viewing, but that costs extra too.

It is how you treated your mom when she was alive that counts. When a person dies, they are gone. I mean dead is dead. But you may have religious laws that prohibit cremation I do not know. If that is the case ask your church to help flip the bill for burial. If they expect you to bury your mom--let them pay for it.

Your mom is in a much better place. Her ordeal of life is over and done with. She is free from pain and suffering. Nothing can ever hurt or harm her. We are among the living therefore losing a loved one brings more suffering--the price of love is grief. Remember you are the only one that suffers; your mom is at forever peace.

If cremation still bothers you - the way things are going WW3 is probably going to happen, and we all will get cremated anyway. For some odd reason this thought comforts me-I did not like the thought of cremation, but burial is really gross too. Still grieving over my mom and I lost her over a year ago, but I accept it as a part of life.

I'm sorry that your situation is so difficult! All the best to you. You have to be very strong to get through this and the pandemic too! I'm assuming that you are living with your mother. Get all the help you can from your local social services. Contact a social worker, who may be able to help you navigate what is available in your location. Think about downsizing. Do you need 5 rooms? Could you afford a smaller apartment? Can you sell or donate any of the things you don't need? Get on waiting lists for affordable housing. If you will have to make a quick move, the downsizing can begin now.

First thing first. You must contact ss immediately after the passing of your loved. Also it would be good to ask for city/county/state assistants with bills/rent as soon as today. Do an estate sale on items you can part with. This may be difficult, but it might be inevitable. Also is your son or someone you trust able to set up a (go fund me)page to help with final expenses/bills/rent? Have you spoken to non-profits that may give immediate assistance? Lastly funerals are never easy, and there are ways to cut costs while still honoring your loved one. 1. Cremation is a wonderful option. 2. You can purchase beautiful Urns on Amazon for a fraction of the cost. 3. No formal services, instead have
people gather outdoors weather/situation pending. Lastly, funeral homes do take payments so you won’t be overly burdened.

I didn’t even know people did this. Mom was supporting you, not the other way around. If your a dependent, I’m pretty sure Hospice isn’t providing much direction, because they’re there for mom.
Area for aging can help bc your SS is under 2000. Those things take time start process now. If indeed you are an artist maybe that will help, if your a hobby artist try to find part time employment.

You can donate her body to a medical school at no cost to you. Just type in "donating a body to medical school" to find one near you.

First thing, go ahead and fill out the forms for help with all the Housing and home Rent Help agencies even tho there may be well over a year waiting list. Being a single person, you will only get a 1 Bedroom Voucher which will get you an apartment that Housing will pay a Portion and you will pay a portion considering the income you have coming in..

But fir now you need to check to see if you can get help because if you have $2,000 a month coming in you might be making too much money to Qualify.

I don't know where you live but a lot of people I've on less.

You might start checking out prices of Senior Apartments.

Here in the Houston area, you can get a 1 Bedroom in a Senior Apartment for under $1,000.

You should think about having your mom cremated, which is very inexpensive not spend thousands on a funeral, which she does not need to show your love for her. as the time for showing love is now.

People should give flowers to people when they are alive.

I know you are thankful that you have two options and will not be on the streets.

I would choose one of the two options, knowing that it isn't permanent.

If the house where you are living in now, you can't afford, try seeing if you could get a Roommate to help split the rent.

Prayers

God bless you as well, dear. Its a hard but blessed road caring for our elders. But soon your time will be yours again and things will be ok once you work out the logistics. There's lots of options for you.


Other creative options that I didn't see posted yet: If you're able-bodied, move in as a live in caregiver for a senior or as a cleaning lady so you pay no rent and make wages. Same if you live at a children's group home as a care giver. There are tons of work from home jobs now, given the pandemic, and will likely stay that way especially for call center agents who just answer the phones as customer service workers. If you have a computer or can afford one before she passes, you can get one of those jobs and just sit at a desk all day helping people. You van find used ones on Craigslist or Amazon refurbished ones for cheap ($200-$300). The company trains you and has a database of answers for you to use.

Be careful about becoming an Uber or Lyft driver if you live in a busy town because a lot of people and lose more money in gas and mileage instead of actually make a profit.

Sell everything and use the money to buy a sleeper van. Travel the country and live in your sleeper. Ask your son to let your mail come to him and tell u if anything important comes in And send pics of it to you. Get a nationwide gym membership and look for the gyms that are popular in every state like LA Fitness so you can shower and exercise there in every state. Get a dog for protection and to keep you company. Look up great places to visit online. You may find a better town to live in than the one you live in now once ready to settle again.

Move out of the country. There are colonies of Americans in Bali (Indonesia) that live like kings (it looks like paradise there and the weather is perfect year round) for little to no money. They also respect elders much better than Americans do. Idk if you can still get SSI if u move out of the country but maybe worth a look. I have a friend who lives in Bali now and she never wants to come back to the US. Super cheap and she's treated like royalty for being American.

Talk with a Senior Citizens Law Project near you. Area Agency on Aging can help you find free legal services that can help u set up for the future.

Hope you don't let negative thoughts or depression or anything stop u from seeing all that's possible. You have a lot of options if you allow your perspective to be wide enough to see them all. Good luck to you, dear.

I am so very sorry. I know the feeling of being over whelmed. What state do you live in ? Do you have any assets that someone else could help you sell ? Does your mother own her home? Will keep you and your mother in my prayers .

Ask family members to pool money to cover cost of cremation or a very simple funeral - they make some very cheap caskets for this very reason, no facility rental, or limos - just small graveside if family wants some sort of service. Call around now to funeral homes to see what they can do on a budget.

As for your own situation, if you have ANY one in the family offering you a place to hang your hat for now, take it. Sleep on someone's couch for a month or two to save your money and get your name on govt housing/apt list. You might also check with your county (elder care or county judges office) to see if they can help push your name up the list because of your situation. Even if you have to get on a waiting list, perhaps you can contribute to your son's situation - if he rents apt, pay the difference to get into one with an additional bedroom.

Scale down on your 5 rooms of furniture to get the smallest storage rental as possible to keep your costs down. You can replace most things later on by way of Offerup, craigslist, FB market place and used furniture items. Scale down on other things you can do without, by priority, to save money. Cell phones are nice, but all the extras are not necessary. Basic cable tv instead of all the extra channels. Make a list of all your bills and see what could be cut. You might also check room rentals in your area. This would put you in the company of other folks and a single room is not as expensive as an apt or house rental

Dear Artist69, I feel for you, as I had to do this on my own for my Mother. It was the most painful time. Do not listen to any negative people, you are in a state of mind that is vulnerable and I am so proud of you for reaching out to this group. I can give some advice from experience. Pre planning a funeral is great; however, make sure you are not alone. The funeral home made me sit through another 3 hours because the pre-planner had done things wrong and resigned. They did discount for my inconvenience. Cremation is ideal, my Mom would not allow it, so it was not my choice. I had an estate sale, interview 3 companies. Choose one that cares about you and is not just out to make money. They charge a big fee so make certain you have enough to sell to cover their commission. It will be difficult for you emotionally, I am so very sorry! Put any antiques on reserve, do not undersell and look up prices on eBay yourself. I had very good luck selling what was left on Facebook Marketplace and some on Craigslist. But don’t be alone, don’t give out personal information at all. Don’t post your phone or address. Get a Google Voice number, it is free. Also, explain to your landlord that you need to stay while on the waitlist. My state has help for people because of Covid, they cannot be evicted. But you can hopefully work something out. Another option is a go fund me, Facebook also has a go fund me to help with funerals. I completely understand if you lost friends while caring for your Mother. I made calls to old friends and they all came through for me, it was hard to ask. My church was wonderful too and Hospice was also a huge help. I am still talking to my grief counselor about everything, she has great advice. This will be difficult for you. I pray for you and hope one little bit of information helps. I found prayer to be very powerful, perhaps you will meet just the right person to help you. God bless.